Perseverance

Great Distractions

2012-02-03T12:33:00.000-08:00

Life has been no less than pretty great since the holidays ended. I find my plate overloaded with tasty treats in 2012, but something is missing.

Work has been extremely busy as usual and overtime is inevitable for me. The only way I seem to be able to avoid it is by making plans, so I can't stay or refusing to pick-up my cell phone on my days off, which I am working on. I have made a decision to move to straight nights too. The thought had been brewing for months now and after weighing all the pros and cons I think it will be worth it in the long run. Some of the advantages included no more rotating shifts and getting on a regular sleep schedule. Parking will be cheaper per month and I will make an more money.

I found myself purchasing a new vehicle. A-train thinks it looks like a booger on wheels and I have to keep re-educating him that mucous is white to yellow and only green when infection is present, but alas I think it's a losing battle with him. He's just gonna keep referring to my car as such.

My employer offered us FREE nose bleed seats to any Lake Erie Monster's game and A-train and I sat through three exciting periods of hockey. The goalie that night (Gerald Coleman) was freakin' amazing only allowing 1 goal on about 30 shots. Gloves and helmets even came off for a few brawls on the ice!! Lately, when I go to watch the CAVS or Indians we have lost, but I finally broke my losing streak as the Monsters took the win 3-1.

Before the game we needed to eat dinner and I decide I would keep it a secret from A-train that we were going to hit up The Chocolate Bar!!! We each had a very tasty martini. I got the chocolate banana creme and he got the boring plain old chocolate martini. Mine was WAY better. A-train picked brie with chutney for an appetizer. Funny thing is he had never had chutney and wasn't sure what it was until I told him. When it arrived he had absolutely no qualms about eating most of it. The main course included pesto salmon for me and a buffalo chicken sandwhich with fresh kettle cooked chips for him. Overall the food was pretty good and the price was reasonable, except for the $10 martinis, but that's what we expected.

After what seemed like forever, we had an official GNO at BB's house. It was perfect with the exception of a damn snowstorm that hit that night, so the roads on the way home were less than ideal for driving on. MK also left her hazards on and drained her battery, but thankfully e-speed and I knew how to jump a car, so she was back in business after we borrowed BB's jumber cables.

I did manage to get my hands on this stuff too while I was there ....

Barrel-Aged Blackout Stout

Blackout Stout aged in oak bourbon barrels.

ABV: 9.5%

ABW: 7.6%

IBU: 50

Awards

Gold Medal, 2011 World Beer Championships

And let me tell you -- it's pretty dam good!

On the horizon first and foremost is my vacation to Kauai!! It's only 19 days away and I can't wait. I am finally going to see the ocean up close and personal. Only 10% of the island has roads and offers quite a few places to hike. I plan to attempt surfing and scuba diving (or at least snorkeling), horseback riding and we are going to be there for Waimea Town Celebration.

And although, things are different in a great way, deep down I carry with me a little bit of sadness and a lot of yearning that I still can't run the miles I so badly want to. My foot has reached an impasse. It's no better or no worse. I'm still waiting for them to complete my orthotics and sneaking in 3-4 miles once or twice a week just to hear the ground crunching under my feet and my heartbeat pumping hard as I trot along. I guess there just are no substitutions for true loves.

My 12 Months of 2011

2012-01-16T13:00:00.000-08:00

This year was filled with ups and downs, dare I say it though... I think I came out on top!

January - Spent weeks prepping for the hardest test of my life (thus far) and quit waiting tables at Longhorn! Yes!!!!

February - Took the hardest test of my life (thus far) and PASSED! Yes!!!!

March - Started my job as an RN in oncology at one of the most renowned hospitals in the country! Yes!!!

April - Finally got to run the Boston marathon after having to skip it a couple years in row! Yes!!!

May - Put up a 10k (soft) PR -- one of the few I got this year! Yes!!!!

June - Race my first of only two triathlons this year and managed to incorporate a surprise birthday party for A-train into it.

July - Somehow managed to PR in the Fairport sprint tri on minimal training (swimming in races only) and feeling like a hippo in spandex (that's a boooo!!) Yes for the PR!!!!

August - Finally got my Eleanor and ran the Twilight Trail race without completely blowing up and destroying myself! Yes!!!

September - Finally, got the whole family to run a race together, even if G-unit cheated and then DNF'd ;o) Ran the Akron Relay with 3 Freaky Fast Females and came in 3rd female team overall. Yes!!!

October - Hitting up Columbus with the best gal pals EVER (including two of the Freaky Fast Females) to run the half marathon and party! Yes!!!!

Novemenber - Traveled to Chicago with KM and the decimator to eat way too much chocolate fondue after racing my first 15k ever, which led to my only other PR this year! I also completed marathon number 6 -- didn't go very well, but I did it nonetheless. Yes!!!!

December - Tried to do my own little version of a "shopaholic" and bought lots of gifts for myself and the family. My checkbook may have been fatally wounded after after those final weeks in 2011!! It was awesome buying my family some "big" gifts after being so poor through my 3 degrees. Yes!!!

Looking ahead to 2012, I've got a lot of possibilities on the horizon in all aspects of my life (professionally and personally), starting with getting my orthotics so I can run again and finding a place to live all my own.
And that's a wrap.

Rx

2011-12-12T07:28:00.000-08:00

I finally got in to see the doctor after work on Tuesday, thanks to A-train sacrificing his vacation time to pick me up after my 12 hour night shift to drive my slap-happy ass out to Westlake (It turns out the doctor had appointments available in Twinsburg and the scheduling people botched it up. I think the doc was more aggravated than I was about it).

I was able to get in almost immediately and went through a series of x-rays and then I headed upstairs to meet with the doc. His aide took my heart rate and blood pressure. It was 64 bpm and my blood pressure (get this) was 140/80. I explained to the aide I had only slept 3 hours in the last 30 or so hours and drank an absurd amount of coffee to get through it, including one of those red eyes (that stuff really works!)

The doctor was pretty cool and let me examine my own x-rays with him. I was a little surprised to see an extra bone in the medial side of my right foot. I can actually see where it protrudes from my skin and always thought it a bit odd it wasn't on my left foot. The doctor's diagnosis is that I am completely flat footed (I already new that) and as I run, my feet collapse distributing pressure/weight inappropriately throughout my feet (I already new that) and that puts unneeded stress on my plantar fascia and a few tendons (I already new that). He told me I had a pretty bad case of plantar in addition to having a few tendons in my ankle/foot inflamed. (Do I have to say it again? I already new that too!!)

As I described my histroy of running with the pain for a year and a half, (including 3 marathons and an average mileage of 30-50 mpw) the doctor realized how much of a stubborn idiot I was. He even stated "I am beginning to see the problem." He recommended I get custom orthostics (can you hear the cash register "cha-ching?" They are a few hundred bucks!), stretch, ice and try not to be a dumbass and run. He said I should "at least wait until after I get my orthotics and break them in." He also gave me designated left and right heel cups, which helped alleviate some of the pain almost immediately.

It's been a week without running and the pain is getting better everyday. I have managed to restrain myself from actually going for a run. Heck, I didn't do anything last week for the first time as far back as I can remember. I took a week off from EVERYTHING. I have sprinted up and down the halls at work a few times for emergencies, but that's part of the job.

I feel like I am going to be starting all over again with my running. It's definitley a little frustrating and I feel like I'm taking a lot of steps backwards (or none at all if you think about it), but I suppose I will have to deal. My biggest fear is that none of this works, that my foot wont ever handle the mileage, that my glory days are over and there will be no PRs (personal records) in my future. The term PR for me will come to mean only past records.

Now that it's over...

2011-12-03T22:31:00.000-08:00

I have no real direction with my training, except I need to keep active somehow. I am terrified my weight will sky rocket and I will become softer than I already am. I hate to say it but I think my hair is going grey too...F!!!!

I have done a few runs at easy pace, just to burn the calories and collect on my RDA of Vitamin D, but the left lower leg and foot hurt pretty bad during and at times worse after thsoe runs. After a year and a half I am suppose to see the doctor on Tuesday, finally. I feel it will be futile and time consuming, but maybe I can get an injection of cortisone at least for the pain. I have the sneaking suspicion the plan of care will include resting, no running and minimal activity, but that's impossible seeing as how I am a nurse and my job requires me to run around. I am uncertain if I could even wear a boot, because a percentage of our patients have c-diff , requiring contact precautions. This means anything that comes in direct contact with the disease will be covered in the bacteria (Gross!) Worst case scenario, I have developed some kind of bone spur that's irritating the tendon and I have to have it filed down (God, just the thought makes me want to vomit).

I am kicking around the idea of hitting up east side cycling when possible and taking advantage of the W.O. Center and the American Cancer Society gyms. Whatever I choose it has to be something that will burn some calories and go easy on my foot. So no races, no training schedule, just fix the foot so I can start the next chapter.

I am a BOMB: Philadelphia Part 2

2011-11-29T17:39:00.000-08:00

I had told E-speed and A-train that I should have had a shirt to race in that said -- "I am a bomb and I am about to go off!!" in case things went bad on the course. Truer words were never spoken.

We ran along the art museum never turning right to make a 180 turn around a construction barrel like we did in 08. I was kind of bummed as it meant less time with the screaming and cheering crowds. I soldiered onward though. The parkway was the same as it had always been windy and flat. I started looking for the leaders on the left hoping to get a boost of energy as I headed out. Somewhere around 15.5 I saw the leader coming back. The time was about 2:08. He would go on to finish in 2:18 (I think). He had a fairly large lead on 2nd place when I saw him that would actually be cut down to only seconds at the line (Quite impressive).

After 16, I could feel my calves getting tight and my left foot started aching a lot. I ignored it and just kept running. I saw e-speed coming back somewhere at this point. In my opinion she looked like she was fighting to keep going. I hoped that was a good sign she was still on pace for that sub-3. I yelled something at her to try and boost her up a little. She waved and kept running hard. I had a feeling she was having a good day, even if she was a wee bit tired. Turns out after repeating "I'M A BOSS!!" for a large part of the race she did indeed run a sub-3, going 2:51:59.

We made a right hand turn and ran across a bridge and down a hill (this was new on the course). I did not like it at all and when we made the turn to come back up, my left foot and ankle were screaming bloody murder at me. "Great!! Just F*cking Great!!" I still had over an hour of running and my foot decided to take a sh*T on me now -- Damn!!! I kept running hoping the pain wouldn't get any worse. I crossed the 30k mats and knew I had a small chance of PRing if I could hold the pace and throw myself at the finish line.

When I started this race, I crossed the starting line with every intention of trying for a PR in the marathon and even if I didn't get it I was still gonna run as hard as I could. I sincerely believe if you want to win big, you have to go big sometimes. I hadn't killed myself at work and run at all hours of the night and day just to finish another marathon, I was gonna go kamikazee all over this one.

The pain in my left foot continued to grow as I ran through Manyuck. The roaring of the fans helped diminish the roaring in my foot a little and then I saw the beer stand I had passed up a few years ago. I don't know what got into me but I grabbed a cup of Yuengling and downed it. Some guy next to me yelled at his buddy "Look at this crazy fucking girl, drinking beer!!" I turned to him and said, "Look buddy, I am in a lot of pain right now and it ain't gonna get any better. I might as well try and numb the pain at this point!" He laughed as I pulled away (yeah I was moving faster than him).

I finally hit the turnaround, after what seemed like a lifetime and I still wasn't at the 20 mile marker. Mile 20 was still up ahead a little. This too was different from '08. I was saddened that the course wasn't the same. The magic of '08 just wasn't there. It was almost like an entirely new marathon course today.

I struggled back through Manyuck. I ended up running with a guy who was pacing a girl. He was awesome. He kept pep talking her and she kept running. He even inspired a few runners-gone-walker to start running again with us. I even got a few guys to run with me, telling them nothing would help this pain right now, except a morphine PCA, and definitely not walking.

I crossed back into the parkway around 22 and there was loud music and cheering fans, pumping up the walking dead, that was most of us. I was so done with this race. I tried to push the pace and kept telling myself 30 minutes of hard running and then you could trot in. I fought my way to mile 23 and then the pain in my left foot became excruciating. I felt sharp pains shooting up the heel of my foot into my lower leg. I wanted to walk so bad, but I couldn't fathom the idea fo finishing over 4 hours and I refused to DNF. I could feel the panic rising. I started putting a lot of weight on my right foot and trying to just tip toe with my left. I was really pissed at this poin in the race that my foot hurt so freakin' bad and for not being able to run faster. I even started crying a little. The miles dragged on for what seemed like forever. I figured I was moving about 10 mins/mile through that last 4.2 miles. I kept telling myself to quit and give up, that I wasn't gonna make it, that I wasn't strong enough, but I kept going. I was so mad and pissed off. I refused to walk. I wasn't gonna give up, but dammit did it hurt. I finally made it to the art museum, hobbling along for the last few miles and glad it was over, but it wasn't. The finish didn't have us turn right and pop out in front of the stairs. We had to run back to the start, which was now the finish, a few hundred feet farther. I would end up with 26.5 on Adam's Timex. As I crossed the finish, I threw up my arm. It wasn't lost on me that although I had blown up and destroyed my left foot I completed my 6th marathon. It sucked and hurt so bad (I think I had mentioned that already, but just in case). Some people asked if I needed medical attention or at least to sit down, but I declined and limped through the shoot. A-train found me a few minutes later and hugged me while I cried for a minute. The shooting pain continued every time my heel touched down and it throbbed as I leaned against him, no weight on it. It was over. I had tried and failed in 3:46:18.

Occupy Philadelphia: Part I

2011-11-22T09:57:00.000-08:00

Race morning was warm. I had thought there may be a small chance I would run in shorts and a tee with arm warmers, but as we made our way to the start I realized that might still be too warm.

A-train, E-speed and I left the hotel as late as possible, at about 6:20 am not wanting to be stuck waiting in line for a P.O.P. or wasting nervous energy bouncing around. The walk/jog was about 1.5 miles. We had no issues getting to the start. E-speed bailed on us to hit the elite tent and get herself ready for a sub-3 race and I to my dismay, realized the other 2 bathroom breaks I had already taken this morning wouldn't be enough. Like 2 years ago, I stood in line for the bathroom. I was in the 3rd corral and I really, really, really didn't want to start behind the 5-5:30 pacer again.

I had put my i-pod on (full blast) as we left the hotel, hoping to drown everything out, to center myself. I kept imagining how awful this was gonna feel and then telling myself it would be way worse than what I was now imagining and most importantly, I would have no choice but to keep going, NO MATTER WHAT.

I decided at the last minute to strip my shirt and run in a sports bra only. It felt extremely warm and the last thing I wanted was to be hot and suffering. I gave A-train all my gear and before jumping into the corral (literally, I had to climb over the white fence) he gave me a hug and told me he loved me.

The wheelchairs went off first and then they let the gold/elite (e-speed's corral) and the maroon wave (the little guy was in that wave) start next. I was bummed. I didn't hear the Rocky theme song one time at the start. I started in the next wave about 3:30 behind them to "Lose Yourself" by Eminem. I flew down Benjamin Franklin Parkway like I was weightless. I saw A-train on the left about .25 miles cheering as I ran by. The first mile clipped off in the low 8:20s, I think. There were a few bottle neck spots that slowed me down, but I didn't care. I planned to just go with it. I saw the Tanchon's pass by me right before mile 3 looking strong, almost like their own little pace group. I was already warm and sweating. I grabbed water at the first aid station without any difficulty (not like last time).

I saw the guy in the pink tutu running in front of me along with two people in sandals and thought they were absolutely freakin' crazy!! My left foot had been bugging me for over a year and a half now and there was no way I would have tolerated sandals. It was it's usual tight achy self this morning when I had woken up, no worse than normal so I knew I could race on it.

I rolled through mile 5 at 40:50 knowing I was slightly ahead of 3:35 pace. I was just going for a small PR today, even if only 1 second. I didn't slow or adjust my effort though because I knew the course would slow me down between 6-11. I also only averaged 31 mpw training for this marathon and figured I wasn't going to have a great shot at my PR if I didn't bank some time early on.

As we flew down the Chestnut Street, the miles continued to go by effortlessly. I remembered this was where I had told A-train a few years ago I was gonna BQ that day. I looked around a little bit too much hoping to spot him and around 6-7 miles there he was snapping my pic. I smiled and waved. I hit the 10K split at 50:31 (I was 51:31 in 2008).

We headed out of downtown after that, near Drexel University and the hills began to come. The first hill was just as I had remembered, long with a slight grade, very similar to heartbreak hill on the Boston course. Just like before I took the hill extremely easy, being passed by quite a few people I might add. After I crested the top I was able to run the slight downhill grade easily at 7:50 pace. I made every effort to keep my feet low to the ground and save my quads as much as possible. I felt great rolling through the next few miles. I wasn't really paying much attention to A-train's garmin/timex gadget. It was acting weird. I only checked my pace and total time a few times to help keep me in check. The distance was already over .25 miles (a little discouraging, since I run the tangents).

We entered the zoo/park area and the hellish hill around mile 10 was way worse than I remembered. It was steep and wound back and forth. I again took it easy to the top, refusing to work hard. I even debated walking the hill, but that seemed a little extreme. I was over 1:22:00 when I passed the 10 mile marker so I had bought back some of that time I had saved in the first couple miles, just like I knew would happen. Another steep downhill came and I again went slow, losing even more time. Being aggressive on the downhills a few years ago had really thrashed my quads and I didn't want to go through that again, so I cautiouly completed my descent.

We wound our way back on the cambered road back to the half way point. People on the bridge above us were cheering and I could feel myself getting a little excited. I was almost to the half and I felt good. I had a ray of hope I might survive without pain longer than I thought.

We came up a little incline by the Art Museum and the fans were everywhere cheering and making noise. I was on the left waiting to swing to the right and run to the barrel at the halfway point like before, but we just kept running straight. I saw A-train for the 3rd and last time during the race. He was still cheering and smiling as he took my picture -- and so was I. I came through the half in 1:48:25 (I was 1:48:21 in 2008, talk about consistent -- sheesh!!)

Round 12: Let The Infection Begin

2011-11-10T13:46:00.000-08:00

I had managed to bully my way through my big girl job and marathon training for 11 weeks before it became impossible and I needed a break (whether I wanted it or not). It could have been the 20 miler the Friday before. It could have been the elderly patient who pushed on her trachea to help her cough RIGHT IN MY FACE or maybe I was just due, but whatever the reason, I got sick. I haven't had a cold like that for a few years. Monday I was exhausted and by Wednesday it took all I had to not sit down at the nurse's station and pass out. Thursday my day off I spent in bed all day drinking airborne and sucking on cold ease. I was pretty certain I was still going to feel awful by Friday, so around 9pm I called staffing and told them I wouldn't be able to come in. I was cold and achy. My head felt so stuffed and large I thought perhaps I had become a bobblehead. My nose was clogged, my throat was sore, -- yay, I wasn't going anywhere.

Friday I woke up early and felt surprisingly good. The cold was in my upper respiratory area and my head, so I thought maybe I could just help burn it right out with an easy few miles. The cold air helped open my sinuses and I could breathe again!! I came home and stretched, did a short leg workout before hitting the shower. I drank more airborne and added in some chicken broth and juice.

I had Saturday and Sunday off so I figured I'd be fine by Monday and would return to work albeit in a mask, just to ensure my patient's safety from me and my germs. However, by Friday night I was worse than ever and I crawled back into bed, miserable. I started fretting about having to call off on Monday and what about Chicago and my race the following weekend? Would I even be well enough to go, let alone run? Worst of all, I had wanted to do another long run before D-day and that would now be impossible. I was going to be forced to start my taper early.

Saturday and Sunday I spent all my time between bed and the couch, trying to rest and praying I would get better. Sunday night came and I called staffing for the second time, reporting I was still sick -- DAMN!!

Finally, on Tuesday I felt a sense of normalcy and returned to work (with my mask on, of course). I still felt a little ragged and run down, but I was hoping the worst had past and I was on the up and up.

Mon: OFF
Tues: OFF
Wed: OFF
Thur: OFF
Fri: 5.0 miles (8:17/mile -- my legs felt awesome with all the time off and cool temps, even with my head stuffed)
Sat: OFF
Sun: OFF

Total: 5.0 miles

Round 11

2011-10-28T10:12:00.000-07:00

After arriving home from the Columbus half Sunday, I had a whopper of a headache, my back was aching something fierce on the drive home and my legs felt like 2 rubber bands about to pop!! I was in mint condition. I was kind of dreading the thought of a 20-miler this week. I was a little mentally and physically tapped out from the race and I knew it had to be done on Tues (my day off) or Friday before I went to work at 11pm. I had to "get 'er done."

Mon: 7.6 miles (8:55/mile, roads, easy run trying to loosen up)
Tues: 13 miles (8:50/mile, long run cut short, legs were just too sore and soaked from the down pour)
Wed: OFF
Thur: 6.7 miles (3+ miles at about 7:40/mile or faster - tempo, didn't have a garmin, but knew it was a tad over 3 just to be safe)
Fri: 20.07 miles (8:52/mile, long run with lots of rollers)
Sat: OFF
Sun: OFF

Total: 47.37

It wasn't as intense of a week as I would have liked, but I kind of needed the mental down time after the race, I think. I got the BIG run in (a.k.a. the 20-miler). A bunch of long slow runs was actually quite enjoyable, well except when I got poured on.

Round 10 -- I think

2011-10-21T09:01:00.000-07:00

Somehow last week came and went in a blur and I lost track of my mileage. I may or may not have ran on Monday. I don't remember. I bought a new Garmin to help me, but after using it for only a week the damn thing wont hold a charge. I tried a soft and a hard reset and nothing worked. I am a little irritated by the whole situation, but nevertheless still plodding through the rainy weather, garmin or no garmin.

Mon: I can't recall if I ran????
Tues: OFF
Wed: 2 miles (11:00/mile treadmill AM - knew speedwork would be painful otherwise), 8 miles PM (speedwork target 8 x 400 at 1:54, actual 1:47, 1:45, 1:55, 1:49, 1:55, 1:53, 1:53, 1:52)
Thur: 5.17 (target 3 miles at HMP + 5 seconds, actual 8:08, 8:11, 7:55)
Fri: OFF
Sat: 2.35 miles (9:21/mile easy shakeout run through Goodelle Park in Columbus)
Sun: 1.65 miles (9:05/mile warm-up) and 13.1 miles Columbus Half Marathon

Total: at least 32.52 miles

My deadline is nearing way too fast and I am desperately searching for an 8 day week. I am torn because I want to pick up some OT at work, but that will hinder my mileage and I already feel it has been on a down trend as of late...

Columbus 1/2 Marathon 2011

2011-10-17T13:01:00.000-07:00

Hopefully, I will write this race recap faster than I actually ran yesterday.

Ever since I graduated from nursing school, I have had a very nonchalant perspective going into a race, with the exception of Akron. I have not felt the pre-race jitters, the butterflies in my stomach or that deep burning intensity in my gut for awhile now (and I miss it). Sunday was no exception.

I woke up with no feeling of dread, no nervousness about my target time, nothing. I prepped my stuff and left the hotel solo with my tunes blaring in my ears, trying to focus. I wasn't sure how to get to the start, so I just followed the massess. It was about a 10 minute walk. I stripped down to my sports bra and shorts, so I could bag check my gear and met up with my old boss from LH, JB for a 15-20 minute warm-up. We ducked into the Westin so I could use the fancy bathroom one last time before the race (I am too awesome to use a port-o-potty --- hahaha).

We arrived back just as the gun went off to start the wheelchair racers. I wished JB good luck as he was in corral C (1:46-1:55) and I headed to corral B (1:36-1:45). I was hoping to be able to PR (sub-1:38) when I signed up for this, but I knew I wasn't even close. I, unlike apparently a large number of runners, according to A-train, dropped back to where I felt I should be seeded (I can't tell you how one of my biggest pet peeves are runner's who seed themselves too far up and force those who should be there to run around them -- Idiots!!)

The race start was easily the fastest I'd ever been in. I didn't have to run around anybody and I had plenty of room. It was a little warmer than I would have liked, but I like it in the 40's because I am a freak, but for most it was perfect. It was still pretty dark and I had my glasses on to, so I wouldn't have to mess with them during the race.

My goal was to target 1:43 for the half. I knew anything over 1:45 would make me feel embarassed (not that 1:43 is fast), but my expectation was to be under 8:00/mile. When I race I only have one goal. Until that goal goes out of my reach, I do not change it, no A, B, or C goals, just that one. If that goal becomes unattainable in the race, I immediately adjust and make a new goal. It is the same process at work. Things are ever changing and I have to prioritize and make decisions for the best outcomes. I had printed out the pace band to take along, but only wrote down the splits for miles 4, 8, and 12 (I would end up not using them for the race as I saw my splits at the 3 and 5 mile markers).

The race starts off on a long straight for about 3 miles. It was a great set-up so runners could spread out a bit before crushing on the corners to hit the tangents. I started on the left and about 1/2 mile into the race my necklace fell off. My niece had picked it out for me this summer and I wasn't ok with losing it. I stopped and went back for it nearly getting plowed down by a ton of runners, but I saved the necklace and secured back around my neck where it belonged.

I tried to relax and focus on running "half marathon effort." I was a little unsure of what that was and I kept telling myself to "slow down" and "relax." It seemed easy, but easy can go ugly fast in the longer races. I only had a watch on and I refused to look at it until mile 4. I could see the 3:15 pacer up ahead with the balloons and I knew I HAD to slow the "F" down. I had to learn to trust myself again and not rely on the clock to dictate my pace. I completely missed mile 1 and by mile 2 the 3:15 pacer had moved ahead quite a bit, which was good. Mile 3 I saw the clock and it said 23:26. I figured I was about a minute behind and knew I was still too fast!! 22:26 that was nearly 5k pace for me.

I didn't even bother checking my watch at mile 4 because I knew I would be ahead of the time I had on my hand. I really enjoyed the course and the fans. It reminded me of parts of Akron, without all the hills (thankfully). The official clock showed said 39:01 at the 5 mile marker as I passed.

Somewhere around this time the 3:25 pacer and company swallowed me. It startled me because I hadn't seen a 3:20 pacer. In retrospect it makes sense, because of the new Boston standards, but it's weird nonetheless. They were moving faster than me and I knew I had to stay with them if I wanted to hit my goal. I was a little nervous to because they had time on me from the start, since I had crossed first.

The second start around the 10k marker was strange. I didn't think the crowd was any bigger than some of the other spots on the course, but the effort made by the Columbus marathon to make this a first class race was not lost on me.

As we got back out on Broad Street I started to feel a little fatigue. I was only half way done and in between my thoughts of "Oh shit" I tried to remind myself to stay calm, acknowledge I was tired, relax and just hold a steady pace. To add insult to injury some guy in a kilt and blond wig passed me about then. I noticed the 3:25 balloons had gotten a little farther ahead of me too. I forced myself to work my way back to the balloons and to stare at them. "Focus on the balloons Heier!! Focus!!"

I feel as of late, I get theses bouts of ADD in races and as I passed by a DJ on the left side playing a dope jam that started to pump me up a little, I heard a rock band on the other side drowning it out somewhat. The master mix just ended up annoying me as I ran by. Why would someone place a DJ across from a band and not spread them out with one farther down the street?

"The balloons Heier!! Where are the Balloons?!" again "Focus!!"   I was struggling to breathe a little at this point and I forced myself to slow and take a few breathes, trying to re-center myself. I could tell my arm swing had become a little more side-to-side and I was hunching over more. I dropped my arms down lower focused on driving my elbows back and engaging my hips. The balloons had gotten a little closer.

By mile 9 my right leg had turned to cement (usually it's my left leg, with the bad hamstring and the chronic plantar fasicitis that takes a dump on me). My quad was aching and I could feel those precursor twinges a runner gets in their hamstring and calf before they ball up and say STOP!! I have not been running the mileage I normally run in prep for a marathon and I assumed this was just a side effect.

It was apparent this was going to get somewhat painful for the last half hour and I was going to have to fight to make my goal. I had talked to A-train on the drive down and promised him I would not be a pussy and I would run hard for the entire race, no matter how bad it hurt. I was regretting that promise from mile 9 on.

My breathing was more labored and there were some spots where we hit a headwind.  It was a double edged sword. I wasn't happy to be running into the wind because it was slowing me down even more, but it felt so nice. I was hot from mile 2 and had been dumping water on my shoulders throughout the race.

When I hit mile 10, I tried to tell myself it was only a 5k, 24 minutes. It didn't matter 5k was too far. I could only focus on one mile at a time. Mile 11 came and went, along with my breathing. I was dead. I pushed forward and the the "F-bombs" came spewing out in my mind...

"F*ckin' run!"
"Don't be a f*ckin' pussy Heier!"
"Less than 2 f*ckin' miles!"
"You should quit now, you can't f*ckin' do it. Show the world what a quitter you are!!"

That last one worked -- it always does. I got angry enough to force myself to mile 12. I know it seems strange, but whenever I feel numb and I am fading, when I tell myself to quit, to stop, that I can't do it, somewhere deep down I get angry enough to hold on a little longer. Completely stupid, but it works for me.

With one mile to go, I pushed from one traffic light to the next. I knew it was going to be really close and I felt like I was barely picking up my right leg. I could see a straight-a-way that ended going uphill with a left turn. I knew the finish was around that corner. The crowds were cheering and screaming. I used their energy to keep my head up and drive my ass up the hill. I hoped the finish wasn't too far past the corner.

I made the turn and couldn't see the finish, just some balloons and banners up ahead. My only saving grace was it was downhill. I let rip. I didn't even give a shit at that point if I cramped up. The downhill was steep enough I would just barrel roll to the finish if I went down, either way it would be over.

Luckily, I crossed the line on 2 legs. A wave of nausea hit me when I stopped and I immediately bent over. I realize I really don't run that hard. I just have a weak stomach when it comes to racing. The nausea passed after a few minutes and I grabbed a mylar blanket and my medal. I thanked the soldier who hung it around my neck for the medal and for protecting our country.

I made my way to the side to wait for JB, who was just a few minutes behind me and who got himself a 3 minute PR. I would not be able to do a cool down. My right leg was shot for the day.

My official time was 1:43:35. I missed my goal by 35 seconds, but that's okay. It was a realistic, but tough goal for me. I am not mad or disappointed. I ran with everything I had yesterday.  It was my 3rd fastest 1/2 marathon ever. I kept my promise I did not run like a pussy.

Rounds 8 and 9

2011-10-12T11:43:00.000-07:00

I have switched back to days the last 2 weeks and it is ALWAYS crazier at work and more time consuming, but only to the point where I get behind logging my workouts (I still do them). Running is vital to my sanity and stress relief at work. It's not even the stress of not liking the job. It is the stress of not doing enough for my patients, not "saving" them. The miles of running allow me to rehash all the work stressors and refreshing me to start anew. It is my medicine for burnout.

Okay so here it is...

Round 8 (9/26-10/02) -- this week absolutely rocked for me running wise!!

Mon: 5 miles (9:24/mile roads and easy)
Tues: 7.6 miles (speedwork 4x1200 w/ 3:00 min rest target 5:30, actual 5:23, 5:27, 5:25, 5:25)
Wed: OFF
Thur: 6.1 miles (tempo 2 miles 7:18, 7:22)
Fri: 16.50 miles (9:01/mile long run easy)
Sat: 9.54 miles (paced run target 7 miles 7:50-8:10/mile, actual 7 at 7:56/mile)
Sun: OFF

Total: 44.74 miles

Round 9 (10/3-10/9) -- and this week actually kinda sucked. I felt tired and slow...

Mon: OFF
Tues: 3.64 (8:40/mile easy, exhausted from 12+ hrs at work)
Wed: OFF
Thur: 7.65 (blown tempo anything above 55 is too hot; 0.94 miles in 7:49 (8:21/mile), 1 mile easy 10:04, 1.94 miles at 7:36/mile,-- ackk!!)
Fri: 3.85 (9:23 easy, still feel exhausted, achy all over, hard to breathe)
Sat: 9 miles (Ladder 400, 800, 1200, 1200, 800, 400, with 1/2 the time rest interval -- I got up at 6:30 in the morning to avoid the heat and do this)
Target 1:50 per 400
Actual 1:43, 3:47, 5:30, 5:26, 3:36, 1:50
and 4 miles (9:25/mile easy in the late afternoon)
Sun: 6 miles (9:13, was going to be a long run, but still tired aching and can't breathe -- too warm)

Total: 34.14

Seems there is always a week every few weeks where my body just quits on me and acts like it has never done this before.

Top Gun

2011-09-30T23:48:00.000-07:00

It's getting easier, running that is. The soreness and stiffness after runs, when I get out of bed and just in general has minimized. I'm feeling more rested too. I know aerobic changes can take 6-9 weeks, so hopefully I've finally adapted a little.

I ran a nice 16+ miles tonight in the rain. I had hoped I might catch a break from the down pour, but nothing doing. I thought the run would be rough too, seeing as how I went out and had 2 glasses of malbec wine and 2 more beers when I came home last night. (side note: I am not a bum, but I don't really go out anymore, unless you count me leaving the house for work or to go running).

I've come to terms with my performance at Akron and I'm moving on. No I take that back, I am using that race as motivation to train smarter and harder (and not run like that again). I am egocentric. I have always appreciated each and every opportunity to share a running (or triathlon or basketball) experience with whomever it is, but I am a competitive junkie at heart. When I am the slowest person or the least talented person, of course I am going to kill myself to be the best. The clock and the scoreboard don't reflect my effort, they just show how close or how far I am from the better opponent. It's like Iceman says in "Top
Gun" -- "No points for second place boys."

I am my own worst critic. I have been characterized as overly analytical more times than I can count. However, I am a realist and while I will never be Kara Goucher, I still have more milestones and PRs to attain. I just gotta "watch the hardeck" and maybe, just maybe I'll be able to "buzz the tower" soon.

Round 7 -- Already???

2011-09-29T06:32:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I'm half way through my training block and I've only had (IMO) one crappy week of training. While I didn't always have the most stellar runs, the mileage has remained steadfast and I have become a woman on fire diligently trying to get in every run. In fact, this week I took my very first day of paid time off (PTO) for my birthday, just to ensure my mileage goal was met. I got paid for 4 days and only worked 3 and that extra day off yielded quite the mileage windfall to my delight. Sometimes, I wish I worked three 12's, but with the 4 rotating shifts I do have the opportunity to hit some mega OT (and I need the $$$) and I like that a whole lot come pay day...

Mon: 4 miles (9:04/mile - roads, tight and sore)
Tues: 2 miles (10:00/mile - easy on the TM in the AM after work) and 6 miles (speedwork 6 x 400 meteres @ 6:50/mile with 400 meter RI @ 10:00/mile and 2 x 200 meters @ 6: 45/mile with 200 meter RI @ 10:00) mile on TM to wake up the 3 fast twitch muscle fibers I have in PM after some sleep) -- also strength training for core and upper body PM
Wed: 5 miles (9:24/mile - roads, easy, still tight and sore) then ice bath -- brrrrrrr!!
Thur: OFF
Fri: 2.50 miles (No watch - easy shake out run before race with 4 x 100 meter strides)
Sat: 13.05 miles (2.5 mile warm-up, Akron Relay Leg, and 7.75 cool-down)
Sun: 20+ miles (9:13/mile - long run, roads, Garmin refused to come on)

Total Miles: 52.55 miles

Arkon Marathon Relay (Four Fast Freaky Females) 2011

2011-09-26T10:40:00.000-07:00

As most of you know the Akron Marathon relay is for 5 people and my team name is "Four Fast Freaky Females," so either

a) my team did not count me as fast
or
b) we were short a runner and someone had to run two legs

While the more believable answer is a) the truth is b).

I was to run the 2.8 mile leg through Sand Run. I had never done the 5-person relay before, but having run the full and the 2 person relay one time each, I have ALWAYS run this section. It is in my opinion the worst section of the course. It is boring like the towpath and mostly uphill. There is nothing exciting going on and it comes between mile 15.5 and 18.3 (which completely sucks for the marathoners). If you survive this section the course is awesome to the finish, not easy, but way more exciting!!

I was the only teammate not in bun huggers. I want to wear tight shorts, but I'm too smooshy and too slow (it's more the smooshiness that I defer from the bun huggers than the slowness). Anyway, my mom was nice enough to get up at 5:00am to haul me down to the start and then to the relay point. We were able to watch the start of the race and see e-speed come through at HER pedestrian pace (which is still a pace, many of us can only dream to run for one mile). We screamed and cheered for her as she ran down High Street before jumping in the car and heading out to my relay point.

My legs had felt pretty good the night before on my shake out run. I had taken an ice bath on Thursday and only worked 3 days leading up to the race. The plan was to run for fun, but the girls fun pace is still faster than my "shit your pants pace," so I still felt I had to run as hard as I could.

I ran about 2.5 miles easy for a warm-up and felt pretty good. It was overcast and cool. I wasn't certain how fast we would be but I figured worst case scenario daisy would be in at 1:45:30 (that's 7:00/mile). Impressive huh? I jogged down the hill backwards to try and stay warm and loose and as I turned to jog back I saw a woman coming that looked an awful lot like, yep you guessed it....DAISY!!

Oh boy! Game time. I ran back up to the hill and jumped just a few steps in front of the mat. Daisy was almost to me when one of the race people started yelling at me to get back behind the line, runners were coming. All I could think was "Look ya crazy broad!! This is my teammate and she is the only one here!!!" I took one step and she kept yelling, but I ignored her. Daisy had to run up the hill to me and was probably exhausted and as far as I was concerned once she crossed the mat her job was done. I grabbed the snap bracelet out of her hand and took off. I secured the bracelet to my wrist and then started my garmin. I felt good and knew I probably wouldnn't catch anybody, but hopefully I wouldn't get passed by too many. The first mile felt awesome (it should have it was downhill or flat). I dont' look at my Garmin when I run, but after reviewing my splits it came back at 6:52.

Mile 2 started okay, but between the hills, the inclines and the curvy road I started to slow. I kept thinking "you're not dead yet, run dammit, run!!" I felt like I had run a 5k by the end of mile 2 and I was breathing heavy. I felt like I was in quicksand. I tried to keep pushing myself. "Just 0.8 miles, Hang on!!" I kept telling myself. My garmin split 7:42 (what the hell, just happened?).

Salty said she would run back about a half mile to meet me, but when my watch beeped she wasn't there. I know I started my garmin late, so I was well passed 2.5 miles and I didn't see the relay point either. Oh shit!! Was this course long? As I rounded a bend to the right, there she was just up ahead running toward me (Thank you Jesus!!). She did a U-turn and I could feel her trying to pull me along up to her, but she was too fast and I could see the gap getting bigger. No women in the relay had passed me until that point and then it happened. A significantly faster chick ran me down. I figured Salty was faster, but what about the girl Salty had to run against? Had I just cost us a spot? I hung on as best I could and ran for the mat.

I crossed the mat, relieved to be done, or so I thought. Salty was running away from me and the race people kept telling us to keep coming!! What the hell, not again, except now I was on the other end of it and hurting. Finally got the snap bracelet into Salty's hand and stopped my Garmin. It had 0.9 at 6:55, yuck!! I figure starting my garmin late and still being over the distance put me close to 3 miles insteasd of 2.8 -- SHIT!!

I bent over disgusted with the way my leg of the race had gone. I was bent over and spitting in the grass, trying to decided if I needed to puke or not.

I hoped I hadn't cost my teammates too much time. I think my official time was 21:23 (suck it!!)

Turns out that girl that had passed me was on a mixed relay team, and Salty ran the last girl down anyway. We finished in 2:53:57. We were 3rd overall and missed 2nd by a mere 23 seconds. All, I had to do was run 8.5 seconds per mile faster and I couldn't do it. Who knows had I run under 7:00/mile like the rest of my team, perhaps I would have set Salty up for a fighting chance at the line with the first place team. Damn, my slowness!!!!

I do feel I let them down and I am embarassed. I trained as best I could leading up to the race and ran as hard as I could, yet I am still disappointed. I don't want to end this on a bad note because everything else about the day was awesome.

E-speed was like Tigger on speed bouncing around from the start of the day until the finish. Daisy was her usual matter of fact self, all business, changing hats from relay team leader to party captain without missing a beat and Salty taking it all in stride, enjoying a little free time with friends, smiling from ear to ear like the cheshire cat before heading home to share her day with the mini-salties.

As for me, I'm glad they let me run on their team, drink a few alcoholic beverages and share in the moment.

Round 6 (almost half way)

2011-09-25T14:20:00.000-07:00

This post reminds me quite a bit of my running and by that I mean -- Behind!! I can't help it, but that's how I feel. It's been six weeks since I started trying to run more than 15 miles a week and I am just not seeing the time progressions in my races like I used to or had hoped to. Although, I am not training harder than normal, I am definitely tired than in the past training cycles with all this work mixed in. I guess I am still trying to cope with being older and being slower, and just when I thought I had the ability to get faster too, after my anemia was fixed a few years ago, arrggghhh!!!

Mon: OFF
Tues: 4.25 (8:46/mile - attempted long run gone bad, legs were sluggish)
Wed: OFF
Thurs:17.39 (8:39/mile - went out for 8 miles after work and weather was so perfect, forgot to come back - long run)
Fri: OFF
Sat: 9.92 (9:05/mile - quads sore from Thursday)
Sun: 4.74 (warm-up and cooldown for race) and 5K race (7:25/mile)

Total: 39.43 miles

Cuyahoga Falls Natatorium 5k

2011-09-21T06:52:00.000-07:00

I had a strange request for my 34th birthday. I wanted my family to run/walk a 5k. Everyone was game, even my sister-in-law who was 4 months pregnant and who would be pushing my 18 month old niece. Whoo Hoo!!

It seemed after lots of trash talking amongst certain family members, only my little brother and I would be running. My little brother is by far the best runner in the family (he ran a marathon when he was 15, because he is nuts), but after dislocating his knee cap a few times over the past 10+ years his leg just doesn't handle the repetitive pounding that running provides.

My legs were trashed from the 17+ miles I had run after work on Thursday. It had been such a nice evening when I had gotten home from work the scheduled 8 miles, somehow transformed into 17. I thought maybe a 3 mile warm-up would help workout some of the stiffness, but all throughout the warm-up, I felt fatigued and tight. I stretched and did a few dynamic exercises along with some striders -- nothing seemed to help.

My brother and I started somewhere in the middle, which was still too far back. We had to run around people and it took us a few seconds to just cross the starting line. My brother's plan was to try and run with me (and then probably move in for the kill at the end) for as long as possible. My plan was to run steady effort throughout and not fade, like last time.

The course was not flat. It was rolling, but shaded. There were a lot more women in front of me than I had hoped. I hoped some of them would start coming back to me as the miles wore on and to my delight a few did by the first mile. I felt good and on cruise control. Mile 1 was 7:20 and although I felt good, it was slower than the last race and knowing there were more rollers coming I had low expectations.

Mile 2 seemed to take forever and I was able to get a few more girls, so I think I passed about 6 at this point. I had lost my brother almost immediately and hoped he was just a few steps behind me. I was breathing well, but my legs were dead. I split 7:27.

At the start of the last mile, I had been focused on this brunette in a long sleeve white tee and black capris. I had worked my way up to her over the last two miles. She had faded pretty hard, but I had the feeling that if I passed her she would be one of those that will fight you to the end, even if she has to sprint, back-off, sprint and back-off -- you know the kind I'm talking about. I don't usually strategize in a foot race. I am too slow. I just run my best to the finish, but for some reason with her, I felt if I passed her I would have to pick-it up and give her the impression that I had started off slow and was now just getting up to a pace that she shouldn't even bother trying to hang on to.

Apparently, I am a bad actress. I opened my stride up and took off as I passed her. I know I gapped her, I could feel it as I ran hard for about 200 meters. I had also managed to close the gap on two women up ahead of me. I tried to focus on catching them, but I had the feeling that the girl behind me was more of a threat than the two in front of me. I surged again as I caught and passed each girl. I was definitely beat at this point and with 500 meters to go I hit the last hill before the finish and then it happened. The girl I had passed and suspected would be a threat at the finish passed me! Crap!! I picked up the pace and stayed with her to the 3rd mile marker and split 7:29.

As always, when you hit that 3 mile marker in a race the last .1 feels infinitely longer than when you run it in a warm-up. I was gassed. She picked it up and started pulling away. I half-ass tried, but my body and my heart had nothing. I couldn't get my legs moving faster than a 6:55/mile pace. I hit the line in 23:13 (garmin). I don't know the official results, the website is "under construction."

My garmin said 3.14 and avg pace was 7:25/mile, which was about the same as the last 5k. Uuugghhh!! I am so not progressing as fast as I would like to.

My little brother finished in 24:37 (7:55/mile). He said could see me up until the last mile and then I "took off." We laughed about that, because he admittedly faded pretty hard that last mile and ran 8:45.

My parents finished holding hands (my dad was listed first in the results, so of course he razzed my mom, who will probably never finish a race with him again, haha!). My preggo sister finished by running into the finish and my niece started screaming bloody murder at the 2 mile marker so my brother had to pick her up (she gets a DNF!!).

Here is the video to the finish. I think I am somewhere afte 7 mins and my brother is about 8:30 - 9:00 minutes in.

An Unnecessary Thank You

2011-09-19T08:02:00.000-07:00

In my last post I mentioned I had received a letter from a family member of a cancer patient thanking me for my "help." As I also mentioned I don't feel I did anything extraordinary, but I did what I do, and will ALWAYS do for my patients. This is why I chose oncology and why I can be an oncology nurse.

Yes, it tears me apart when a patient and his wife get discharged after just being told to go to the beach, spend time with your loved ones because all avenues of treatment have been exhausted and goodbyes are less than a year away, like I did on Friday last week. I shed a few tears of my own with them and hugged them goodbye, really pissed off there wasn't anything else I could do for him, angry that this stupd disease existed.

This stupid disease can scare even the strongest and bravest at any moment, even those with very promising outcomes, like my other patient. He needed 3 cycles of chemo and had tolerated the first cycle just fine, but this second round he was hit with chemo-induced nausea and vomiting (CINV), and it scared him so badly he wanted me to stop his infusion pumps and discharge him at that instant. We talked (and I don't consider myself funny, but for some reason others do and my sense of humor has become an asset in oncology) and laughed, even left the building for a little bit. In the end, he survived his second round of chemotherapy and gave me a huge bear hug before he left the unit to go home upon discharge.

I am always touched by the large and small gestures of cancer patients and their families. It reminds me even for those who I can't help save, perhaps the support and care I gave them helped ease their mind and pain for just one second.

Anyway, here are the letters I received from the family...

"I would like to acknowledge Beth for being such a kind,compassionate and informative nurse. She has provided patient X, who has cancer and is struggling with this, has renewed my hope in our profession. The time, care and true understanding of a pt's needs made me proud to have met her."

and (same family, different person)

"I wanted to thank you for going above and beyond, showing sincere compassion for patient X when he needed it. You are an incredible nurse, and my family is thankful he was in your hands."

and the letter they wrote to my boss...

"Dear (ElizaBeth's Boss),

I wanted to thank you for being kind to patient X, although I know you treat everyone like that-I would just like to recognize your thoughtfulness.

Also your nurse Elizabeth Hxxxx, (I hope I spelled it correctly), showed patient X empathy, warmth, and understanding during a difficult time. Despite having other work to attend to, she took time to destress patient X by walking him outside, which made all the difference. She had to stay late to chart and never complained about it, instead she held patient X's hand and talked with my family. She admitted she is a newer nurse, but one would not be able to tell. Her thoroughness, motivation and skills preceded her. She is your best asset and thought you should know how wonderful one of your own has done.

On behalf of patient X, my family and myself-thank you!"

It was extremely kind of this family and unnecessary for them to recognize me like this and I appreciate their kind words more than they will ever know.

Round 5....

2011-09-17T16:36:00.000-07:00

was in my opinion a fail! Monday started off well with the race and some additional running, but then Tuesday I was asked to work over, Wednesday I was scheduled 12, Thursday I tried to get back on the horse, but by Friday I got bucked off. Friday I had my first float shift to a leukemia floor (and no it's not the same stuff as on my floor) for 8 hours only to have the boss call and ask if I could stay over for a total of 12 and then with the full moon Saturday and Sunday the patient's went crazy!! When it was all said and done I worked 63 hours.

Although, running was not the focus of my time for the week I feel the work I put in with my patients was well worth the trade (I'll even share a letter I got from a patient's family in another post). I don't feel I went above and beyond or did anything I wouldn't normally do.

Mon AM: 12.3 (0.73 mile warm-up, 5k race, 3.42 mile cool-down)
Mon PM: 5.05 (8:33/mile a little bit harder than an easy run)
Tues: OFF
Wed: OFF
Thur: 11.62 (8:40/mile - long run)
Fri: OFF
Sat: OFF
Sun: OFF (very glad, but tired this work marathon was over for 2 days)

Total: 23.92 miles

Round 4

2011-09-08T08:46:00.000-07:00

I have been following this SmartCoach training plan from Runner's World. It has me running 3 times a week (one long run and one tempo or speedwork and then an easy 3-6 miler). I have been able to run those workouts and then squeeze in easy miles around the two (hard) workouts the best I can. I have managed to cover about 10-15 miles more than this plan calls for which makes me feel a lot better than picking a more intense, harder program would have. I believe the latter would just frustate me because of my ever changing work schedule. The additional mileage has come by doing doubles on my days off and on days when it seems pretty much silly to suit up to run but I have jumped on the treadmill to get in a mere 2 miles at a poker's pace, just to say ... "I ran."

Mon: OFF
Tues: 2 miles (treadmill easy - 10:00/mile)
Wed: OFF
Thur: 15.25 miles (roads - 8:34/mile - skies opened up and lightening tried to strike this turtle down!!)
Fri:
Sat: 4.1 miles (roads easy - 9:00/mile)
Sun: 11.1 (SERC run - 8:29 - quads felt beat-up)

Total: 32.45 miles

Each week there are days I really just don't want to do the mileage to break 30 or even 10 miles, but when I type this up I'm glad I did. I think this running is also really helping keep my head about me at work. I had my second code blue (in retrospect, the patient never truly lost a pulse ) at work yesterday and was the second responder, never left the room and took it all in stride. Also, had a patient who wanted to stop treatment in the middle of his chemo bags and leave due to severe chemotherapy induced nausea vomiting and a PCNA that was to say the least not very helpful yesterday. I think I punched out at 9:30ish last night for another 14 hour day and I'm ready to go at it all over again -- after I enjoy my day off today ;o)

Aurora Labor Day 5k - The Fade Away

2011-09-05T11:29:00.000-07:00

The last time I ran this race was 2006 or 2007. Let's just say it had been awhile.

Anyway, this week called for a 3 mile tempo at 8:00/mile. I had just done that a week or so ago, but the idea of running it on the treadmill did not appeal to me -- at all and the weather was 65F and overcast (a near perfect day in my book to race), so at 8:14am this morning, I made the executive decision to hit up the race that started at 9:00am.

Registration and packet pick-up were efficient and quick. I even had time to hit the porta-john twice before the race. I only managed 0.75 miles for my warm-up. My legs, specifically my quads were tight and a little sore from yesterday's run. I kept reminding myself, this is going to cover your tempo workout this week and be way easier, if you're racing. I did a few striders and lined up. I planned to run my hardest and hoped it would be in the 7:30s.

I had been guessing my fitness level based on my long runs and treadmill workouts, but with the relay coming up in a few weeks I need to know how close to 7:00/miles I would be. Obviously, I am hoping for sub-7s (as I'm sure my teammates are too). So, I needed a fix. I needed a race, not only to see where I was physically, but mentally.

I started too far back, on purpose in hopes of going out conservative and picking it up each mile. It would ultimately cost me at the end, but alas I wasn't out to win the race (not that I ever would be).

The race is two laps around the park. There is one little incline in the first .25 miles and then a small but steep hill right before mile 1.

The horn sounded and it seemed a lot of people didn't move. "What are they doing?" I thought. The race was only chipped at the finish, not the start. I immediately ran by a bunch of people. I didn't see any fast chicks at the race and new I would more than likely be toward the front. I assumed some high school ringer might blow the field away, but that wasn't the case (duh!! cross country season is in full swing). I followed a blonde through the mile 1 and split 7:16 (garmin - 7:18). That was a lot better than I thought it would be. I felt good too, but I didn't want to die at 1.5, so I tried to rein it in and stay under control as I passed the blonde and took advantage of the nice little decline back to the entrance of the park.

We had to make a handful of sharp turns back at the entrance to the park before heading out for lap 2, which definitley wasn't helping me. My breathing was good, but my legs were fatigued and my stomach was a little off. You know how you poop before a race and then you get that crampy, either you're gonna crap your pants or your uterus is gonna fall out feeling? Well, I had a mild case of that as I neared the 2 mile marker. The timer called out 13:2x and I was glad I had my garmin on. It was undoubtedly short. I ran and ran and no beep. Crap!! It finally beeped, but I didn't care what the split showed and just kept running. Mile 2 split (per Garmin) 7:25.

I was hoping at this point, I would feel good and be able to pull out my fastest mile here at the end. I finally saw a girl about .5 miles ahead and she looked like she was fading. I tried to focus on her and close the gap. I wondered if she would look back to see if anyone was behind her. She never did. We passed the water stop and I heard someone call out 4th woman as I went by. I managed to work my way up to her with a little at a time. As we came out of the woods to the front of the park where the finish was I wasn't exactly sure if we cut through the grass to the finish or had to go around on the path. It didn't matter. GD saw me and yelled "Come on ElizaBeth!!!"

Now, I have never seen a girl jump like that in my life, but apparently that woke her up and just like that she straightened up her form and picked up the pace. "Darn It!" I hadn't planned on trying to kill myself yet. Oh well, I took off and remarkably closed the gap on her! I was almost on her shoulder. I yelled "Come on girl!! I'm coming!! Go!! You can do this!!" to her. She picked up the pace and I matched her, running right off her shoulders. I yelled again. "I'm still coming!!" or something like that and she found another gear and so did I. She crossed the finish banner one step in front of me, but the mats were 2 steps after that. I had once made the stupid mistake of stopping too soon, so I went to the mat. Mile 3, 7:35. (That song, "Sail Away" popped in my head, but I changed the lyrics to "Fade Away, Fade Away --- Booooo!!!) And the last 451ft., 31.5 seconds.

I felt great at the finish, except for my stomach, which was a little wonky. I knew I had to hit the bathroom asap. I shook hands with the girl and congratulated her. She definitely didn't look too good at the finish. I asked if she was okay, before leaving her and she nodded. I ran to the bathroom and felt better after I did my business.

At the awards ceremony, they had me as 3rd female overall, because the girl had stopped after she crossed the banner and walked to the mat, but I explained to the RD what had happened and pointed out the girl that should be 3rd overall. She was super nice about it and I told her it was a training run for me to gauge where my fitness was at. She said the same for her. I suppose, to the mat I beat her. Had I started up farther in the beginning of the race perhaps I would have never had this happen. Either way, it is a shoulda, coulda, woulda, such as this I think, that makes runners even more neurotic and overly analytical than they already are. I'm not sure what was in the little box the top overalls got, but I'm okay with not having it whatever it is. My official time was 22:49. Avg Pace: 7:24.

In basketball, the fade away is a sweet shot (Michael Jordan did it best, in my opinion), but in running there's nothing sweet about it.

Round 3

2011-08-30T07:35:00.000-07:00

Well, I survived another round of training and work. It is definitely easier when it's not my weekend to work. My run week runs Monday - Sunday, but my work schedule runs Sunday-Saturday, so when I work 12s on the weekends it just mess everything up.

I don't know why I set myself up this fall the way I did. It could be I like a challenge, maybe I like to just be stressed out about a lot of things, or perhaps I'm a sadist and just glutton for some punishment. Whatever the reason I signed myself up for a full, a half and the Akron marathon relay. I'm the least nervous about the half, but the other two.... Well, I would like to PR in the marathon again and with the relay I have 3 freaky fast chicks counting on me to drop the trailer and move my butt.

Training is much more difficult than I thought it would be with 3 days/week off. One day, half the time is just dedicated to recovering from the long hours I put in at work. Not to mention, I am a sucker for OT. These last two weeks at work have been extremely stressful on the unit, because the patient acuity is so high and we are short-staffed. This stresses the nurses that are coming to work out and then they call off, so it's just one stressful day after another. I refuse to call off, even though I dread the thought of going in some days and I hate having too many patients I don't know where to begin, so when the boss asks if I can come in early to help alleviate evening shift, of course I say yes.

All that said, here is the run down from round 3. I am on borrowed time as I offered to come back in at 7:00pm tonight and it's already 10:30am and I need some sleep.

Mon: 13 miles (long run - 8:34/mile)
Tues: 2 miles (easy treadmill - 10:00/mile) and rehab exercises (SI joint in my spine is bugging me)
Wed: OFF
Thur: OFF
Fri: 8 miles (tempo 2 mile warm-up with 4x100 strides, 3 miles at 8:00/mile, 1 mile easy 10:00/mile, 1 mile 7:30/mile, 1 mile cool-down)
Sat: 7.5 miles (easy roads - 9:12/mile)
Sun: Double Day 2 miles (easy 8:42), 7.5 miles (easy - 8:34/mile) and rehab exercises

Total: 40 miles
Peace OUT!!

Work vs. Training - Let the Battle Begin

2011-08-23T09:39:00.000-07:00

I have had a rather challenging time figuring out how to solidify a training regiment that fits my revolving schedule. It is nearly impossible to workout on the days when I work 12 hour shifts and if I am behind to begin with on my sleep, the days I work 8's I find myself coming home exhausted and falling into bed in hopes of catching up on some much needed rest and forgoing yet another workout.

I am still fighting the good fight, trying not to succumb to the ever popular American lifestyle. That one which the way too many are overworked throughout the day and come home to eating comfort food and laying on the couch only wishing they had the energy to get out there and do it.

All that said, last week's training was pretty much thwarted by my 53 hours of work (not counting drive time). Saturday night, I barely made it to A-train's house a little after 10pm, without falling asleep at the wheel, to pass out and get back up at 5:15 am and do it all over again. Each day at work was more and more stressful for me. Lots of complications (neutropenic fever, nausea/vomiting, constipation, high methotrexate levels, bone mets with compression fractures and my all time favorite c-diff) made the thought of the day "F me!!" I couldn't hang blood, potassium, set-up PCA pumps and provide emotional support for extremely anxious family members who wanted to vent on me fast enough. I kept thinking "who is gonna die?" and that's who I would go see and that meant sometimes 1 of my 5 patient's didn't see me for a few hours.

Anyway, here is the rundown for the last two weeks.

Week of 8/8-8/14
Mon: off
Tues: off
Wed: off
Thur: 11.11 ran (3.0 in afternoonat 10:00/mile, 2.96 warm-up and 5.15 race)
Fri: 4.5 ran easy (9:25/mile)
Sat: 9.55 trails at S. Chagrin (10:03/mile)
Sun: 10.5 long run (8:40/mile - ran around at Perfect 10 miler)

Total: 35.67 miles

Week of 8/15-8/21
Mon: off
Tues: off
Wed: off
Thur: 6.5 speedwork (2 mile warm-up, 2 x 1 mile at 7:38 and 1 x 1 mile at 7:35 with 800 meter RI at 10:00/mile)
Fri: 10.15 trails at N. Chagrin (9:09/mile)
Sat: off
Sun: off

Total: 16.65

Twilight Trail 8K Race (My Eleanor)

2011-08-14T13:39:00.000-07:00

For those of you that have seen the movie "Gone in 60 Seconds" you know what I am referring to when I call this race my Eleanor.

Every year that I have run this race, I have barely made it up th big hill only to blow up. Hell, I have even thrown-up throughout the race sometimes and always at the end.

This year I hoped it would be different. I wanted a PR, but more importantly I wanted to do the course like a progression run with each mile getting faster, until I was at all out effort coming into the finish (not the first mile).

I had only been running about 10-15 mpw and knew I needed to get back into the groove of things, work or no work, this couch potaot/lazy ass BS had to come to an end (I'm not really lazy, work just sucks up a minimum of 48 hours/week now).

I jumped on the treadmill a little before noon and did 3 easy miles, then did some upper body and core training for about 20 minutes. I ate and waited for 5:00 pm to come, trying to get caught up on laundry, blogging and cleaning up in general. I almost chickened out, but somehow made the drive, 2 detours and all to the start. I was really early, hoping the race had not filled up and I could still get in. I even donated an extra $5, since the race proceeds go for such a great cause (Cleveland Rape Crisis Center).

I decided to run an easy 3 mile warm-up 1/2 road, 1/2 trails with my headphones on full blast. I felt a little warm with my shirt on, but my legs didn't feel dead as per there usual at this race. E-speed passed me on my warm-up pointing to her ears, later telling me that she had been screaming at me, but I hadn't even heard her (I know IMPOSSIBLE right?).

Almost forgot to spray myself with bug spray before the start, but caught my mistake with about 5 minutes to go before the start. I lined up in the middle of my age group. I also had my headphones on. I felt I needed to be able to drown out everything around me and get it done today. I know 'phones are a sin in some groups and I never wear them when I race, but today I was going to break the rules. I had every intention of going out nice and easy, too slow if need be. Nothing mattered but keeping my heart rate low and surviving the first 2 miles.

God, I was so nervous I was going to mess this race up like every other year that when the horn sounded I almost didn't move. I trotted through the grass, trying not to pass people and go out too hard. We hit the woods and before I knew it, we were crossing the stream me, daisy, twizzle (and of course e-speed too) had foolishly jumped in, on an all girls Halloween run a few years ago. It was much shallower and I opted to ford it in a different spot than most of the racers (didn't even get my feet wet).

The big hill was next. I was going slow enough still. I was breathing easy, but just the thought of the hill stressed me out as I ran. I started up the hill nice and easy, slowing as the effort increased until I felt I was working too hard and then I WALKED. To hell with this hill I thought. I have run it before and it kills me. I watched person after person pass me on the steepest part and kept wondering what the hell was wrong with me, why couldn't I do that. I got to the top and started running again and then it happened. Many of those people that had run up the hill started coming back to me and I FELT GREAT!! I felt like I had just started running. I upped my effort a little for the second mile, but not too much as it is rolling but a little uphill. Mile 2 came and went and now it was time to up the effort even more.

I was getting passed by guys but no women. I was the one passing other women today. My form felt relaxed and I was picking up my feet, no shuffling yet. My tunes just kept me jamming along and before I knew it the big hill I normally run up was in my sights. I went down it quickly but safely, EE caught me and went careening down it a little wrecklessly with his hands flailing in the air trying to slow himself down and overcorrect for taking the first turn too wide.

I grabbed some water at the aid station and worked my way up to Squire's Castle and could feel my right calf turning to what felt like cement. Oh No!! I had less than a mile and I was running out of gas. My legs had covered 10 miles today and had, had enough. Blah! It had been awhile since my mental self had pulled out a can of whoop ass on my physical self and with a 5+ minute PR looming within my grasp, I let the beating commence. I mentally told myself to keep at it and to not back down (I used a lot of obscenities at this point) and I thought e-speed may be somewhere up ahead to drag me along, ensuring my inability to back down. Lo' and behold a little after mile 4 there she was. I let her pull and push me along, trying to give it a little gas on the downhills. She was talking to me, but I couldn't hear a thing. It didn't matter I was glad to have some human lightning at my side. She pulled off right before I exited the woods and I gave her a thumbs-up as I pulled away from her.

There was a girl about 200 meters ahead and I was able to close the gap a little, but the legs were so tired and for the first time in a long time I ran with everything I had through the grass, cursing in my head the whole way. I felt slower than ever and there seemed to be a hundred cones between me and the damn STOP line. I told myself somewhere deep in that pansy ass was one more gear and I could go faster. I did and it got me to the line. I staggered through. Spit on the ground and thought "Hell Yeah!!" I finally completed this race successfully. My time was still weak, but I finally knew I had defeated my Eleanor. I had beaten the course today. It had hurt me, but I had run it as planned.

Splits via my Garmin: (I even tried to cut the corners and run the tangents and still ran over 5 miles!!)
Mile 1: 9:37
Mile 2: 8:29
Mile 3: 8:11
Mile 4: 7:59
Mile 5: 8:05
189 ft. 0:16

Total Time: 42:39, Pace 8:19 (I like what my Garmin says much better)

OFFICIAL TIME: 42:37, Pace 8:42 (6 min 4 second PR)

I am a very weak trail runner as you can see. I just don't have overalll good general strength to handle that type of terrain, but I am committing myself to run trails more often and learn. I may never be a mountain goat, but here goes nothing. I got you now Eleanor!!!!

Fairport Triathlon 2011

2011-08-11T07:26:00.000-07:00

Sheesh!! It's been such a whirlwind the last 3 weeks I just published some comments from my June race.

Anyway, after doing the Crossfit Triathlon, I was re-inspired to swim, bike, run and whip myself into shape to have a better than average race at Fairport!! I paid my $20 early in hopes it would force me to train, but alas I swam zero times between the 2 races and got out on my bike 2 times the week before the race. I did however manage to pick up some OT in the weeks leading up to the race and even hit 52 hours one week (so now I am richer and lazy).

I waivered on doing the race until e-speed stopped by and said she was coming to cheer with NC and daisy, and then A-train reminded me it was KP's annual birthday celebration after the race too. It wasn't too hard to convince me to go.

Packet pick-up was a little slow (like usual), but for $20 really who can bitch? I had gotten there early and had plenty of time to prepare.

Me and Twizzle before the swim

The race brings about 300-400 particpants, so the 35 and under women's wave always has a decent sized group. I actually positioned myself pretty well throughout the swim. I spent most of it swimming side by side with a girl that had no wetsuit on. It felt like it took a lot longer than it should have to get out to the turnaround buoy and of course, I was gasping for air every time my right arm came out of the water. There were lots of pokey men in the waves ahead of us we had to swim over and around. I took no mercy clobbering them on my left and right, just as they have done to me in races -- hehehehe!! Swam to shore until my hand scraped the ground (since I can't dophin for jack), jumped up and ran for transition. I heard my friends cheering for me as I ran by, kicking sand all over my suit. Thankfully, they have people with hoses spraying you off as you run to T1. I looked at my watch and it was a little over 10 minutes when I go to the hoses (good but never good enough -- seems I have one speed in the water, whether I train or not).

T1 takes forever to run in, change and run out of. It was fairly smooth, except for the fact that I had left my race belt clipped and decided to wear it on the bike for some reason. As I ran out of T1, I tried to awkwardly put it on and steer my bike, but no dice. I had to stop at the mount like and do it. T1 was probably around 2:00, but it's added into the swim time, so no exact time for sure. (Swim and T1 were 12:30, per results -- I think). The thing is I was the fastest swimmer in my age group and probably in the top 10 women. I'm guessing there weren't a lot of strong female swimmers at this event.

The bike course was the same as usual on the way out flat and fast with a tailwind and only minimal turns. The tailwind was not as strong as in past years, which meant the headwind wouldn't be as bad on the way back either (YIPEE). I figured there were 10 or 15 girls tops in front of me. I was about 3 miles in when I started to feel tired. I hit the wall and was overcome with this urge to stop and lay down in the grass. I kept going trying to shake it off, but then a girl on a cervelo passed me and I knew I was in trouble. I tried to get amped and go after her, but I had nothing. I was out of shape and weak. My endurance was lacking (I was slow). A few miles later I caught up to a girl and realized it was MJ. She looked really strong. I asked her if she was running too and she said "no" she was doing the relay and someone else was running (she had been one of the women that had beaten me out of the water sans wetsuit). She pushed me to ride harder on the bike and I took the lead when the turns on the course increased. I noticed a guy drafing off her when I looked back and thought that was pretty shitty, but once we got back out on to Fairport-Nursery Road, MJ dropped that guy and caught me and then blew by me in the headwind. I tried to duck down as low as I could on my aero bars, but she just rode away from me like nothing. Thankfully that guy was even worse off than me and couldn't catch me to draft off of.

Me and MJ after the race

I came down the hill to the T2 and volunteers were screaming at us to slow down. I didn't really listen, whoops! I had no time to soft pedal and get my feet out of my shoes, so I did something really stupid. I unclipped on the right side, swung my leg over to the left and stayed clipped in on the left side with my bike moving and then it dawned on me!! I was stilled clipped in and going to try a flying dismount. Oh my God!! My foot was still locked in the pedal and I was going to crash. I thought about grabbing the brakes and stopping and then dismounting, but my weight was all on the left side and I would fall for sure. I did what I had to do. I sent up a very silent, but huge prayer to God "Please let me make this dismount without crashing. Please God protect this idiot!!" I cracked my left foot at the last second before I hit the dismount line and the curb in hope my left shoe would release from the pedal. It did!! It worked. My feet were on the ground and I was running for T2. YES!!! YES!! YES!! I ran in ditched the bike and was off like a prom dress. My bike split and T2 were 39:20. I remember my total time was about 52 minutes at that point by my watch.

I started passing people right away and that was pretty much the way my whole run went. I told every person, "good job" or "keep going." One guy said I was "running great" and wanted to know my secret. I told him "I'm trying to hurry and get this thing over with." In years passed I have always had one woman pass me through the condo/apartment complex at about the half way point. I swore it wouldn't happen this year and I started running harder, but it happened anyway. NH passed me from the Erie Tri Club (Damn!!!). I tried to keep the gap as small as possible and surged on and off from there to the finish. As I turned to run through the grass I picked it up to a hard effort, in hopes no one would try to challenge me at the line (I really didn't want to sprint, but I would have if need be). No one did and I finished in 1:13:54. The run was about 2.8 and I did it in 21:59.

Me running to the finish (that's about as fast as I get these days)

The race itself was fun, but I am losing to people I used to beat and that is a hard pill for my ego to swallow. I am killing myself in these races and I'm slower. I just can't come up with a training schedule with my ever changing and time-sucking work schedule (heck, I can't even find time to type up a race report hardly). I like racing, but my ego is definitely getting a little banged up in the process.

Crossfit Triathlon

2011-06-27T19:10:00.000-07:00

I had never done this race before and I was very hesitant to sign up for it this year having only swam one time about a month or 2 ago in a swimming pool with e-speed, but I thought it's only 400 yards, how bad could it be, right? It was also A-Train's 41st birthday and some of his training buddies would be there and even my parents were going to come down to watch. It was a done deal, I had to race (or try).

We arrived in plenty of time and I actually got to rack on the end for once. I hoped it was a good sign. I realized I had not packed a gel while I was setting up, but wasn't too worried. It was only a sprint. I rummaged around in my packet and to my delight found a complimentary one! I successfully taped it to my top tube on my bike and thought - SCORE! Then my first bad sign of the morning occurred. A girl was asking me about where to rack her bike (the racks were clearly marked) and as I looked up to answer her I saw it was "pink shirt" from this race. Oh crap!! Not her again. She started to put her gear by me on the rack and I told her she could go to any of the four around me and there was even an end spot open on a different one. Lucky for me that idea appealed to her way more than racking by me and she headed over there - whew!

The women 34 and under were to go off at 7:06am in the first wave. Usually, the women all go off in one wave (and last for that matter), but surprisingly this race drew quite a decent size of women participants and we had two waves with mine going first! This I knew was going to be weird. There were 6 minutes between waves and although BH had once told me how he had swam over a ton of slow old ladies and "clobbered them," I wasn't worried.

I lined up more on the outside and toward the front for the swim, not wanting to get trapped between the lane line and swimmers, course being near the outside would have it's own challenges I would find out. It felt so weird standing in the water about to race. It seemed like another lifetime ago when I had raced a triathlon. I was nervous and praying by some miracle of God I would make it out of the water and be able to put in at least an average performance. The horn sounded and arms were a flying!! There was more body contact than I am used to on the way out, my arms hitting others and vice a versa, a couple women swimming on my ankles and legs. I felt my heart rate going up and up and before long I was gasping for air. Swimming on the outside allowed me to see the lane line and sight easily, but it put a lot of girls between me and the ropes and more times then not I had to hold my line and take an arm to the body to keep them from pushing me wide of my line. My arms and back were on fire even before I made it to the turn around. I had a little trouble getting under the lane line and practically clothes lined myself trying to dive under it at the same instance some girl grabbed it and lifted it up. I was completely anaerobic, just trying to hang onto the pace and relax. I found some feet and hung on them for part of the way back. I had a much clearer path, but then there was another lane line and I was a little confused as to where to exit. This time however, I successfully cleared it without mishap.

(My dad got a good laugh out of the stupid look on my face)

I hit the beach and felt how much the swim had taken out of me. My arms felt like dead weight and as I ran for transitioin, I reminded myself "this is fun and it's only going to hurt more - weeeeeee!!!" I had put my chip on outside my wetsuit and I struggled to get it off (rookie mistake #1). I ended up sitting down and wrestling with my right leg for what seemed like two minutes. Finally, with one quick burst of strength and my dead arms I got the thing off. I pulled on my bike helmet and realized my hari bun was too high on my head and my helmet was choking me a little (rookie mistake #2) I tried my best to re-adjust it, but I had to go. I had already wasted too much time trying to get my wetsuit off (tick-tock, tick-tock).

I sprinted for the transition exit and noticed my legs felt okay (surprisingly). I figured there were about 15 girls ahead of me. We climbed up out of the park and I was immediately able to pass 4-5 of them in the first 400 meters.

The bike course was 2 loops of rollers with right turns. The climb up route 91 at the end of each loop was the most challenging part of the course. I noticed a weird sensation on my back end when braking and noticed when I was in my easiest gear I was working really hard. My legs felt the same as always, but I didn't seem to have any power. I assumed the swim had just killed my body from top to bottom. I decided to ignore my computer and just go with it. What other choice did I have? (Later, KP and A-Train were working on my bike and noticed my brake was rubbing (every time I don't check it before the race, it seems to happen!! DARN IT!!! rookie mistake #3). I got another 4 or so girls on the first loop and after that couldn't tell anymore with other waves merging. I rode alone for most of the race. No girls passed me on the bike, but as I re-entered the park one girl had caught up to me. I started ripping my feet out of my shoes and soft pedaling on the downhill a few hundred meters from transition. I jumped off my bike and after not doing it for nearly 2 years managed to successfully complete a flying dismount - WOOT!! I was on the ground and running when my pedal flipped and my shoe dragged and went flying as I was running. "Shit!!" I said. I went back for it, even though I wouldn't have gotten a penalty for abandonment of gear as this was not USAT race. A volunteer tossed it to me and I ran back and grabbed my bike where I had leaned it against the transition tent, but the nose of my seat go stuck on the tent pole and I wrestled with it trying to get the bike lose without taking out the entire tent. Arrrgggghhhhh!!!! Come On!!!! It was only a matter of seconds, but in triathlon, it always feels like forever.

I finally racked my bike changed my shoes and blew out of T2 (Some people's forte is the bike or the swim or even the run, mine is unfortunately transition, even when it's bad, it is usually faster than most. Too bad it doesn't buy me a lot of time back).

I saw my mom and the Bails and I waved and yelled "Hi Buddy!!" That was a mistake, apparently he became super excited to see me and wanted to run too. He spent the latter part of the race trying to drag my mother on to the course for her own unsanctioned 5k. I grabbed some water and gatorade at the turnaround table and headed out for my first loop. I saw my dad taking pics and cheering for me right after that. I was breathing really hard and blubbering and wheezing from the get-go, but my legs felt way better than normal. The run was thankfully shaded most of the way and flat too boot. I was alone and it was dead quiet. At about 0.5 miles in there is a little turn around area near the main gates and I saw a girl less than a minute behind me. Yikes!!! Her stride looked fresh and strong. I was holding steady, but knew if my breathing got worse or my legs got tired I was D-O-N-E. I yelled at her "Good job!! You look great!!!" She yelled "Thanks, you too!!"

Around one mile we hit the only climb on the course and I saw A-train coming into the park off the bike. I knew he had put up some insane bike time as soon as I saw him. I worked my way up the hill. I had no idea how many girls were in front of me. I saw nobody. BM passed me as he entered on his bike and yelled some encouragement. He too had had a good bike. As I was working the downhill, a young man blew by me like I was standing still. Without thinking I just said "Holy Shit!" as he passed me. The kid never slowed and later I would come to learn it was DJ, a former Perry HS cross country runner. We had taken him with us to Footlocker Nationals a few years ago in Wisconsin, now I experienced first hand why!!!

As I started the second loop I was still holding off that girl, but not wanting to look back I forced myself to run hard every few cones, trying to gap her and let her think it was impossible to catch me. At the turn-around she was still about the same distance away. My dad had yelled at me that A-Train was only about a quarter mile ahead and I could catch him (haha, funny!!). I had a little less than a mile to go to hold her off, but then out of the blue a female KG also a recent graduate HS cross country runner, went by me. I was in shock. She would go on to finish in 18:00 with one of the top 5 runs out of the women and men!! At the hill I finally started to tire and it took a lot more energy to climb it the second time. Over the top and heading for home I tried to open up my stride until I hit the grass and then I just cruised on in, prepared to kill myself if someone tried to sprint me down at the line (thankfully, that didn't happen). I crossed the line in 1:10:xx. Again, opted not to do splits and just go with it, just glad it was over and I had survived.

(I was waving my arms saying "Thank God that's over!")

It wasn't even close to my best performance ever, but I had put out a lot of effort (all that I had as a matter of fact), just to finish where I had. The stupid mistakes definitely needed fixing, but because it was A-Train's birthday and my parents had come down (my mom had never seen me race a triathlon before), not to mention it was a beautiful day, how could I not be on cloud 9 about the day!!
--------- Edit-----------------------
Splits for the Race
Swim 400 meters: 7:07.7
T1: 1:34.1
Bike 12 miles: 37:16.8
T2: 0:39.5
Run: 23:32.7
Total: 1:10:10.9 (6:09.4 back from the leader and most of my time was lost to her on the bike)

Twinsburg Duathlon

2011-06-06T08:24:00.000-07:00

To summarize this race, it was pain and puking.

I had worked all nights the past week and by the time I finally got to sleep on Saturday afternoon, I was whipped. I woke up around 9pm, having missed the Captains game Saturday night, only to fall back asleep within a half hour and not stir again until 2:45am on Sunday. Having nothing better to do for a few hours I got up at 3am.

I left for the race a little after 6am, so I was there in plenty of time to set-up. It would be my first multisport race in nearly a year and only my 2nd since September 20th, 2009. It had been awhile. I loved the RD and whole heartedly supported North Coast Multisport by volunteering and racing any chance I got. I had just volunteered at the Tallmadge 5k for him on Memorial Day and just a week later I was about to compete in one of his duathlons. (I hate duathlons by the way. I would rather do an entire marathon).
I saw my buddy MK and we ran a short warm-up before the race meeting. I feared she was going to completely kick my a$$, along with a few of my Snake Bite teammates.

The race was a 2 mile run, 10 mile bike and 2 mile run. It started out downhill and in the sun. I had a side-stitch almost immediately and like a baby ended up kinda spitting-up/vomiting on myself before mile 1. The course wound around my old high school and then up into the woods and into the shade, except it was uphill. I could see a lot of familiar faces pulling away from me. I looked at my watch and saw I could make it in 15 mins if I pushed. I made it to transition in 15:03.

There were no mats exiting the bike to transition or re-entering so our bike times would include T1 and T2. If one multisport skilled of mine has remained with me, it was my ability to transition quickly. I definitely made up time on a few chicks that were at least 20 seconds ahead of me on the first run.

As we exited the parking lot we headed into Twinsurg. The first few miles of the course we climbed up out of the town. It was a little congested throughout the first few miles. There was some inadvertent blocking and definitely one chick, "pink shirt" drafting. I was so proud of myself when I caught her trying to hang on my wheel that I only yelled at her "you can't draft!" without dropping one "F" bomb at the cheater. She would continue to hang back behind me on and off throughout the race drafting off another girl until we finally dropped her in the last 2 miles. One of my teammates "P" BLEW by me like I was on a stationary bike and ended up crushing the course and placing 2nd overall. My computer had been messed up on my bike for the last week, so the only true number I had was time (no cadence, speed, or distance available). My stomach was not getting any better and I puked again on the bike (seems to be the norm these days -- I did that a week ago trying to beat a storm home too). At about mile 6 there is a section that I knew could be bombed and I hit it hard, hoping to get back some time. We had to go through an intersection and as I passed a girl (who would later get a penalty for blocking), I yelled "On your left!!!" and she pulled LEFT!! I screamed again and she continued to stay on the left. I was debating pulling right, but feared she might figure it out at the last second and side swipe me into a crash, so I did what any bada$$ would do -- I broke the rules!! I pulled into the oncoming lane of traffic blew by her and rode outside the course cones for a minute (techinically I could be DQ'd, but the girl put me in an unsafe and unavoidable spot). As I cruised, she came back on me and passed me a mile or so later. She apologized and I told her it was ok. I wasn't mad. I didn't care, she wasn't doing it on purpose like "pink shirt" was who, had also come back on me riding the other girls wheel up to me.

Thankfully, we hit the climb on Glenwood right then and I watched the girl who passed me pull away from me as I shifted into my easiest gear and started spinning up it. "Pink shirt" was so close to my back wheel she said, "Aren't you wishing for a downhill now?" I was lit at that point!! I dropped it down 2 gears stood up and climbed away from her. I made it to the top and hammered it! I had had enough. I had already puked twice and was killing myself and NOT about to give another chick a free ride.

Back into transition. I racked my bike and for some reason felt compelled to straighten up my transition gear in a neat pile before leaving (I have no idea why), so I did. As, I ran out I asked the RD jokingly, "does my hair look okay?" He said "Yep, you look great!!"

I felt like poop, by this point. I was panting and gasping for air and my legs were like bricks. I wished so bad at this point it was a biathlon. I was slowing down....a lot. I could tell I was outta gas. There was a mom and her 2 kids ringing a cowbell directing runners about a 1/2 mile in and I thanked them and hi-fived them both (carry over from Boston, I guess). The hill the first time had been challenging, now it was just rough. I staggered up it and managed to pass a few people (all guys). The chick on the bike I had been battling with was also right there with me. I saw one guy doing the "pissed off, I can't do this, someone ruined my race walk." I yelled at him not to give up, but he didn't even look up or acknowledge me. Fine! Be pissed you got chicked, a lot.

With less than 3/4 of a mile one of my teammates, ND who I had passed on the bike came flying by me like she hadn't just run 2 miles or biked 10. I was totally impressed, but I had nothing and she literally ran away from me. Finally, with about a 1/4 mile to go I started pushing, but so did the chick I had been battling with since the bike. I started to make up ground on her, but just couldn't run her down and she finished a few seconds in front of me and man was I glad that was over --- whew!!

I had projected my finish time at 1:30:00 for imATHLETE, but managed to finish in 1:06:xx. I have not paid attention to my finishing time in a race for a long time now. I figured I was about 20th for the women and in the 50s overall. I had a lot of fun racing, but I was feeling a little rough and my tummy was not happy with me.

USAT results finely came out after a few penalties were issued. I was happy to see a lot of the people blocking and drafting got caught. A-Train raced super well and was in 6th place when I saw him, but unfortunately, the official drove by him at some point and gave him a drafting penalty. He did so well and was extremely upset, the official would ever think that of him. He hates cheaters as much as I do and he ended up 11th overall with a 2:00 minute penalty. He is still bummed now, but his spirits seem a little better. He had the 3rd fastest bike split on the day (including his T1 and T2 times).

Overall, I felt a lot of mediocrity about my race performance. My training just hasn't been the same since before starting nursing school and I thought I would be able to get it back, but I am definitely struggling to get in the training and to accept the fact that this just might be all I got now. Kind of stinks after finally having my breakthrough year in triathlon in '09, only to take a year off for school and now just not being able to get it back for whatever reason.

I came home took a shower, took some Excedrin and drank a beer. I felt like I had a bad hangover. It was sad but true, after starting an exciting sunny day at 3:00am, I spent a large part of the remainder of my day laying in my bed, in the dark fighting a headache and a nauseated stomach. It was still a great day and the funnest of the 3 duathlons I've ever done.

Oh and to boot, there were 4 girls from SBR racing and we all placed in the top 10, and not one of us drafted, blocked or cheated. It makes me proud to know that I am on a team in which the members race their butts off, but do it clean and still kill it!!

Mad At The World

2011-05-26T13:43:00.000-07:00

Sometimes being an oncology nurse sucks -- a lot!

When I first started on my floor a few moths ago, one of my first patients was a young man (a baby in my eyes, significantly younger than me who was definitely in my opinion, just starting out in life) who had a wife and a 17 month old baby. I had had patients near my age before, but never this young. As the weeks went by I got to know him, his wife, his parents, his in-laws and his siblings. They became part of our unit almost. They slept on floors, cots, chairs, anything they could find to just get a few more moments with him. He had beaten cancer once at 19, but it had come back and it was moving faster than I had ever seen cancer move before. He spent a month with us, before I discharged him the week before Easter and told him "I hoped I'd never see him again."

He came back in less than a week to my dismay and he was worse than ever. The doctors told him it looked bad and they didn't think he could handle another round of chemo, unless things changed. I watched him fade away before my eyes, until God finally took him earlier this week. It was a blessing. He had held on for so long, fighting for his family and for the long life he should have had, but he couldn't do it any longer and with just a few gasps for air he passed and was gone.

I had a wave of nausea pass over me and I almost broke down in the medication room, but I managed to close my eyes and take a few deep breathes. I reminded myself "I had to keep going." I had patients to take care of. I was calm on the outside but a turmoil of emotions on the inside as I tended to my patients and helped the family through the aftermath, as best I could.

The night took forever and when daylight crept through the hospital windows signaling my shift was nearly over, I felt so relieved. I had to get the hell out of there. I stopped at the store at 8:30-9:00am and bought a six-pack of beer, under the circumstances beer for breakfast seemed the way to go. I made it through one before I fell asleep exhausted.

I woke up angry that a child so young had to grow up without knowing what an amazing father he had, a man who apologized to his mother about a week before he passed saying "I'm sorry, I didn't do more mom."

I couldn't email anybody or call them that day. I hid from the world. I wasn't up for talking or sharing. I never am when things like this happen. My anger was of course, full throttle, not that he died when he did, but that it had to happen to him at all. I spent most of my time wondering what the hell God was thinking and what more I could have done to help him.

I finally, dragged myself out of my hole on Tuesday to go to the track, not to do the workout, but to go back and face the world. Seeing my friends was really nice, a few knew something was wrong almost right away and when I told them they hugged me and told me they were sorry. It was a short conversation, without a lot of dwelling or details. I couldn't deal with a heart to heart, but just the short talk took a load off. I ran absolutely terrible. I was too hot, I couldn't breathe, I felt sluggish and completely blew the workout. All those awful feelings though meant I was still alive.

Even in the moments of road rage, the crappy track workouts, the pain in my feet, the cotton mouth, the tears and the unimaginable sorrow that accompanies loss I'm not dead and I still have a lot to do with my life yet.

Boston Marathon 2011

2011-05-20T18:46:00.000-07:00

I put the year in the title because I do plan on going back again and crushing the course next time. As for this Boston, I did indeed toe the line and finish it

My roomies convinced me to at least get out of bed and go to the starting line and see how I felt. We said good-bye to e-speed and wished her luck as we headed for the buses (she got the elite treatment -- we were just average citizens). The walk to the bus was maybe a mile and all windy as hell! JP and I did everything we could to keep JU and BB in sight as we had no idea where we were going. We got there just in time as the lines went from manageable to HUGE in less than 5 minutes.

The bus ride seemed to take forever and JU and BB were kind enough to ask me "Can you believe how long this is and we have to run all the way back?" That comment didn't do much to make me feel better, but everybody else got a good laugh out of teasing me. I texted e-speed one last time to wish her luck and go after her OTQ (I think I wanted this almost as bad as she did -- haha). JP had hydrated like she was some kind of camel and threatened to pee on me the whole ride as her bladder just would not cooperate (thankfully, I did not get peed on and she made it to a porta-john.

We were able to hang out at the church for a few hours and stay warm and avoid the wind. I was not happy. I barely spoke to my mom when she called to wish me luck. I felt like crap and had let myself slide into a funk. Not wanting to spread my joy, I mean lackthereof I laid down on the floor of the church, turned on my IPOD and slept. I was just tired and not psyched at all for this. I got in a about a 15-20 minute nap, before we returned to the buses to drop our bags and get ready for THE BOSTON MARATHON!

I was able to catch the wheelchair and the elite women's start since I was way the hell back there. I even got to see the elite men and some of the SERC peeps go off in wave one before I had to get into my corral for wave two. I had to walk back over a hill and down a ways to the seventh corral and I hesitated to go near the front because I had been told people have peed in the corrals and I would have lost it if someone had peed on me like I was some kind of tree to a dog!!

There was a lot of hype and everybody, the fans, the runners, the commentators were all jazzed up and you could just tell EVERYBODY was excited. I saw a friend AC in the corral with me and we walked up the hill to the gate. I pitched my throw away shirt, but kept my arm warmers on. We crested the hill and there it was the starting banner, TV cameras, crazy cheering fans and just like that I crossed the starting line.

It was just like my friends had said. A sea of runners as far as I could see and in that moment I forgot I was sick and just let the weather, the race, the whole day of awesomeness wash over me. I trotted along just trying to take it in and relax. My chest was a little tight and I felt like I was being really conservative and still hear 8:30-8:40's for the first 2 miles. WOW! This mother of a course really is fast. I saw the biker bar with tons of bikers screaming and drinking as we ran by ... I loved it and yelled "THANK YOU!!" They just screamed back louder. There were little kids everywhere from the get-go looking for hi-fives and I was running down the left side thinking, if it wasn't my day I was gonna help make it someone else's. I must have hi-fived 5-15 kids each mile, some were counting "85, 86" as we went by. It was really cute. Istripped my arm warmers by mile 2 and realized it was going to be a really hot run for me. I began hydrating at every aid station, even grabbing an extra cup of water to pour down my arms, to keep them cool.

As we entered Ashland, people were out on the street, set-up like they were watching a parade. Some people were even on roof tops cheering. I crossed the first 5k marker and thought "I bet my mom will be so relieved to see my first split that means I am actually running." I figured she would be sitting at home praying I would start and survive the race.

I worked my way to Framingham and had thoughts of my undergrad days at the University of Akron, when it seemed like every other week we were discussing the Framingham Heart Study in one class or another for exercise physiology. The course was so fast as I easily continued on my 8:30-8:45 trot. Lots of people had their names on their clothes and people would scream for them "Go Karen!!" "Go John!!" and then Karen and John would wave a thank you, never knowing the insta-fan. I talked to a few people along the way "Which marathon was this? Is this your first time at Boston? Are you going for a PR? Good luck!" was the exchange. I continued to be enamored by the course and the fans. My chest still felt a little tight, but no diseaseness or nausea. My knees and ankles were a little achy, but completely manageable -- SCORE!!

The quietest spot on the course was probably around Lake Cochituate, but the landscape was beautiful and if I was dead, this could be my heaven. It reminded me of Wisconsin, of my home as a child. It was around this time that my chest finally let go and I could breathe a little easier.

I rolled into Natick where the biggest crowds of fans were thus far! There was an a singing Elvis impersonator on stage singing his heart out as we ran through. I don't even remember what he was playing, but I do wish I had had my camera to take a pic. I continued to hydrate and pour water on myself, pretty wet already.

By this time, I was pretty hot and the aid stations weren't close enough together to keep my arms and back cool. I was drying and fast. I could tell I was going to have a nice sunburn too, especially on the right side of my body.

It was shortly after this I started to hear the screams. They were high-pitched and shrill-like. I knew what was next, either I was about to meet my first set of Banshees, or Wellsley college was just ahead. It was paved black-top and it got just a tad hotter as we came upon hundreds, hundreds of crazy screaming girls holding signs that said "KISS ME, I'M _____ "(fill in the blank, from Wisconsin, Irish, don't wear underwear, you name it). I was still on the left and the girls were all on the right but I definitely saw a lot of men stopping to offer smooches to the girls.

It was shortly after this that I crossed the half point and ran under a big banner with a photographer on top and figured, I might as well try and make the most of my photo ops. Here is my half photo (You can see the big bruise on my right thigh still from my crash -- unfortunately).

It was probably at this point where I slowed the most in this race. I just kinda got lulled by the magic that is Boston and I started to see people cramping and hurting -- already! I knew the hills started at 16 and even sick I refused to let those things slowed me down, even further. I kept telling myself "easy to the hills, easy."

Then the most awesome part of my race happened (and I almost missed it). I was running along on sensory overload and then I saw it to the right of me!! I had missed them at the expo and been kicking myself figuratively for it when there they were. It was TEAM HOYT!!!

I immediately cut across the road and ran right up to Rick and Dick Hoyt and as I was crying started cheering for them and said "You guys are freakin' amazing!!" Dick was walking this year, not sure if it was because he was feeling ill or because he is freakin' 70!! I continued on blubbering and crying for a bit completely inspired and in awe of what I had just witnessed. Thank God, I had my sunglasses on to hide my teary eyes.

The hills started shortly after this and I was ready. I took a gel and was slowly getting my game face on, better late than never. I took the hills through 18 at an easy effort. There was one that was fairly steep that made me wonder, "what the heck was heartbreak like? This one was pretty good!"

Around 18, I heard some silly "Let's get it" or "Let's Go" song and thought, "even if I blow up now it's only 8 miles to the finish."

It was on!!!

I watched people walking and stopping all around me. It was carnage. I could tell I was moving faster than most around me because I could see a few others zig-zagging through like myself and I earned my nickname for the race at that time. People started screaming "Go green socks!!!!" as I pushed forward. I loved the hills. My quads were a little tired, but never had my legs felt this great after 18, even in a training run.

Near mile 20, I passed an unsolicited beer station and the fans were cheering and trying to get runners to chug a beer. I ran by smiling thinking about how I had wanted to do that in Philly and then it hit me. I wasn't running for time. I had nothing to lose. I turned around and ran back down the incline/hill and said...

"All right, what the hell, give me the beer. I will do it!!
You would think I scored a touchdown. They errupted in cheers, screaming "Whooo Hooo!!" and "Hell YEAH!!"
Somebody gave me a dixie cup of beer and I downed it. It was amazing! Usually, my stomach goes south by this time in a race, but man that beer was good!! I hollered "Thank you!!" and was on my way.

I started up a long incline and before I knew it was nearly at the top, when I saw all these signs that said "Kill This Hill" and "Don't let Heartbreak, Break You!!"

WHAT!!?!?!? That was Heartbreak -- it wasn't a hill it was an incline!! I whomped on it like a champ. I crested my last Boston marathon hill and headed for home, the finish. I was pumped. I had survived the course and run the hills well. I was home free.

Around 22 my quads started to feel a twinge of pain and weariness. I was still moving better than most, but a quad seizing cramp was not how I planned to end my race. Instead of opening it full throttle to make up time. I played it cautious and maintained my effort, trying to keep my feet low to the ground on the downhills.

The crowds were insane at this point and the Boston College boys were partying like rockstars. I even saw one fall over the railing onto the street. I heard the police constantly yelling "Get Back!! Get Back!!" trying to keep the street clear for runners. Someone from the crowd even grabbed my left arm and almost whipped me back on my ass as I ran by. I moved toward the middle of the street after that.

The crowds wasn't even screaming at this point. It was a constant roar. I ran down Beacon Street, my feet starting to burn, but my excitement building as I knew I was so close, so close to finishing my first Boston!! We had run the last mile or two the day before and I knew it was a long straight-a-way, then a right and a final left would take me to the big blue banner.

I hit the Citgo sign and knew it was just a mile now. I started opening up my stride, not caring what happened. I knew the course couldn't stop me at this point. This marathon was less than 9:00 minutes from done.

The course turned onto Hereford and pushed, made my last left and there it was!! I ran hard for the line, but for the first time ever in a marathon, I looked around at the finish. I waved. I took it all in!! I threw up my fist and played to the crowd -- they cheered right back. I passed a young male limping to the finish with his 2 buddies running by his side in flip-flops. I ran by and yelled "Keep going!! Bring him home guys!!"

So many things went through my head in the last 1/2 mile. This was it!! This was what you had promised you would do in 2007. This is what you had worked and fought so hard for at Cleveland in "08 and Philly in '08, then getting hurt and having to re-qualify and finally being sick. This was my Boston.

I had done it!! I crossed the finish in 3:51:40.

Not my fastest marathon, but definitely the funnest. I missed negative splitting the damn thing by 0:36 seconds. My mom thinks, going back for the beer cost me...

It was worth it! I can't wait to do it again.

The Graveyard Shift and Sleeping Spells

2011-05-19T10:03:00.000-07:00

My orientation for work was over about a week or two ago as my re-assessment went into the green --- duh!! I know how to memorize answers and type it on a computer screen, if given the chance to study. Believe me if you come in with fevers after chemotherapy, you can bet your a$$, I am gonna poke you with a needle (even you e-speed, not a big one though), draw some blood cultures, give you an IV and anticipate the doctor wants you on vancomycin and zosyn for the infection and tylenol for the fever, and then if you start pooping all over on me I'm gonna grab a poop sample too -- So look out and don't get sick or I'll be coming for you :)

Anyway, my orientation was thankfully extended another few weeks, because I somehow managed to avoid the graveyard shift and floating over to bone marrow transplant and leukemia to work. BMT scares the crap out of me because those people have absolutely no white blood cells to fight infection and even family members can't kiss or hug them when they are in!! Just sneezing on them could kill them. I went up there for a few hours this past weekend and then they stuck me on nights all week this week and next week.

Nights shift is 7p-7:30a. It has it's benefits. There a less orders going in and the patients usually go to sleep, so you just have to assess them and pass meds until about 10:00p then you can chart and read up on the notes to better understand each case. There are a few that wake up in pain and need meds or have round the clock antibiotics, but it is definitely more my speed and I make more money working night shift, simply because it's night shift. The only down side is I can't sleep! I tried to stay up late on Sunday, but was out like a light before midnight. I woke up at 8:00am on Monday and had some breakfast and then went back to bed until a little before noon. The first night was fine for me. I got home around 10:00a on Tuesday and was only able to sleep from 11am-2p. I ate something and read a book until 4p and was able to sleep for another hour. I had to shower at 5p and head to work and knew it was going to be ugly by 7:30a the next morning. The shift went fairly smooth. I picked up two patients at 11:30p, which I hate because they are already alseep and I have to wake them up to assess them unfortunatley or wait until early morning when lab comes around and cluster the care. It can put me behind on my charting then and if something goes wrong I haven't assessed them and pin-pointing the problem becomes more difficult, so waking them up it is.

I left around 8:15am, report took forever and before I was even half way home I could feel myself dozing off. I called my dad and tried to call to him, but my hand was shaking as I held the phone. Finally, I pulled into the JCC on S. Woodland. I was about half way home and I knew it was too risky. I pulled into a spot in the back, grabbed my Indians blanket and slept in my truck for an hour and a half, before some landscaper's mower hit my truck with some rocks and woke me up. I drove home and went straight to bed around 11am and didn't wake up until 7:30pm. I managed to eat something and stay awake until 9:30pm before going back to bed and not moving until 10:00am this morning.

I have to do it all over again this Saturday and Sunday, so I really have to get a game plan together. I can't be driving home in rush hour traffic dead to the world, only to sleep for an entire day after! I'm thinking until I figure this sleeping in the day time thing out (from 9am-5pm) I am going to have to take some sleeping pills to help me. I can't afford to be unsafe at work or in my car. Maybe I will be crashing at the A-train hotel more often than even he knows (also, feel free to leave a comment for him that he owes a post regarding his race at Taylorsville, if you have time!!)

Cleveland 10k

2011-05-16T12:27:00.000-07:00

The last time I ran a 10k was 2008 when I had done the Jim Klett run, my PR was on that course of 49:21. It was a very soft PR, because I had run faster than that in half marathons and 10 milers in the 3 years between now and then. I wasn't sure if I would be able to get off work and with everything else at Cleveland sold-out I decided a nice hard 10k would be just the thing.

My last few days of work going into the race had been exhausting with a particular patient breaking our hearts and fighting for his life. I needed a break and some stress relief.

The temp was perfect for me, but the air was a little humid at the start and I never run well with heat. I chatted with some friends at the CTC tent, opting not to run a warm-up or really do much of anything before the race. I wasn't too into the race itself, but I wanted to see my friends and Cleveland is kind of a tradition. The new start was extremely crowded and when the gun went off I was still standing in the grass chatting with MD and LM. When LM and I finally stepped off the curb to stat I asked her what she was going to run and maybe run with her, but she was estimating 9:30's and I knew I wanted to put out faster splits. I wished her luck and took off.

The first mile was uphill and extremely crowded. I should not have waited so long to get strarted, but the old me always started way in the back and I still fail to seed myself appropriately at times these days. I ran around a lot of people. Mile 1 was 7:50.

My goal was 7:30-7:40 pace. I just have not been where I was last winter-spring with my running and it has bummed me out, a little. I feel older and slower. The weight is harder to manage and the hours on my feet at work, have been knocking the wind out of my training sails by the time the weekends come around.

Mile 2 was flat as a pancake and I started thinking about my patient at work and wondering if he would ever feel the wind on his face as we headed east. It was a mild headwind and I just kept running and thinking about him. I continued to pass a lot of people and it was much easier as the street opened up. I was only a little uncomfortable and mile 2 ticked by in 7:23.

Mile 3 continued on the long straightaway. Hell, I am almost at work. I could just go up there and see what needs to be done for the day. Mile 3 7:41.

I had my mom's garmin on (I don't have one). I planned to run a few extra miles and help a friend out in the half and wanted to track my total mileage for the day, so it was beeping about a tenth before each mile marker, which was fine. I probably ran wide somewhere or the weaving between people caused it.

We turned left shortly after mile 3 and ran down a short side street and made another left back toward the finish. The wind was now at our backs and it was warmer than I liked coming back into the heart of Cleveland. I skipped the 2 water stops on the course as it was only 6.2 miles and I was on the left side of the road as per my usual race tactics. I only run in the middle if there is a strong headwind, otherwise I like my space. Mile 4 came and went in 7:43.

I was having a hard time keeping up the intensity of the run. I am not used to running uncomfortable for 6 miles. I am trying to increase my speed with track workouts and tempos these days, but it still hasn't taken hold. I was still able to pass a significant amount of people and that helped bolster my confidence. I counted three traffic lights ahead and tried to stay focused. Mile 5 also 7:43.

I wasn't looking at my watch, but I could tell I was starting to slouch and my arms were getting tighter, my feet were not coming off the ground as high and I was going into "hang on" mode. My body was getting tired and since my mind was already half out of it from the start I was starting to struggle. As we ran for the 6th mile marker one guy suggested we try and close this thing out with a 7 minute mile. It sounded like a great, but unrealistic plan. He pulled ahead and while 7:00 minutes seemed impossible, going a little faster didn't. I pushed a little harder trying to get to the next stop light and then the next. We made a right turn onto E. 9th where we would finally get some downhill payback for the uphill in the beginning. I didn't feel like I was runing it too well though. The only indiator I had was again that I was passsing people on it. Mile 6 7:35.

We made the final left turn to head Marginal (or whatever the hell the name of the road is in this section) and I picked it up, trying to pretend like I was running a 200 on the track in Solon. I could feel people coming up on me as we came off one final last soft right curve at which point I could finally see the clock and I gunned it. The least I could do was keep myself from getting run down at the line!

I closed at 48:10 with 6.34 miles on my garmin with a 7:36 pace, but at 6.2 miles it is 7:46 pace. Now here is the silly part of it all that kind of frustrates me. This was a PR for me and I know it is still soft, but a PR none-the-less however, Cleveland somehow messed up my time and gave me 49:49 which is 8:02 pace yesterday and then as of today I ran a 1:13:09 and was 2nd overall in the women's half. I wasn't going to even bother emailing them yesterday about the wrong 10k time, but after seeing the mess up in the half today I did send them an email regarding correction of my time. Who knows if they will get it right?

On the flip side a lot of my girlfriends competed yesterday and while some had rough races they still came off with PR's and outstanding performances. Salty got a PR! TriSaraTops struggled and fought her way through a full marathon, never giving up and hamming it up for all to see. CV for nearly besting her marathon PR with stomach issues, KZ finished her first marathon....EVER, GP did a half without training and E-speed was all over the course as a spectator and racer that day making sure we never gave up and did our best.

But without a doubt the greatest performance yesterday had to be my meatball NC, not only winning the marathon for the 2nd year in a row, but qualifying for the olympic trials in a phenomenal time of 2:43: 47!!

While, I am sitting here playing the last few days in my head, I realize it has been a teeter-totter of emotions. NC and all my friends reminded me that for all the heartbreak we go through with loss and failures, there are always moments of greatness out there, and even a few miracles sprinkled in along the way.

-------EDIT----------------------------------------
Just checked the results and the Cleveland marathon fixed them, so I got my 48:10 and a PR to boot! It's not significantly faster, but I will take it!!!

Boston Marathon 2011: Pre-Race

2011-05-01T13:26:00.000-07:00

Perhaps a little overdue, but here it is nevertheless. Working and driving to and from work along with sleeping has pretty much become my life as of late. I am befuddled as to how to get on a consistent training plan with continuous curve balls at work that delay my 12 hour shifts to 14's and my 8's to 10's.

Anyway, I worked my 45 hours the week before Boston and definitely felt run down by the end of the week with a little bit of a sore throat. I thought maybe I was a little dehydrated, but by Friday morning I was achy and my throat was worse. My sinuses felt a little clogged and I was exhausted. I talked to e-speed about even getting on the plane (didn't want to spend 4 days away from home with full blown flu and take the chance of making my roomies sick too!), but she easily persuaded me to at least come out and see how I would feel.

Each day after, I felt about the same crappy, crappy and crappy. I was torn between exploring the expo and all the awesome places Boston had to offer or just crawling into bed and trying to save all my strength for Monday. I convinced myself this was such a great opportunity and I made it out for some wonderful Boston moments.

I haven't been on a plane for probably five or six years and there is a reason...I hate flying. I hate heights and I always think the plane is going down! I had 2 super cool guys from Canton on my flight who had run Boston before and were telling me their stories. I was the first girl to arrive from our group and when I got to baggage claim, this was my first sign it was really going to happen -- I was going to get my shot at the Boston Marathon!!

The first night we hit up the hotel restaurant Connexions and I got to try a lobster roll and an Oatmeal Stout beer

The next morning we had our traditional SERC photo:

The Expo (where the famous BB found the last freakin' Boston 2011 jacket for me)

We had an awesome brunch in Cambridge where we met another future Boston marathoner, also a nurse (YAY!!)

The night before the race we had a killer dinner at Pappa Razzi's and on the way home we walked backwards through the finish. I was able to get one last look at that big blue banner

and the finish line I so desperately hoped I could get to tomorrow morning.

Lots of nice people in Boston offered to take pics of all the crazy runners and their friends, such as myself who wanted a kodak moment of their trip (this one was the night before the race)

We stopped off at the local supermarket near our hotel and I got more airborne (I had been drinking all of e-speed's), vitamin C pills and zinc in hopes by some miracle I would feel better by 10:30am tomorrow. I laid down dead tired and passed out within 5 minutes, hoping 5:15 am would not come for another 3 days, but by 4:30 am the anticipation of race morning had crept into our room and some of us just couldn't sleep, so we all got up. I felt about the same, crappy, my throat was still sore, my joints were achy, my sinuses felt a little clogged and I was still having chills on and off. I laid in bed watching everybody bustle about the room debating if I should even get out of bed, trying to find the right answer in my heart to run or not to run. I didn't want to bring anybody down or make them worry, but when your sick you don't do a marathon, you don't do a 26.2 mile training run, you just don't get out of bed, unless you absolutely have to!!

Ready Or Not

2011-04-15T12:57:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I am getting on a plane tomorrow for Boston. It's already here and I have a lot of reservations about this race and my performance. I have so many doubts about this race. I am fairly confident I will finish and under 4hrs (which sounds, so slow to me), but the idea of running a PR feels like a stretch.

When work started a little over a month ago, it really started to cut into my running and I struggled to get in the miles. I did get in three 20-milers in prep for Boston, but I feel extremely run down and sluggish right now. I worked about 46-47 hrs this week and the last two nights got home around 1-2 am. I ran 2 times last week and 2 this week. And then there was the crash...

Having not run at all until Saturday last week, I opted to go for a 25 mile bike ride on Sudnay with a short run after, but on my way back with only 2 miles to go I crashed. There was medium traffic through a construction area and as I tried to navigate through it a nice sized pothole presented itself in my path. I couldn't avoid it so I tried my best to bunny hop it, but I didn't get enough air and the tire just missed clearing the edge. I flipped over the front end with my feet locked into the pedals. I felt my right thigh slam into my aero bars and careened down the pavement on my right side. I laid there for a few seconds stunned and then I got up fearing a driver may have thought I had killed myself. I could tell I felt off, but the adrenaline and shock was minimizing most of the pain. I fixed my back brake and assessed the damage. It was rideable, so I headed home. My right elbow was jacked up and throbbing really bad. I was having a hard time straightening it and couldn't sit in the aero position at all. I arrived home without any further mishaps and went in the house to assess the damage.

I had some road rash down my right arm and on my left butt cheek, but my right leg took the brunt of the damage. I had a HUGE bruise on my right quad and a few small ones behind my leg, but the worst was my right shin. It was swollen and had a greenish-blue hue to it. I poured alcohol down my right arm and it felt like someone took a blow torch to it. As for the shin and thigh, I could only ice it and hope for the best. I have been pretty sore all week and when I run I feel pretty stiff, but it is doable, so I am hoping the discomfort will be minimal on Monday. I have been taking some naprosyn, but truth is I just really need some rest.

I almost slipped on the stairs and fell down them today too. I am usually not this clumsy, but perhaps I have an unseen dark cloud following me. I really hope it doesn't follow me to Boston and by some luck I can pull this off.

I went for a little "pep talk run" today and although I felt like absolute crap I berated myself a little for being so scared and such a wuss. I told myself "if you step up to the line, you better stop being such a cry baby and run like a motherf*cker or stay the F home." I am still going to run hard. It just might not reflect a PR. I am going to try, but I never know what I am gonna get until race day itself. The only thing I know is I will fight tooth and nail to the line, just like I do at every marathon.

The Truffle Shuffle

2011-04-03T18:33:00.000-07:00

For the last 5 years, I have been calling it running, but after Tuesday night's workout I have resolved to leave my river of denial. It's a shuffle. I admit I don't pick-up my feet as a runner should. I can tell I lack the strength and muscle memory especially in my hip flexors as my feet barely clear a few inches of the ground below me.

"What's that a knee drive you say? What the hell is that?"

Apparently, GA could see how awful it was and before he even explained the workout to everybody, he informed me that I would not be doing what everybody else would.

At first I was a little hurt. I knew I was the slowest (which I am used to), but I am steady and strong minded. I knew, even if I wasn't finishing first I would never-the-less do the workout to the best of my effort. He prescribed 5x1600 for the both groups (although it probably would have been ugly, I could have done it). Instead I felt like I got off easy and was given 12x200 with 200 recovery with instructions to "pick-up my feet, get up on your toes and drive the knees up." I didn't even have to run them hard. I just had to run them with good form. If I failed to use "good form" I would be dropped to 100s, running the straights and jogging the curves. Now, I am not certain if he really had a chance to watch my form a whole lot because he was so busy with 8 other runners, but I managed to complete them all between 44-47 seconds with about 1:05-1:15 recovery jogs.

I did not go all out, but I did go very hard trying to use my arms to drive me forward. I felt like I could possibly topple over and snap an ankle at any second since I was prohibited from using my big flat footed hobbit feet to fully absorb the shock except for the balls and toes.

After I finished, I was instructed to run a single 800 under 3:30. I tried to slow myself the first 200, but by the 400 meter mark I could tell I had blown myself up a bit, "oh well to late now" I thought as I started the second lap. I tried to focus on running the same form at a slower speed and cruising down the backside like Kara Goucher, but I am sure I looked more like an angry troll trotting along (I certainly had the spit and snot coming out of my nose and mouth). I forgot to split my watch from my last recovery 200 recovery, so when I crossed the line and it said 4:28, I only had to laugh when GA asked "what did you get?" I told him of the mishap and guessed I was probably somewhere in the 3:25-3:28 range.

Stupid track workouts!! Wait until I get the meatballs (NC and e-speed) and all the other fasties on the basketball court. I will look like a darned Globetrotter!!!!

Anyway, that's pretty much it for workouts before Boston. Now, I just need to rest-up. I definitely feel the 40+ hours of work on my feet and the 40-50 mpw. Maybe A will suck it up and give me a few leg massages and with the ART I can pull off a miracle in about two weeks. Either way, this chunk will certainly be enjoying some rocky road after the race!!!

Forced

2011-03-27T07:32:00.000-07:00

That is the theme as of late for me, force myself to get up, force myself to go run, force myself to fall asleep, but it's very exciting nevertheless to be out in the big bad nursing world.

I received my first paycheck -- finally, after not having any income since January 26th. It was a very welcome blessing.  I can't say how much it makes me happy to know that every two weeks I will get one of those puppies direct deposited into my account (heck yeah!!).

I finally, started with one of my two regular preceptors this week and I felt much more comfortable and a lot less lost. Medication administration makes me extremely nervous and it is taught to check the patient, dose, drug, route, time etc... three times before giving it to the patient. I check about seven. The idea of a medication error scares that crap out of me.  Last night, I worked a twelve (ended up a thirteen) and by the end of the night I was passing meds alone, no supervision or help. I felt so insecure about giving insulin subcutaneously and pushing dilaudid into IVs I would swing by the nursing station and have another nurse confirm the right dose for me. It's still my butt, if I give the wrong med and I can lose my license, so a million checks it is. I ended up with about two hours of OT this week, which will only make my next check a little fatter (Woot!!)

On the running front, I am struggling with motivational issues right now. I have had to force myself to go running as soon as I get home when I work an eight or I will just go into couch potato mode. Thursday, I got home a little after 4:30p, changed and head out for an hour and a half only to come home, do laundry, eat dinner and have about 45 minutes before I had to go back to bed (very exciting life). The days I work my twelves, I have yet to run. It baffles me how to find the time to get a run in thus far. I have yet to make it home on time and by the time I get home, I am freakin' exhausted. I've gotten up at 4:30am a few times in an attempt to go out before I leave, but I just end up seeing the low temps and saying to hell with that and doing some yoga and stretching or going back to bed for another 30 minutes. I had a good 11 mile run the other day with 5 miles at tempo pace, but I was really flat and felt horrible at the track Tuesday night.  The 'guestimated' paces for me were just too much and after only 1800 meters, I was suffering, by 2400, it was over and I ended up just jogging around the track for the remainder of the workout. It was a little disheartening, but not the end of the world. I haven't ran farther than 13.1 miles since the 1/2 marathon earlier in the month and with Boston only 3 weeks away, I really need to get in at least one more 18+ miler.

I am hoping I can force myself to go here in a little bit.

The First Day

2011-03-20T08:08:00.000-07:00

After nearly two full weeks of training and orientation I was finally scheduled to work on my unit. It was a 12 hour shift (7a-7:30p), so when I got up at 5:00 am, I knew by the time I got home around 8:30 pm I was gonna be wiped. It was so great to be back and see so many familiar faces. It was a whirlwind of a day and of course, problems arose all at once rather than consecutively. I spent a large part of the date observing IV drug administration and getting all my passwords set-up for the time clock, the computer, the pyxis machine (it's like a pop machine, but it dispenses drugs at no charge).

I had my first up close and personal experience with an Indiana pouch. I think those things are so cool! Patients that have an ostomy bag on the outside of their body that can smell and must be emptied often suffer from self-image issues, but this internal pouch is pretty sweet for those who need new bladders. The stoma itself just looked like a second belly button off to the left of my patient's abdomen. The patient said catheterizing himself at regular intervals was pretty painless too.

We've added tele to our floor since I was there as an undergrad and reading EKG's has become more common. I didn't care for them in my first undergrad and I still don't much enjoy counting the little boxes and trying not to go blind as I measure the PR interval or the QRS complex, but I am definitely better at it after spending two full eight hour days reviewing the material earlier in the week.

Anyway, I was sitting at the nurse's station with about 45 minutes left of my day when I heard this strange noise that kind of sounded familiar to me, but I couldn't place it. Out of the corner of my eye, around me, I saw a few nurses jump up quickly and call out a room number as they headed down the hall. It registered at that point what it was. "Oh sh*t!!" A code blue really? On my first freakin' day back, just when I was almost done!!!" I jumped up and hauled ass down the hall to the patient's room. It had been the tele monitor alarm indicating the patient's heart rythm was a flat line. I was thinking two things, man I am not ready for this and if I was going to be in on this code, I definitely wanted to do compressions or bag the guy. No way was I gonna put the central line in, if needed or push atropine, epinephrine, etc into said line.

Luckily, when I got to the room, it turned out the patient was trying to get up to go the bathroom and had pulled a wire. CHEESE AND RICE PEOPLE!!! I was relieved, no code today for me. I went back to my desk and prayed I would make it to 7:30 pm without any more codes or craziness. The full moon was Saturday, not today. I had a chance at normalcy and freedom still.

Exhausted at 7:45pm I dropped off my time sheet and headed for the elevators. I made it down to ground floor and had to get through the J building to get out by my car, but before I escaped I could see a couple looking a little confused. I knew they were lost and I debated stopping. I stopped. They were lost and I ended up taking a ten minute detour into another building and up the elevators to escort them to the appropriate floor. They told me their daughter was extremely sick and while I was exhausted, I wasn't sick and no one I loved was either. The extra few minutes it took to help them were well spent. I left them in the waiting room of the unit their daughter was being transferred into and headed back out. Finally, made it to my car a few minutes after 8:00 pm. I was ready to head home.

Day 1: DONE

Youngstown 1/2 Marathon Race Recap

2011-03-16T13:04:00.000-07:00

The course was either harder than I had imagined or I wasn't in as good of shape as I had hoped. I did not taper for this race, but I didn't run it as a training run either. The idea of paying money and not running the best I can, just seems silly to me. The idea was to re-enter the world of running/triathlon and guage my fitness level in hopes it would project a time for my upcoming marathon that would make me kind of happy.

It didn't quite go that way though. Ultimately, the course could have been 13.1 miles of uphill and I still would have been disappointed with my time (ridiculous, but true).

I had hoped to run as close to 1:45:00 as possible. I wore my watch as is standard for me with my less than reliable dinosaur Garmin 201. I didn't trust it to keep a signal through the park, the unit was being held on the band by electrical tape and after my wet 9 miler on Sunday, I couldn't even get it to turn on!! Not to worry though, there were mile markers and most other people had garmins (right?).

I started somewhere in the middle with Solar and JP, but they pulled away from me almost right away. I was running what I thought was 1/2 marathon effort for me and trying to get my focus on the "race" mindset. Everything seemed correct by my internal gauges (breathing, effort, stride frequency), but twenty minutes had gone by and I hadn't seen a mile marker yet. Some runners also sandbagged for over 1/2 the race and then hammered it or started off way too fast and with the hills position changes were occurring more than usual in a race of this size. Finally around 41:xx I saw a mile marker. I thought I would be relieved but it was number 4!!! It took me a split second to realize that was over a 10:00/mile. Frustration washed over me and I was angry. Angry, at the course, but mostly at myself for not running my goal pace (or anyhwere near it for that matter).

I spent a large part of the race trying to convince myself that the most important thing was to keep going and if this was Boston what would I do in the race, just give up on myself, slow down. -- No, I would keep going and that what I would do now. The topper to my race was the difficulty breathing throughout the race I was having. My airway felt narrow and I was wheezing on and off. I hadn't really had this problem since my iron levels had returned to normal, but today it was happening. I had been taking my iron pills regularlyl, so I was just dumbfounded as to the problem. I got to the race's 6th mile marker and my watch showed my split around 58:xx. I wasn't ignorant and accepting of the split, of course, but I had resolved not to let myself be swallowed by the negatives this race was pouring on me.

Somewhere, after that I saw the leaders coming back and was glad to see NC and e-speed running as the one and two females and in the top 10 overall. It was a nice distraction from my less than stellar performance. It occurred to me that maybe I was a little fuzzy as to what 5k, 1/2 marathon and marathon effort felt like after being away from racing for the last couple months. Perhaps, I had become a bit of a sissy...

But that seemed impossible to call yourself a sissy on a course such as this with it's 19 hills. Speaking of hills I hit one somewhere around eight or nine (I think that was nice and steep that gets your heart rate up and then sweeps to the right only to offer a second tier. As I passed a guy near the top he said "what a hill?" I laughed and asked him "which one?"

As I continued on, I saw a familiar figures almost trotting in front of me. It was GD. I knew something must be wrong because he is significantly faster than me and although he forgot his chip and started the race two minutes late, he still should have been way farther ahead of me. Just before another hill started I caught him and asked if he was ok. He said "yeah, I just can't breathe." Now, that is an oxymoron to me. If you can't breathe you are not okay!! He slowed to a walk and which made me even more worried. I asked if he wanted me to get some help or if he wanted me to stay with him. He said "no and waved me on." Before I became a nurse I always worried and stopped to check on people, but now I felt it my responsibility to always provide care if needed on or off the clock (like it or not I am an RN 24/7). I tentatively continued on and to think about him for a bit trying to ascertain if I had missed any signs that should have led me to believe something more serious was going on. I have had that "gut feeling" nurses refer to when something is really wrong before and I didn't have it now, so I pushed forward.

I was huffing and puffing on and off wondering how could I be so slow, what the hell is wrong with my breathing and thank goodness I was getting this all out today instead of at Boston in April.

Towards the end of my race (not that I knew that then -- hehe) I started this tiered long climb that seemed to last for an hour. I had seen e-speed and NC coming the other way for their cool downs and I hoped it was an indicator the end was near. It was but not as near as I had hoped, those two had run out farther than I thought and dashed my hopes of a quicker and less painful death, errr, I mean finish. My watch passed 1:45 and I thought if it takes me more than 30 minutes to finish this motherf*cker, I am quitting and getting a ride back! I rounded a familiar corner to the right and there it was a few hundred meters in front of me up a nice little incline, the finish. I was wheezing and according to GA, swerving all the way to the line. I thought I heard him say "your all right" because I was wheezing uncontrollably, but apparently I am hard of hearing when running. He really said "your almost there." I finished in 1:50:01, another :01 finish. Sheesh, what is it with me?

My recap and confusion about the mile markers got a good laugh from everybody and while I was a bit disappointed I was glad to be back and it was awesome to get to spend the morning with my SERC pals and JP too.

Track Attack!!

2011-03-16T12:33:00.000-07:00

Last night, I was fortunate enough to leave work by 3:00pm, so I could meet the girls (there were a few guys there too) at the track. I was excited to see the sun while I sat in the lounge area of the health space building when I was taking a break from interpretting EKG's (I did it for 2 days, 8 hours each -- I know there is a lot of jealousy out there after reading this), but by the time I left it was raining. Drat!! Do we run in the rain?

Of course, we do. I got to the track and ran a lap before having to go to the bathroom and then we did a warm-up mile. The workout prescribed for me was 4 x 1200 meters at 5:15 with 3:00 rest (and 1 by mile if I wasn't dead at 7:20). That meant 1:45 for my 400's. Whenever I've tried to run a 400 on the treadmill, that's the pace I set. Hmmm, this could be a disaster I thought. I was thinking more like a 5:30 pace, but the man with the plan disagreed. I was fortunate enough to have somebody giving me the workout and the times tonight, all I had to do was run, no worrying or stressing needed, so I toed the line.

The first lap was 1:43 and I felt stressed, but not too stressed, maybe the man with the plan was onto something. Hit on 2 at 3:28 and dead nuts on 5:15. I was breathing hard and my throat felt really dry, but I wan't wheezing or anything. I grabbed some water and focused on getting my heart rate down and trying not to tighten up. My "We Got the Runs" partner in crime and MG were also running these with me, but they were a few seconds ahead. We were all supposed to hit on 5:15, but they were pushing it a bit. I was content not to be an overachiever and try to keep up, so they usually gapped me by about 2-4 seconds each 1200. It didn't bother me, but by the start of the third 1200, I could feel I had tightened up, especially in my gluteal area and that was a pain in the ass (double meaning). I stayed focused on running even splits and doing my workout.

The lacrosse kids were practicing on the track, so a few balls and players ended up in lane 1 at the same time as me, but I compensated for any swerving or slow downs I had to make to avoid being lacrossed to death. There was a very loud bang behind me on the backside once that made me look back, only to see nothing. NC was coming up on me hard and I was confused until she said "that ball almost took my f*cking face off." Apparently, one of the players has made a really hard shot that no one managed to grab that passed oh so close to her face. I had decided it would be best to look straight ahead the entire workout because I didn't wan to know if I was gonna take a lacrosse ball to the head. I didn't want to see it coming. I just wanted to be knocked right out!!

I managed to hit all my 1200's on 5:15 or 5:14 (there might have been one I hit on 5:13, which is better than 5:17, in my opinion). It seemed no one was going to do the mile and the man with the plan said to do what you wanted. That was the last straw that made me feel guilty. I would step up and do an honest effort last mile. Three others did to. We started off the first lap with me leading, which was weird, I didn't lead but one time all night! Lap 1 was 1:48 (2 seconds fast), but pretty close. I had heard footsteps behind me the first lap, but when I turned around at the 100 meter marker after a dead quiet, there was nobody. I looked over at the start/finish line. Those (fill in blank with colorful name) had stopped!! They ditched me.

I kept going and hit lap 2 at 3:38 or 3:41 (can't remember now). By lap 3, I could feel the fatigue and tightness setting in. It felt like my feet weren't coming up as high and my arms were at chest height. I kept running, thinking you don't know you can't hit the time until you finish, so keep going. Lap 3 e-speed called out 5:30. Now, by my math I had to run a 1:40 to get in on time and I swear I heard her say "come on Beth, pick it up." I was confused and obviously senseless by that point. I hurried down the track, like a turtle on meth and avoided a near crash with a lacrosse runner on my lap and kept trying to hold on. The last stretch seemed longer than normal of course and I kept hoping it wouldn't be more than 7:25 when I hit. It was 7:14. I realized my math error and was glad it had been in my favor. I was pooped, felt stiff and old, but I made it through. Just like a turtle, I was slow, but steady.

Track workout: Success!!

Run From The Core

2011-03-12T13:12:00.000-08:00

Well, after a distracting week of work my mileage dropped oh so close to the couch potato level, only running three times so far this week. The good news is: it was a recovery week (my body does feel pretty rested) and I got in two quality workouts this week, one of those being my cut down/predator run (whatever you want to call it).

I was pleasantly surprised that the weather had taken a turn for the better by Saturday morning after the white knuckle driving snowstorm yesterday (I am with the majority of Cleveland -- I'm done with this winter), so I happily dressed for a 50 degree run. I overdressed with my arm warmers, but it took me less than a minute to strip them and tuck them in the waist of my capris around mile 2. After 5 miles at a lazy pace, I started the cutdown with a good effort for the first mile. I didn't look at the Garmin, but just ran somewhere around 10k to half marathon effort. I could feel my legs adjusting to the intensity over the first mile and mile 2 went by with minimal discomfort. The course I run has a lot of loops and turns as it goes through my 'hood, so often I found myself having to regroup (fixing my arm swing, not overstriding and keeping my core engaged, while exhaling deeply). Surprisingly, the focus on my core really helped me relax. Usually, I focus on my legs or arms, but today it was all about my core. It was fantastic for me and while I was certain the fatigue was partially due to the continued effort I was putting out, I was hoping some of it was because I was pushing the pace a little too. Hit the driveway just as mile 10 beeped on my Garmin. I walked the cul de sac for a cool down and reviewed the splits (8:04, 7:52, 7:46, 7:46, 7:27).

Cut down run success!!!

My Vision

2011-03-01T08:01:00.000-08:00

In the spring of 2008 I missed qualifying for the Boston marathon by a measly 8:44. It had stung and it had shaken me deep down in my strong box, that box that puts up the never ending battle to persevere, to achieve, to not give up. It made me wonder if the 3hr 40 min wall was impenetrable.

I had taken the summer, to mentally regroup in hopes that I would want to try again in the fall. I had blown up and suffered the last 8 miles. The possibility of that happening again was a very loud and in my face thought whenever I seriously considered signing up for another one. The idea of losing control of my race and stopping repeatedly, trying to get the cramps out of every muscle in my lower body as I played the role of the broken and defeated runner was horrifying.

But sometimes fate steps in and it's impossible not to believe in signs...

I had been watching the olympics, specifically the women's gymnastics when I heard the back story to Nastia Liukin and her ambitions to win gold in Beijing. She had made a vision board. The board was a collage of pictures and words that served as a vivid reminder of the "dream" at hand. It had stirred something deep inside me. I loved the idea. It was a sign for me that it was time to try again.

I set to work, thinking about what I wanted on the board. The race itself was in Philadelphia. I wanted to qualify for Boston. My mom was a huge cheerleader, sherpa, supporter and inspiration.

The race was like a war, each mile being a 8 minute and 23 second battle.

I found a lot of "Runner's World" magazines I had laying around and started looking for pictures that would be appropriate for my collage. Each picture, I selected became committed to memory over the course of the next 4 months as I prepared myself. I spent time physically training, but also building up my mental walls to shut out the negative voice and remember all the reasons why I was meant to do this and why I wouldn't fail a second time.

The vision board itself has no magic of course, but putting it on paper made it "real." It became that thing inside me that I all too often forget and lose sight of because it's overshadowed by doubts. It became the belief inside me that I don't have to be afraid of failing that I can succeed and I will achieve my dream.

Oh and I did run sub-3:40 when the day came, just as I had forseen.

What the ...Week!!!

2011-02-25T12:16:00.000-08:00

Dang! Where did it go? I don't go to work. I don't have kids and yet my week is gone!

Last Saturday, we celebrated my niece's 1st birthday and I cooked. I never cook. I don't make things. I can't draw, knit, sculpt nothing. It took me two weeks to prepare, with one day of prepping and one day of cooking, but when all was said and done I managaed to make two pan's of cheesy potato casserole (one without onions for my brother and sister-in-law) and 3lbs. worth of mussels in garlic and beer. I was extremely gluttonous and only slightly guilty. The food was a hit with no leftovers to be had. I made sure to get my niece two loud toys so her parents wouldn't forget her and she completely inspired me to get my own "smash" cake for whatever thrity-something birthday I have coming up in September.

Sunday, A broached the idea of selling my road bike. I had been kicking the idea around for the last year and a half, but being the type of person that has an emotional attachment to certain objects in my life I had not seriously done anything about it. A convinced me it would go to a good home and I could get a decent price and within four hours it was cleaned-up, test ridden and sold! Gone was my trusty red and black Trek 1200 that had carried me over thousands of miles, that had taken me 50+ mph once down a hill out by River Road and had only ever flatted on me one time in three years. It went to a good home and I hoped it's new rider would enjoy it as much as I had. The upside to all this was it got me a few bucks to get through these unemployed weeks until the dough starts rolling in from my new job.

Monday with all the crappy weather I was dreading the drive to South Pointe for my phsycial and physical capabilites test only to discover the power was out in some areas of the buildings and only half of my appointments would be completed. I was a little bummed. It had to be the physical capabilities test that would require me maxing out all 4 of my appendages in less than 45 minutes. I was told I would have to come back Tuesday following the same protocols, eat well, sleep well and avoid strenuous activity. This was messing up my running and boot camp. I peed in a cup in a pitch black bathroom, managing to avoid peeing on my hand and sacrificed three tubes worth of blood. I only ran 7 miles after and opted to skip boot camp once the weather became sketchy around 3pm.

Tuesday I traveled down to the main campus to turn in my new hire paperwork, get my ID badge and parking assignment. I originally was assigned the same parking deck as when I precepted down there, but switched to a surface lot to save $15 a month on parking, so now they only dock my paycheck $45/month (GEEZ, no wonder I make what I make -- they are gonna take most of it back in gas and parking!!). It was really quick and I went directly back to South Pointe thinking maybe I could get in an hour early, but no such luck. They checked me in and left me sitting in the lobby for an hour. My appointment was at 2:30pm. They called me back at 2:40pm. The max test required I be strapped into a seat tighter than the Dragster at Cedar Point. The straps criss-crossed my chest and after writhing, left and right, pretty much foaming at the mouth and grunting like a pissed off wild hog I had two thoughts.

1. If I had breast implants and did this test I bet I would have popped one if not both it was so tight
2. My shoulders were gonna be wrecked for days (I had hickey looking marks on both traps and they are still sore 3 days later).

The test was new as of this year and to fail would result in my job offer being rescinded. It was supposedly being used as an indicator for worker's comp and injuries, but it seemed flawed to me. How does my max strength determine if I know how to lift appropriately? Needless to say, it sounded like I had put the best numbers up at their facility by a female thus far when the administrator stated "Wow! I think these are the highest I have seen so far. She's set the bar for the girls." I left sore but happy knowing if I didn't pass that test nobody would.

Wednesday I ran down by my old high school and silently cursed all the high school drivers going by on their phones. Damn kids!!! And then it occurred to me -- I had been out of high school for 15 years (that was an unpleasant thought). I looped back down the all-purpose path and back home for an exhilirating 12 miler. Thinking back and looking outside now, I debate banging my head on the wall for not just making that my long run day as the weather was perfect for me and today is...well, less than ideal. Boot camp that night was rough. I had a really hard time doing anything that required my shoulders. I looked forward to the deadlift station, for once.

Thursday, I had set-up a reunion at Ray's for my classmates. I figured about 10 people were coming as I had not received that many unofficial RSVP's, but a little after 4:00 pm, person after person trickled in. It was amazing! The majority of my class and even one of my teacher's had made it out. I had meant to be home by 7:00 pm, but with so many great stories and an unending amount of ridiculous jokes and laughs it took me until 7:30 pm to muster the will power to say good-bye to them and head home.

Now, today I have spent a large amount of the day re-hashing the wonderful week I had and posting pics and thank-you's, watching some old show called "Moonlight" on the SyFy channel and periodically looking out the window to see if I am ready to brave the snow for my run. I will probably just hit the treadmill and keep watching TV before I possibly venture out to Bike Authority to spend time with another group of amazing people that have shared their friendship with me over the years.

The Initiative

2011-02-18T07:53:00.000-08:00

I had to backoff the blogging for a minute there, because I have found additional things to occupy all this free time I have so excitedly stumbled upon. I also discovered I am not alone in my "what to do? what to do?" state. Many of my classmates who have passed the boards are now searching for projects. I spent over a year of my life living a fire drill, trying not to panic and get everything done and study enough (I realized I could never study enough) to arrive at this...

The ability to wake-up, stretch and just breathe. I then plan out my day however I see fit for the most part. If I wanna run, run, if I wanna watch TV I can do it, drink coffee and hang out on FB for half the morining, well go right ahead. I even get to bed between 10pm and 11pm most nights and rise between 7am and 8:30am most days. Never had a regular sleep schedule before, wasn't even sure if I could do it. This nearly stress free zone I have been living in is fantastic and I know completely and whole heartedly that I earned it!

It's only been a little over a week and I find myself excited for the next adventure! Work starts on the 7th of March, and I have been going over new hire paperwork and scheduling appointments for exams and check-ups. I have also started reading books again -- for fun! No more text books addressing lab values and abnormalities of the human body.

I even started a private group on facebook for me and my classmates to share our knowledge about new nursing information, such as SB5 and collective bargaining (and to plan reunions, of course). I have also reached out to a former professor of mine at school and have been mapping out some professional meetings and lunchs with some "superstars" in my profession. I don't want to say too much yet, until it's set in stone, but there are about 3 million nurses in the US, however only about 20% of them belong to a professional organization and are proponents of active nurse advocacy. It is my hope to help that number increase in my own small and special way. My last semester I made a promise to myself. I wouldn't be that nurse that punched a clock and went home. I would be professionally vested in my career, supportive of my colleagues and job, taking initiative to improve nursing care and patient outcomes.

This is a really "BIG" step for me and I worry a bit I may have bitten off more than I can chew, but hey I wanna die trying..so I say "bring it on!!!"

Results are in...

2011-02-14T09:44:00.000-08:00

By 3:00 pm on Friday, the Ohio Board of Nursing still had the words "pending" by my name. I was dying a slow death inside. Most of my friends had found out by noon the day after their exams and I knew if mine weren't up by 5:00 pm I would have to wait until Monday!!! I wouldn't survive that long with my anxiety. I needed a straight jacket. I needed Ativan. I needed results.

I finally threw my running clothes on and texted A I was going out and gave him the information to check my status on-line if he wanted to while I was gone. I swore to myself I would not return until after 5 pm. The run turned out to be the best thing for me. Mile by mile I slowly lost focus on the boards and just looked at the road ahead. My IPOD wa turned up full volume, drowining out all my thoughts. Peace of mind was filtering in and taking over, ahhhh thank goodness.

Eventually, I had no choice but to return to reality and at 5:05 pm I arrived back at my drive way. I ran upstairs to see I had missed (2) phone calls, (2) text messages and (2) emails. Oh man, something was going on, could it be, it had to be...my results were posted.

Sure enough, I went to the website and pulled up my name and there it was plain as day, my name with an active status and an RN number!! It was over. I had passed!! I was officially an RN.

Hell Yeah!!!

The Panic of Waiting

2011-02-12T14:55:00.000-08:00

Uggghhhhh!!!!! This week has just been something! I can't find the word to describe it, but man it's been a doozy. It started with the doctor's appointment I had scheduled for Monday to have that lump checked out and then Thursday was the mother of all tests for me. Yes, the NCLEX. It was absolutely awful for me and not just the test but the majority of the day and even part of Friday.

I scheduled the test for 0800 and received instructions to bring my a printed copy of my test code and my driver's license and be there by 0730 to check-in and start on time. I printed everything out the night before and of course the damn printer ran out of ink before I got all the pages printed, so after a cartridge change and 2 more tries I got it. I went to boot camp and as usual with the cold weather, my truck doors froze shut, so I made a mental note to check the doors at 0630 on test morning to make sure I could get in -- I did, no major problems.

Got to the test center on time and waited to check in. As if I and the other eight or so people weren't nervous enough, they all but patted us down and drew blood beforehand. They called my name and I had to get fingerprinted, have my photo taken and have a venous palm scan. I was then asked to remove my watch and any jewelry (no scarf) and place it in a locker. They then asked me to roll up my sleeves, pull the front pockets of my jeans inside out and turn around stick my hands in my back pockets and prove there was nothing in there but my hands. The monitor then gave me a dry erase board that I was not allowed to erase anything on and I was not allowed to write anything on until the test began. Writing on the board ahead of time is brain dumping and is considered cheating. There would be a camera above me monitoring me the entire time and if I wanted a break I had to raise my hand and wait for a monitor to come escort me out of the test room. I was not allowed to get on my phone, use a computer or leave the building. The monitor asked if I had any questions and then escorted me to the computer.

Now, I was nervous of course, when the day started, but after all that I could feel my heart just banging in my chest, my palms weren't sweaty, they were drenched. My ears were hot and it was hard to hear. My level of anxiety was right below that of an attack and I was about to take the biggest test of my life. This was gonna be rough.

I took my time going through the tutorial and tried to calm down, but my heart just kept hammering. My stomach was on fire by this point and I didn't know what else to do, but begin the test. I repeated positive affirmations over and over " You can do this. You are gonna pass this test." Nothing was working. I can't even remember the test question at this point, not that I could repeat it anyway, but it wasn't as easy as I hoped it would be and I couldn't decided if it was because I wasn't sure or my brain was just so panicked. I somehow got through the first 25 with a few "select all that apply," which is a very high level question, so that's a good thing. I checked the clock on my computer, one hour had passed! I had been taking my time, but this was crazy. If I only did 25 an hour, I would only get through 150 questions. There were as many as 265! I would never get through all the questions. I had to be found competent in as few as possible.

I raised my hand at that hour mark and took my break. We had been told to take the breaks when we were ready, not when they offered. I was escorted out of the room and had a venous palm scan done again before I exited. I went to the bathroom and tried to collect myself. It didn't happen. I was not gonna get it together today. I started thinking I was gonna fail this and how it was gonna ruin everything and how upset my parents would be. I got a grip as best I could and re-entered the computer lab. They checked my sleeves and pockets again and did the venous palm scan. After, being escorted back to my computer again, I sat down and forced myself through the next 25, continuing to take my time and even writing a few things on my board. I started making slash marks for all the "select all's" I was getting quite a few. I used that to give me hope that I was doing well, trying not to jump up and run out of the lab. Got 50 and took another break, went to the bathroom again, checked-out and back in. Two hours gone by.

The last 25 were no easier or worse than the other 50. I had taken around 15 "select all's" and only one math. Those were good signs. I remember the 75th question was pretty easy and just like that when I clicked "next" -- It shut off!!! I had taken the minimum amount of questions. I just didn't know if it was because I was competent or completely incompetent. I thought to myself "there is no way the computer, could tell I was that stupid in 75 questions. I know I am smart enough to at least make the computer work harder than that to figure me out."

I left feeling sick to my stomach. I was shaking, my heart was still pounding and now after 3 hours my chest was hurting too. I drove home near tears, thinking I failed. I felt there was so many I had guessed at and never seen before, even with the review class.

I logged on to the website to see if it would let me register again to take the test. Unofficially, if you can register that means you failed and if you can't that means you passed. I pushed credit card and it allowed me to continue on with registration. I broke down crying. It was letting me register. I called A and explained what had happened, mildly hysterical and completely panicked. He tried to calm me down, but nothing doing and then I realized, I hadn't logged into my account. The site didn't know it was me. It thought I was a first time user! Still panicked I logged in and tried to register. It wouldn't let me. It was an unofficial way of saying I passed, but I had w,orked myself up so bad I still believed I failed.

I thought I would feel better after that, knowing I had taken the test and it was over finally, but it was worse, the waiting, the wondering. The rest of the day my thoughts were consumed with the idea of failing. I talked to my dad and he tried to reassure me, but nothing worked. I found out he even called A to come over and try to relieve some of my anxiety and calm me down. I just felt terrible all day. I couldn't focus on my tempo run and blew it after 2 miles on the treadmill. I went outside and barely made it through the other 2.

I was a mess and I still am today, the morning after. I feel sheer torture as I check and re-check the Ohio Board of Nursing hoping my status changes to "active." The more I check the worse I feel. No matter what the result, I am certain I will be crying my eyes out. I can't fathom re-taking this test.

It's Not Cancer

2011-02-07T10:40:00.000-08:00

I can't tell anyone how relieved I am at this moment in time. I just got home from the OB/GYN and the lump I had found last month in my left breast was just as I had suspected, hoped and prayed. It was just some fibrous tissue. I can feel the tears behind my eyes, the lump in my throat and the tension in my jaw as I sit here, fighting my emotions trying to type this out quick.

You never think it can happen to you. I generally feel pretty health, but when I sat down and explained to the doc what brought me in I felt very vunlnerable and weak, knowing I wasn't invincible and I could be sick, really sick. He did a breast exam and found the lump and told me he thought it was "nothing," but just to be safe he wanted me to have an ultrasound on it. The ultrasound as most of you know is very quick and painless, hell the gel they used was even warm. I watched the screen and every area on my breast looked the same. While I am not an ultrasound technician, I can figure out that when the lumpy area looked like the rest of my breast, it was a good thing. The doctor confirmed my unprofessional diagnosis. I thanked him and walked out of the office knowing that for the first time in over a month I would be able to fall asleep tonight knowing that lump in my breast was not cancer.

Prowess

2011-02-07T06:11:00.000-08:00

By definition means exceptional valor, bravery, or ability, especially in combat or battle or exceptional or superior ability, skill or strength

Oh, the answer to the multiple, multiple is b, e & f and here is the rationale:

Hydrochlorothizaide is a thiazide diuretic used in the managment of mild to moderate hypertension, and in the treatment of edema associated with: heart failure, renal dysfunction, cirrhosis, corticosteroid therapy, and estrogen therapy. It increases th excretion of socium and water by inhibiting sodium reabsorption in the distal tubule of the kidneys. It promotes the excretion of chloride, potassium, magnesium, and bicarbonate. Side effects include: drowsiness, lethargy, and muscle weakness, but not muscle twitching. Although there may be abdominal cramping, there is not diarrhea. the client does not become confused as a result of taking this drug.

Anyway, regarding running, it's been my soup for the soul! I haven't felt this much peace of mind with myself and my body for as long as I can remember. Sure, I still have my concerns and worrying is like breathing for me -- can't live without eiter, but man do I feel calm and relaxed deep down in my soul.

Last week was really good to me. Lots of strength training between boot camp and shoveling and I was on target to hit 50 miles running for the week for the first time since, oh I think last April (makes me wish I was a professional athlete sometimes). It's been so amazing as the miles just keep on clicking by one by one. Most of the runs I have just been enjoying myself, but on a few I have had delusions where I am not Kara Goucher or Paula Radcliffe, I am someone way faster, someone who can break records and keep going -- on those days I am a superhero version of ... me!! I am the greastest runner out there (I didn't get to play Barbie and house that much as a kid and I never had an imaginary friend, so I think maybe I am making up for it now).

Monday, I managed a speedworkout of 3x1 mile on the treadmill at 7:24/mile and then Thursday I ripped off a 4 mile tempo run on the treadmill at a pace of 8:06/mile. The treadmill is not my choice for running on, as 10:00 minute miles feel like 8:30 pace, but lately I have been ready to see how hard I can push myself to mentally focus. Both workouts, were difficult as I hate the montony of staring at the wall, but it's helping me build the focus and mental prowess I will need for the last few miles of the marathon.

I mean the marathon is a battle, cancer is a battle, sometimes even life is a battle.

Testing? Testing?

2011-02-04T06:31:00.000-08:00

**This is the wall in front of my bed**

As I continue to sift through my stack of nursing notes in preparation for the NCLEX, my fears eb and flow like the sea. At times I feel completely prepared, if not over prepared and at other times I don't think any amount of studying will ever truly prepare me for this f*ckin' thing!

The test is based on what a new nurse knows. Who is this person? I don't know half the stuff she knows. She had to be the chic that ruined the curve in school and had no life -- b#tch probably never bonged a beer in her life or trained for a marathon.

The test is computer adaptive, so depending on how I answer the first question will determine my next question and so forth. The idea is to get a bunch of the easy ones right (about 15-20) and get up above the competency line then if I miss a few I am still above the competency line.

The minimum I can take is 75 and the max is 265 questions. I have 6 hours, which is way too long. If I am not out in less than two hours it's probably not a good sign. Shutting off at 75 doesn't tell me if I passed or failed. If I make it past 75 questions that means I am still competent and the computer has not yet gauged my knowledge base (it's not that big--snicker, snicker). If the test shuts off at 76+ questions and I got the last one right, I passed, if it shuts off on one I missed, I failed. No pressure.

The minimum also includes 15 questions that don't count for or against my score, of course I don't know which ones they are. The state boards are trying to determine if the information is being taught in nursing schools yet and it should be a valid question they can utilize on future NCLEX exams (like we don't already have to know too much information).

There are also these questions called "Multiple Multiples." They suck!!! The question will be something like ...

A client takes HCTZ for treatment of essential hypertension. The nurse should instruct the client to report which of the folloing. Select ALL that apply.

a. muscle twitching
b. abdominal cramping
c. diarrhea
d. confusion
e. lethargy
f. muscle weakness

You don't know how many you need to pick, you just know if you don't pick all the right answers -- it's wrong and if you pick all the right answers + a wrong answer -- it's wrong. The good thing is these questions indicate high competency and if I get them I way above the competency line and I will pass.

UPDATE: There were 30 of us in my cohort in the fall of 2009. One quit after 8 weeks, one failed out the 3rd semester and one dropped down to the traditional program after the third semester. Twenty-seven of us made it through the acclerated program and of those twenty-seven, five of us have taken the test and passed. Here's hoping I join those ranks shortly!!

On Guard

2011-01-31T13:47:00.000-08:00

After, my long run, three glasses of wine and some nachos Saturday night I felt less than motivated to drag myself out for another run Sunday.

I spent a large part of the morning reviewing notes for my boards and watching the Houston Marathon live on-line. It wasn't very interesting and it looks like one of the girls who was trying to qualify for the trials had a mishap somewhere between 25k and 30k and dropped. I don't know her story yet because she hasn't updated her blog and neither has her friend who ran in the half marathon championship the day before. I hope she takes another crack at an OTQ. She certainly has the talent to run a sub-2:46!!

Anyway, back to my "On Guard" story. Well, finally around 1500 I got my lazy ass out the door for a little over 5 pokey miles. My legs were fatigued as they should be, but nothing to stop me from an enjoyable recovery run, except for the ski boot. Yeah, the first mile felt like I had a ski boot on my left foot. My achilles and the plantar fascia that run along the underside of my foot were tighter than they had ever been. I sighed, this wasn't going to be easy getting ready for Boston on any fronts. I was going to have to watch my foot very carefully.

Speaking of guards and protection, I sometimes forget how much nursing info has been ramrodded into my head and how many others have been spared the system overload, however it does have its perks at times. I found myself laughing hysterically the other night when A explained to me he needed a good insurance plan because he was now 40 and he didn't want something to happen to his weaponary, manhood etc...(i.e. testicular cancer). The thing is men are most at risk for testicular cancer between the ages of 15-40 when their testosterone levels are highest. I explained this to him and he sighed, a little relieved. I then proceeded to tell him, now he had to watch his "shield" and defend his land/territory as he was now at greater risk for prostate cancer. He wasn't too happy, of course I am not sure if that was because he was really worried about cancer or if it's the thought of a rectal exam -- FUN! FUN!

The UGLY Truth

2011-01-29T15:45:00.000-08:00

It is never something I like to do. Go into a situation unprepared that is, or even underprepared for that matter. I guess you could say "I'm a safety girl."

That said, getting ready for Boston is definitely putting me in the "I am not ready for this" category. I had planned a tempo run the other day with a 4 mile warm-up, 4 miles at tempo and .5-1 mile cool down only to have my knee ache (out of nowhere mind you!) and my Garmin beep at me and say "memory full." I couldn't believe my luck! What were the chances? I figured it was okay I would just run off A and hope he could hit the correct pace, but then he started weaving left and right shooting snow and slush from his waterproof shoes onto my not-waterproof shoes.

Now A and I are very competitive and have very different etiquette when running. When I run with a slower person, I usually let them lead and run off them, never trying to push the pace or make the other person feel like they aren't going hard enough. I also, never finish first. I know I am faster, there is no need to rub it in. The other person worked harder and they deserve to finish first. I have nothing to gain. A however, runs either in front of me or just a hair ahead on my side. If I pick up the pace he picks it up never letting me be in first and if I push hard at the end, well he pushes past me to the end -- first. I have spent years being annoyed and trying to get used to it, so when I KINDLY said "can you please pick a side?" I got a not-so kind response. That was the 3rd strike for this run. I turned around and trudge home alone while A continued on his own. No tempo run done and a wonky knee warranted an extra rest day. (A later admitted he was just cranky and apologized, so all is good and normal).

Today, I knew I still owed my long run and I figured with the rest day, if the knee felt ok I would just do it. I had 3 flat easy miles and then I literally headed for the hills. They aren't major like Sherman or Fairmount, but there are 4-5 in a 3 mile period that are about .25-.5 mile long and have plenty of grade. I think the steepest is about 7-8%. Anyway, I rolled down and back on this strip for 15 miles and felt like I had the back of an old lady. It was aching something fierce and I just felt, well pooped. Although, I can walk fine and I have no severe aches or pains and I will live to run another day -- 8:47/mile for 18 miles through the hills tells me two things....

Good:
Even if I blow up I will still probably be able to finish Boston in less than 4 hours

and

Bad:
Even if I blow up I will still probably be able to finish Boston in less than 4 hours

While I am not deadset on a PR, of course I want to run one!!! Good Lord, I have my work cut out for me.

It's Not Supposed to Tickle

2011-01-26T07:49:00.000-08:00

Most of us have seen the triathlon CGI video, about the guy who finds getting up at 4:45 "to train" fun. I had not yet seen the running one -- pretty funny and spot on in regards to some of my running buddies (I can so see a certain girlfriend of mine at her office trying to explain this to her co-workers).

Crazy how "losers" get medals and the first "marathoner" died, yet every year more and more people are taking up running.

I also found Adam Goucher's favorite running quotes here. Most of them I had heard before or wasn't that impressed with, but these two made me laugh.

"It's not supposed to tickle"
"If you wanna catch me, you gotta be fast… if you wanna stay with me, you gotta be good… if you wanna pass me….You’ve got to be kidding" (Not that I, "turtle" as A likes to call me would ever wear this on a shirt, but I do find it funny).

Running Regular...Boring....

2011-01-24T18:33:00.000-08:00

I started this blog to log racing and running experiences, but when it only gets a small portion of my life if any, often I find I have nothing really to say about it. The other part of it is, I find myself infatuated with some of the information I have learned in school (Solar and Spiderman would be so proud of my nerdiness).

Running has been very consistent the last month. I have managed 5-6 runs per week hitting 115 miles so far this month. I am over the whole, "Uuugghh, I wish it were a rest day. My legs are sluggish. When will I be pumped about training again?" It passed about two weeks ago, so it took about 3-3.5 weeks to work the run lag out of my legs and the motivation back into my body. The foot and calf are still manageably uncomfortable, but usually the pain subsides after the first or second mile. I just came off a recovery week of 26.30 miles as per the garmin, so we will see how the next cycle goes.

My long runs have not been going as well as I had hoped. Last year, when I started training for Cleveland I had three months of base training, for Boston this year, I got two weeks. I keep trying to view it as a challenge, but once I have reached a new tier of accomplishment in any area of my life it's always difficult for me to go back and not have those same higher expectations. It could just be that it is colder and windier than last year or maybe I am turning into a pansy...Nahhhh!

I have no time goal for Boston at this stage in the game. It's too early for me to tell with only a two hour long run. I don't want to push myself and get injured (or more injured), but I don't want to be a sloth and slack off, only to set myself up for a time that I should have and could have easily bettered had I pushed a little harder in training.

I still have plenty of pounds to remove before Boston too. I have been eating like a line backer the last week!! Damn those drumsticks!!

Bet You Didn't Know

2011-01-22T10:31:00.000-08:00

As you can see this is a down week for me from, well everything and boy did I need it. It has allowed me more time to blog and surf the internet and study. I found out some interesting things...

1) Josh Cox ran the P.F. Chang's Arizona Marathon and just kept on going to break his American Record in the 50k. He ran a 2:17:xx before tacking on another 4 miles to set a new record in 2:43:xx.
2) Kara Goucher is only 3 months post baby and ran the 1/2 marathon there in 1:14:xx and some change to complete her fourth 100 mile week in preparation for Boston. She didn't win, but still 1:14 is crazy fast.
3) Sammy Wanjiru supposedly assaulted his wife with an AK-47. Wow, that's some severe domestic violence. Not impressed, he should have gone for a run to cool off.
4) Kate Bevilaqua beat Rebekah Keats at Ironman Western Australia on her hands and knees. Makes me cramp up just thinking about how much it takes to keep going. You can watch it here...

Learn something new everyday.

The Exception, Not The Rule

2011-01-21T10:18:00.000-08:00

I found this story on the kitchen table, so I know my parents both read it and shed a few tears. I know I did.

The most important trips aren't about getting somewhere. They're about getting to someone. (via Elliott.org)

But in an age of mounting airline fees, reduced in-flight services, uncomfortable security pat-downs and multi-day delays caused by erupting volcanoes, it's easy to forget that.
Amid the cries of "I've already paid for my hotel!" and "You need to get me to Atlanta!" anger and inconvenience frequently blind us to the fact that travel is ultimately about people. We also forget that airline employees—bound by big company rules and regulations—get frustrated, too.
Enter Nancy, whose travel triumph, tempered by a great deal of sadness, has turned an unnamed Southwest Airlines pilot into an online hero.

(More at NewsFeed: Meet the 13-Year-Old HERO of the Australian Floods)

Nancy reads a blog by Christopher Elliott, a consumer advocate and journalist, and wrote to him about her husband's recent ordeal traveling on flights from Los Angeles to Tucson to Denver. Their situation makes complaints about leg room look downright petty.

"Last night, my husband and I got the tragic news that our three-year-old grandson in Denver had been murdered by our daughter's live-in boyfriend," she wrote. "He is being taken off life support tonight at 9 o'clock and his parents have opted for organ donation, which will take place immediately. Over 25 people will receive his gift tonight and many lives will be saved."

So early in the morning, after what must have been a torturous night's sleep, Nancy and her husband arranged for him to fly from Los Angeles, where he was traveling for work, to Tuscon, where he would step off one plane and immediately onto another one headed to Denver. "The ticketing agent was holding back tears throughout the call," Nancy wrote. "I'm actually her step-mother and it's much more important for my husband to be there than for me to be there."

Mourning the loss of his child's child, and no doubt worrying about his grieving daughter, he was likely in no state to travel. Airport stress only compounded his despair. He arrived at LAX two hours before his scheduled flight time, but quickly realized that delays at baggage check and security would keep him from making the flight.

(Travel photos: Amazing snapshots of travelers stranded by holiday blizzards)

According to Nancy, he struggled to hold back tears as he pleaded with TSA and Southwest Airlines staff to fast-track him through the lines that were moving like molasses. Even though missing his flight could mean missing a final chance to see his grandson, no one seemed to care.

Too much was at stake to simply roll over and cry. When he finally cleared security—several minutes after his flight's planned departure—he grabbed his computer bag, shoes and belt, and ran to his terminal wearing only his socks. The pilot and the gate agent were waiting for him.

“Are you Mark? We held the plane for you and we're so sorry about the loss of your grandson,” the pilot reportedly said. “They can't go anywhere without me and I wasn't going anywhere without you. Now relax. We'll get you there. And again, I'm so sorry.”

It's hard to overestimate the courage of the pilot's decision. The flight, which ultimately departed 12 minutes late, likely had hundreds of passengers rolling their eyes in contempt. And given that any delay has knock-on effects for passengers at the destination airport, his decision placed Southwest at risk of facing the wrath of travelers, and more than a few demands for compensation.

Elliott, who brought the story to the blogosphere's attention, approached Southwest about the story, half expecting the airline to be outraged by a pilot's refusal to push the on-time departure.

Instead, they told him they were "proud" of their pilot, a man who clearly understands that taking a child off life support has consequences that run deeper than a flight taking off late. As Nancy wrote: "My husband was able to take his first deep breath of the day." Hopefully, over time, his daughter can do the same.

By William Lee Adams

It's too bad this pilot seems to be the exception to the general population and not the rule. A little more patience and compassion, might be just what we all need.

Resignation

2011-01-21T09:31:00.000-08:00

I did it!! After a little more than 6 years at the restaurant I wrote up my resignation two weeks ago notifying them of my last day. I am a little sad, but extremely excited. Some things that I just wont miss...

Crappy tippers -- I have never really discussed tipping on my blog, but before I stop serving here is my $0.02. I approve of most of my friends tipping, but some are completely awful! The going rate for good service is at least 18%. If you can't tip don't go out to eat. Servers make $3.50/hour + tips and then tip-out 2.25% at our restaurant, so if some table comes in has a $100 check and leaves $5.00, I just made $2.75 after tip-out. If you stiff me, I am in the hole $2.25 and it costs me to come to work!! I have people tell me all the time they are crappy tippers and I tell them that's fine because I give crappy service. Ask yourself: How would you feel if someone was messing with your money? Would you laugh at the funny joke? No, so don't expect me to either.

Unprofessionalism -- All the servers, that yell at each other, refuse to help out and do their assigned work, well I say be gone, bye bye, I wont miss you! I often think that if I was too lazy to change IV tubing or an IV itself in the hospital, I would hands down lose my job. That's how it is at work. I wont miss how the bartender is married with 2 kids and sleeping with a server who has her own kid or all the people that have DUIs and have no money for rent because they spent it at the bar!

Improperly cooked food -- I wont miss how ticket times get up to 25-30 minutes when we are busy and guests want us to give them a free meal. "Jesus people! We are busy!! We can only fit so many steaks on the grill." Also, when we tell you the steak will be a warm-red, HELLO, there will be blood. A sirloin "well done, not burnt" will not be juicy. You got the cheapest steak, because it is the cow's ass, of course it will be tough.

Some of the things I will miss are...

My girls (RG, DVL & TI). They have such great work ethic and if we hadn't stuck together during the many moments of insanity, we may have all walked out and quit. I told them I would come in next Christmas and tip them all $100. All too often people under tip than over tip.

My awesome regulars, who came in religiously over the years to keep me up to date on their adventures while enjoying some unhealthy, but tasty food. I genuinely enjoyed getting to know all these wonderful people and share many laughs. I have been saying my good-byes and introducing them to the other 3 awesome ladies I worked with so that they can continue to come in and have an a good experience at the restaurant.

I am even gonna miss my GM, who is so much like my dad. He is impossible to talk to when the restaurant is on fire and yells in a time of crisis (kinda like Chef Ramsey), but in the end he means well and loves you with all his heart, like you're one of the family. Deep down, he is a big softy. Sometimes, I think too much. He needs to expect more out of his staff and put down the law, stop this letting them slide on their work.

Alas, I am going to an hourly wage, with full benefits, paid time off and full-time hours in 4 days with the opportunity for overtime!! I am so happy to know my paycheck will no longer depend on how well I can kiss ass or how educated or uneducated a customer is :)

As of February 23, 2011, I am officially no longer a server.

The Next Chapter: See You Soon

2011-01-14T08:23:00.000-08:00

When I last left my blog I was at the pinnacle of my stress level. However, a canceled final with the option to take the average of your test scores and a few weeks of working like 35-40 hours after finals and I managed to

a) Graduate
b) Make the $450 (cash or money order only) for my review class

I felt it necessary to "get away" from the books and blogging to allow myself a re-load of some sorts before starting this promising new phase of my life. I am still thinking "next semester" thoughts, only to remind myself a minute later -- there is no next semester, you are done, but that will fade. It seems so strange that I have been going to school since 2005 and in that time gotten (2) bachelors degrees and (1) masters and now that chapter has ended.

I promised myself, I would study diligently for my state boards and build up my mileage again in preparation for my 5th marathon, but both are not quite where I had planned them to be. Although, I told my employer I would be leaving him here in the next few weeks, he seems to have decided to get as many hours out of me as possible, thwarting my efforts to study and run in favor of asking how a guest would like their steak cooked and refraining from walking out because as a whole our restaurant lacks accountability from the management on down (which completely frustrates and annoys me, as a person with a self-diagnosed obsessive-compulsive personality disorder). My sanity clings to the thought of, "a few more weeks and then I am done with this."

As for my review class it is exceptionally informative and funny. My instructor is 110% NO BS. She tells the most ridiculous stories to help us remember drugs, diseases and treatments we will need to not necessarily be a good nurse, but to pass the NCLEX exam. My homework includes 530 questions every week with stacks of handouts, which will put me pretty near the recommended 3,000 that should be done before taking the boards.

As for my board exam, well of course KSU's administration who set unrealistic goals and deadlines for us dragged their feet "because of snow days" and submitted our graduation work to the state late (Uuggghh, one last thing to add to the pile of things KSU did to piss us off). I am very excited to be done with that place. If and when I go back for my masters in nursing, it certainly will not be there. I did however, sign up for my test and am keeping it a secret from the world, so don't ask.

Running has been slow, but progressive and my weight has come down about 3lbs. My aunt even came out on New Years and was able to run 8 miles with me and my running club, followed by some mimosas and a kick ass runner's breakfast at FDs. The weekly mileage is only hanging in the 30s, but on a positive note I have found new uses for a golf ball that has minimized the discomfort in my left hamstring, calf and foot. Mornings are always a test the first few steps as I walk gingerly until I can assess the damage from the day before.

Boston is less than 100 days away and I very excited to go with the e-speed, BB and JP. My team (mom and aunt) will be traveling separately, but will be there nonetheless. My mom has been at the starting line of every one of my marathons. The first one (Akron) she was not quite at the level of a hot mess, but she was a bit teary eyed and emotional, right before I left. I told her I would "see her soon" to try and calm her down and although she is much more composed and focused on getting me focused now-a-days, I still always say it before I cross the starting line. It's funny how I used to give her a 20 minute window of when and where I would be at a certain mile and she would just watch expectantly. Now, she gets updates on her cell and knows my splits almost better than me. It's my hope one day that I am the one standing with the cell phone watching her splits and trying to not to pull my hair out as she leaves the starting line and tells me "I will see you soon."

Ice Road Trucker

2010-12-13T21:36:00.000-08:00

It seems my third degree is gonna take a little longer than I had hoped (bummer). It would figure that of the three final exams I have scheduled this week they would be at the beginning of the week when all snow, had broken loose! I prayed they wouldn't be canceled since KSU's contingency plan was to reschedule them for the week of Christmas -- What kind of present is that??!!

I left for my first final around 9:00 am and drove at most 30 mph, since the "snow governor" on my truck wouldn't go any faster. Oh and did I tell you the doors were all frozen shut and my dad had to jimmy the door open with a crow bar. It wasn't too bad, except when I would try to get going from a dead stop, then the back end would just fish tail left and right with only a little forward momentum, until I gassed it a bit. Kent was a disaster. The snow was coming down so hard it looked like white rain and two of the main roads onto campus were closed. I detoured over to the northeast end of campus only to find a car in the ditch and myself going down a hilll in the middle of a traffic jam. Impatient, young and not so bright college students were pulling into a nearby parking lot to turn around. I left space in front of my truck so they could pull back out, but cars started going around me thinking they were just gonna cut in front of me and wait in traffic. I was completely irritated and ready to get out of my truck and hit the a-holes in the face with a snowball or take my truck and tap their back ends into the ditch, but people are idiots and even worse in bad weather, so I just honked hoping they would realize they had cut me off and blocked people from being able to pull out. Thankfully, they all got the picture and pulled into the parking lot themselves so cars could get out. It took me about 15 minutes to go 1 stupid mile, but I made it for my first final -- Whew!!

My final went off without a hitch and as I was leaving I got an email stating all classes were canceled for the remainder of the day. I hurried to my truck thinking..."I gotta get the hell out of here!!" I took the main roads home (i.e. 261N and 43N), but when I got into Streetsboro I could see a line of cars slowly going up a hill. Great, my truck doesn't do slow uphills in the snow. I slowed as much as I could at the base of the hill before trying to rush up it, but no dice. My truck was succumbing to the snowy kryptonite. As I slowed, my back end started sliding toward the ditch and no matter what I did it just kept going the wrong way. Arrrrggghhh!!!! This was the most frustrating drive in all the years I have had my truck. Usually, I can handle my truck in the snow, but I was losing ground -- literally. I hit the brakes and stopped trying to fight the slide for a second when this crazy broad in a van decided while I was trying to avoid and accident and getting stuck she would go around me. Enter full on slaught of Road Rage: I yelled "WTF are you doing, you dumb broad?" She of course couldn't hear me, but she did smile and wave as she passed. All I could do was mutter the words "complete idiot" under my breathe.

I pulled my foot off the brake and hammered the gas. It went straight, but I was diagonal and went toward oncoming traffic. I managed to get the truck back in the appropriate direction after a second and minus having to pull over to clean the ice off my windshield at the next gas station, I made it home without further mishap.

I had a final tomorrow, but thankfully KSU smartened up and canceled it, until either Thursday or Tuesday of next week. While I am not happy my last day at Henderson Hall wont be this Wednesday, I am quite glad I wont have to drive in this snow tomorrow. The bright side of this extended, unfinished business is I get at least one extra day to study for psych.

The Big News

2010-12-12T09:54:00.000-08:00

Well, if you haven't guessed my beyond exciting news from my other post by now, you obviously don't care about my life in any way, but I got a job!!!!

If you read through my prior posts this fall, you will see I worked in oncology, solid tumor to be exact and I can't express enough how much I loved the work and the team of healthcare professionals I worked with, nurses, doctors, physicians assistants, case managers and PCNAs. My preceptors had asked me what I thought of the unit while I was there and I of course told her it was really well run and such a great atmosphere. She then asked me "would you wanna work here?" I thought "HELL YEAH," but responded with "absolutely, this is a great place."

I was fortunate enough to spend a shift shadowing the nurse manager (the boss) and getting to know her (she is very direct, no non-sense and super cool). I went to a staff meeting and they covered important topics that I can't disuss here, but they also covered small things too. I remember her asking where was the coffee machine for her staff? Although, silly and miniscual she cared about here staff and wanted her staff's needs met big and small. This woman was my kind of boss!! As my practicum progressed, I had short encounters with her and she even asked for help with drip calculations on the new pumps and what I thought of her unit as a nursing student. I told her I loved it and if a position ever opened, I would be more than excited to work for her.

Fast forward to about three weeks ago: My semester was coming to a close and I was excited to be done with step 1: get the degree. Step 2 & Step 3 would commence at the same time, i.e. pass boards, get licensed and find a job. I had applied for position in leukemia, bone marrow transplant and cardiovascular units, but got the response "thanks, but no thanks." It appeared nobody wanted to hire an ulicensed nurse with no experience, but then I got an email from my old nurse manager that a positioin had opened up and I should post for it. Immediately I did and I got a call for a phone interview a few days later. I was excited and nervous. I went through questions on the internet on how to best answers questions about your weaknesses, why you feel you are qualified and why you want to work on a unit and had nearly two pages of single spaced 11 inch font answers all ready for the the phone interview and no, I am not a worrier, or neurotic, or a perfectionist ;)

I got the call and it took all of ten minutes. I breezed through it and felt really good about my answers. I was told I would get a call back in about a week if they were interested. Okay, here we go witht the waiting game. I thanked HR and hung up, but then my phone rang not an hour later and I was shaking -- CRAP!! They had forgotten to ask me something or I was that bad they knew immediately how much I sucked. I answer (Gulp) "Hello."

"Hi, E, We have your results and you did really well and we are calling to set up a two hour working interview with the nurse manager." Oh my God, you are, I thought!! "Oh that's awesome!" I said. We discussed times scheduled it at 9:00 am on the following Wednesday. I would then have to haul ass down to KSU by 1:00pm, since Psych class takes attendance -- blah!!

December 1st, I dressed in my scrubs and headed down to my old stomping ground (or to what felt like it anyway). I got there about 15 minutes early and ended up hugging lots of nurses and saying "hi." Everybody seemed pretty glad to see me. My preceptor was there and I got a huge hug from her, have I mentioned how great she is? I waited until about 8:55 am to head down to KD's (the nurse manager) office. We chatted for not even an hour about everything. We were then supposed to commence with the shadowing but the resonse I received was "you already know the floor, the nurses and how the unit works. I am not going to make you shadow. You can leave or you can go visit with the nurses, or just hang out, whatever you like, just don't pass any medications." I laughed, this was so awesome, even a little fun. She told me she would know within a week, who she would be hiring, but HR is slow so if I didn't get a call in a week, then don't to panic. I left her office and helped my preceptor care for a patient who was vomiting, changed some sheets, helped a guy arrange for his dinner and said my good-byes, hopefully not for the last time.

One week later, I had received no phone call and I was devastated. I had sent a thank you letter and worried and worried and -- nothing. Some of my classmatesknew about the interview and would ask me everyday "did you get the call yet?" "No, they don't want me. I am not gonna get it" I said. "Yes, you will! They love you" they said. I hadn't really told anybody for fear of cursing myself, but maybe the few who did know were enough to curse me anyway.

This Thursday, I had stayed up until about 2:00 am working on my last project and so I heard my phone at 9:30 am on Friday morning I was a little groggy, until I saw the number. It was THEM!!! I sat up quickiy and had a huge head rush. My heart was pounding in my chest. I felt like I was under water. I was losing my hearing. Oh, Sh*t!!!! I am gonna pass out.

Me: (heart rate is well above 100 bpm) "Hello."
Them: "Hi is E. there."
Me: (Of course, it's me!! This is my cell, who else would it be?) "Yes, this is she."
Them: "This is so and so from the so and so."
Me: (I know who it is!! I have been waiting for you to call all freakin' week!!) "Yes, hi, how are you?"
Them: "Oh, great. Thank you. And yourself"
Me: (my heart is about to explode and I am ready to puke, how do you think I am feeling) "I am doing really well. Thanks."
Them: "Well, I am calling on behalf of KD, about the RN position on such and such a unit."
Me: (of course, I know what you are calling on behalf of!!) "Oh yes?!?!"
Them: "Well we would like to offer you the position (goes over shift, pay, details etc...) "Would you like to accept? Oh wait do you have any questions?"
Me: (Yeah, why did you wait so long to call and Hell No, go back to your question!!!!) "No, I have no questions."
Them: "Well, would you like to accept the offer or would you like time to think about it?"
Me: (that's all I have thought about for a week and a half, how much more time do I need?!?!?!) "Um, no I don't need time to think about it. I WOULD LOVE TO ACCEPT THE POSITION."
Them: "Great!" then she goes over more details and requirements for start date and hangs up.

I sat there for a good two minutes just staring at my door and smiling and then I jumped off my bed and yelled "I DID IT!!! I GOT A JOB!!!!!" I am an idiot, but an excited one nonetheless. I found a job in nursing before graduation and on the unit I wanted to boot. I had heard horror stories about kids who had graduated in August still looking for jobs, but not me. I was on top of the world, now to pass my finals and my boards. (HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Last Days

2010-12-09T21:44:00.000-08:00

It hasn't set in at all that today was my last clinical ever, before I become an RN, barring failing any exams (actually I could fail and still pass, unless it was an extremely low grade). Every patinet I had in critical care with the exception of one was intubated and none had made it off the vents when I cared for them. I had a patient a few weeks ago that respiratory therapy attempted a wean test with (usually lasts about 30 minutes), but she failed within 10 minutes. Today, my patient for the first time in my critical care history ... PASSED! I took that as a good sign for not only him, but for me. too. He had been taking quite a bit of the Michael Jackson juice (Propafol/Dipravan) as I have so fondly been calling it and when I stopped the pump, called out his name and gave him a firm sternal rub he could barely open his eyes. However, when I reported off a little before 1pm he was extubated, had a venti mask on and was turning his head to the left and right. What a fighter!!! Hell Yeah!!

Tomorrow, I have my very last class from 9-1p and testing from 1-3p, but you can bet your candy canes I wont be going down until noon or so. I have one final project due by midnight tomorrow that's pretty much all wrapped up. I look back now at all I have learned and I still feel like I don't know anything. It's rumored it can take up to 2 years to feel comfortable on the floor -- yikes!

In other related news, I nominated my precpetor for an excellence award as a leader in nursing and lo' and behold I received an email stating ..... "thanks for nominating so and so. Your nominnee passed all the necessary criteria and will be honored at a semiformal dinner celebration." She hands-down deserved the award and so much more in my opinion. I don't think I could ever thank my preceptor enough for all she did to guide me as a soon-to-be new nurse.

The entire nursing school experience was much more difficult than I had ever thought it would have been. I generally am not an overconfident person, and when it came to academics I never worried. This program has really knocked me down a notch or ten, but it's also opened my eyes to critical thinking and application on a whole new level.

This program has afforded me the opportunity to meet twenty-nine peopleI will never forget and miss dearly. We have worked together, studied together, and even cried together, but all those times don't even come close to how much we have laughed together. I know they will all be very successful in their nursing careers.

On Wednesday, if I haven't said it before I am scheduled for my last exam. It ends at 12:30pm and when I walk out of Henderson Hall it will be for the last time.

I will have victoriously crossed another finish line.

Holy Hibernation Batman!

2010-12-07T21:50:00.000-08:00

It looks like winter has hit. I am usually not excited for the snow, but I had such a great winter of running last year with the snow falling, the slush slushing my shoes and lets not forget the cold butt cheeks that I can't be anything but excited for this year! Except for one problem, I can't stop sleeping!!! I have been so drowsy since last Thursday. I still have 6 days left of school too before running season can commence. Everyday I have been getting a little bit more pumped about the nice quiet days that lay ahead for me. The days that will only require me getting out of bed and lacing up my shoes for the next few weeks and coming home to a nice hot cup off coffee with Baileys in it...mmmmmmmmm!

I just need to stay awake long enough to wrap up two more projects and four exams!! I did my professional issue yesterday and it got a few laughs and an A....WOOT!! I am learning to become googledocs savier-ish. I like powerpoint and attaching documents to emails, but KSU is so up to date on technological advances it was unavoidable and I had to submit to there "linky" ways.

I am hoping to have some beyond exciting news here in the next few days (or some super sucking news), but I don't deal in patience. I deal in patients :) I have noticed I have acquired this urge to make up new words or transform them from verbs to nouns or adjectives too (weird, I know).

Running has been about 3 times a week. This week I have 0 in and probably wont do any, just not in the cards, nor do I want to. It's gonna be a long road back, but no sense worrying about that now -- at least my weight isn't going up, so maybe I am not really ready to hibernate yet.

"Hey Man, Nice Shot"

2010-11-30T11:21:00.000-08:00

Is just not an acceptable thought in my head right now as I have 11 measly days of school left until graduation!!! The long road within the never ending tunnel of darkness has come to an end. I can see the light.

I finally got out for a few runs to counteract my sluggish, defeatest attitude the last few weeks. I am moving at the speed of a true turtle, especially with the additional poundage nursing school afforded me, but it's better than sitting on my bed with my laptop for countless hours trying to do, well you know, all that stuff that has kept me from triathlon and running and stressed me the heck out for the last 15 months!!

I feel very removed from my friends and the endurance world right now. Everyone is talking of big dreams and goals for the upcoming year. I am starting to enjoy my runs here and there again, but the idea of racing and "training" is so much for me. I feel like Maverick from "Top Gun" right now. I have lost the edge. My motivation to run is there, but to compete and all that jazz, yuck! I just pushed myself through nursing school and realized I am ready to decompress not re-compress with a new stressors. Hopefully, my racing motivation will return by April 18, 2011.

Over the last few weeks, I have really cut back on my studying, tried to go to bed earlier and myabe even sneak in a few extra minutes of fun. I have slowly started to realize somethings in my life must change. I am so excited to become a nurse and get a job, hopefully in oncology. I still have my work cut out for me with finals in 2 weeks and the infamous NCLEX exam for licensure, before it's official but I am definitely ready for this challenge!! I just can't see myself failing, so I say bring it!! I worked too hard for this one and I know I can do this :)

Results are in -- It's da' bomb

2010-11-20T08:43:00.000-08:00

I pulled out all B's on my exams. The first line defense was SSRIs, but because they take 4-6 weeks to work benzodiazepines are given immediately. I got it right, but personally I think that question is bull. What am I saying, I think they are all bull. The question about the patient having the acute myocardial infarction, should not try to pull himself up in bed. It could make his heart explode. He should just lay there and wait for help. Finally, the math answer is 8.4 or rounded is 8 ml/hr. Thankfully, I have not missed any of the math.

However, this week included another critical care exam that I nearly failed. I have been so tired and unmotivated to do anything the past two weeks. I came home from clinicals and finally got in a run, only to fall asleep and get in no studying for the exam. I also received my paper grade that my instructor had said not to put too much effort into with a really terrible grade on it. I was mad at myself for putting so little effort into it, but I was a little pissed at him to for saying not to worry about it! What the heck does he want? I am just so frustrated and tired of nursing school. I am contemplating quitting every other minute. I am burned out and after the last test, which hopefully I didn't miss any math on, I am done. It's like the last few miles of the marathon for me. I just want it over. I don't care anymore. I hate worrying that every time I have a test I will ruin my grade and fail. December 15th can't come soon enough.

Trailin'

2010-11-12T13:43:00.000-08:00

I barely have time to keep the last breath of life into this blog and wrtie about things I am doing and I find of interest. That said there is just no way I am going to write a paper on the roles of the certified nurse midwife pretty much from start to finish in less than 8 hours. I got nothing. After, last weeks life sucking saga, I just had the wind knocked out of me. It's like running a marathon on Sunday and then taking no time off to recover.

Speaking of running, even with last weeks craziness, I managed to get out for 3 runs/week for the last 3 weeks. Shocking, I know. I have slowly been morphing into what feels like a large mass of blob. I can literally feel my love handles, pulling on my skin as they hang off me, likethe way the last drop of maple syrup hangs on the bottle before you re-cap it. Anyway, graduation is only 26 light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel days away and then bring on normalcy.

I had been part of the CRTR running group on FB for about 2 years now and never found the time or cared to check it out, but after digging myself out of the hell hole that is nursing research, I committed myself to meeting Solar Squirrel at lock 29 last night -- no backing out now. Studying had taken such a precedent and time-consuming necessity this last semester, that I started to look forward to urges to go pee, just to have a good reason to break away from it, if only for a few minutes.

I had run the day before and hard, for me anyway and I had taken a 2.3 (per Garmin) trot around the neighbor hood earlier in the day with Bailey. As you can see, this is how he spends the majority of the day guarding the house.

I figured 5 easy miles on the trail with some good running people would be just what I needed to recharge for my research paper and nursing process recording. It was completely dark, but with over 30 people, there were plenty of lights. I was nervous about the pace, but JC, said even out of shape I wouldn't have any trouble with this group, but I found out the route was more like 8ish miles and that is almost a long run for me these days. Solar and I started running together with Spiderman (her beau) and about 8-10 others ahead of us. We did about 1.5 miles on the towpath and road before we started the ascent. We had been chit-chatting and catching-up, but I could feel myself getting tired on the hill and made mention I was probably gonna have to slow. Surprisingly, SS said "me too" (truthfully, I think she was just keeping me company). The front of the group broke away and we couldn't see them and there was the majority behind us, so we ended up running in a group of about 8. We never got lost for more than a 100 meters or so and I only fell once. We ended up rolling through 8+ miles in no time and I was bummed it was over so soon, but excited to continue my fun night out at the Winking Lizard with old friends and new ones.

I really want to try and attend this group again soon, but with another exam next Friday morning in critical care and Thanksgiving the following Thursday, it looks like I will have to wait a few weeks.

Hell Week

2010-11-07T17:45:00.000-08:00

It's over. I had known this week was coming for 10 weeks, but couldn't even think about it for fear I might break down crying, quit or just start screaming and pulling at my hair. I know it seems like it's just school and school is easy right, but nursing school is unlike any other. You can study, study, study and still NOT get it. It is absolutely imperative you train your brain to think in a critical manner, based on the over abundant information they try to smash into your brain. An example of a critical thinking question that I missed on my last exam was ...

The patient is having an acute myocardial infarction, which of the following would be the worst thing for him to be doing...

a. Sitting in a chair for 30 minutes
b. Getting up out of Bed
c. Eating
d. Bathing

Go ahead, post your answers (heck include your ratioionale for why if you like) and I will let ya know in my next post, or post nothing and just wait for the answer.

Monday I had my first exam in Leadership which was fairly easy to pass. It's not a matter of understanding the material, it's a matter of finding time to look it over. Tuesday, I spent the morning with the crazies at Metro on the 6th floor dealing with a patient who tried to kill himself by swallowing a bottle of seroquil and a fifth of vodka because he felt he was useless and couldn't do anything right (had to laugh at the thought that he couldn't even kill himself right -- I know terrible thought, but I had it nonetheless). Wednesday, I took my second exam in psych, which I studied the hardest for and did the worst on. I think the class has too many instructors with different points of view and criteria and we are all just a little lost. A prime example is a powerpoint slide in our notes looks like this...

BIOLOGICAL INTERVENTIONS FOR ANXIETY

SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors)
- produce anxiolytic effects by increasing the transmission of serotonin by blocking serotonin reuptake at the presynaptic cleft; take about 2-4 weeks to work
Benzodiazepines
-the most commonly used medications for panic disorder even though SSRIs are recommended for first-line treatment; they are fast acting and usually given first

THE QUESTION
Which of the following drugs is used as a first line intervention for anxiety?
a. Benzodiazepines
b. SNRIs
c. SSRIs
d. Alcohol

We find out the answer on Wednesday, and I picked SSRI's, but half the people picked Benzos because that is what is given right away and most often. So, the real question is what the heck does "first line intervention mean?"

Thursday, I had to get to Marymount for critical care by 6:45am, so I was exhausted from only 4 hours of sleep and I had to do six medicaiton sheets on drugs and their effects and things the nurse needs to watch so she doesn't kill her patient like labs for blood, liver and kidney toxicity, urine output. An example, lopressor is a beta-blocker, usually given to patients who have hypertension, but if at 0900 you are scheduled to give the guy his meds and his heartrate is less than 55 beats per minute and his BP is 120/80, if you give it you will probably just put the poor guy into cardiogenic shock or damn near close, so as a nurse pay attention!! My first week my patient had coded twice, once less than 24 hours before I was assigned to her and had a transvenous pacer and a transcutaneous pacer keeping her going along with a nice little endotracheal tube and a ventilator to help her breathe with vasopressors and propafol. The code cart was in front of my door and I can't say I wasn't scared shitless my patient was gonna punch her ticket on my shift and freak me the hell out. Thankfully, she made it through and so did I. This week my patient was cake compared to her. He was even awake and could talk to me a little, so I was able to take some time to actually learn how to do central venous monitoring, using the phlebostatic axis. The poor guy had some bad scrotal edema (BEWARE!) and kept telling me "my balls hurt!" so every 2 hours I was pushing 3 mg of morpine in his IV and telling him to "stop touching your balls then." He was too funny. We managed to get out on time at 5:30 pm on the dot. I hurried home, already exhausted and managed to force myself to listen to audio lectures and cram for my critical care exam until 2:00 am before I couldn't keep my eyes open. I set my alarm for 6:30 am and managed to drag myself out of bed for another hour and a half of studying before heading out for the last of my three exams. I wasn't even panicked at this point. I was just exhasuted and knew by 10:30 am, pass or fail it would be over. The last test I took this week consisted of 50 questions 5 med math that you must work out yourself with no choices. There are 5 on each of the 3 exams and you can only miss 2 or you fail and you have to take the "Save My Ass Exam" immediately after the final exam which is 15 quesitons that you get 30 minutes to do. If you fail again, you fail the class. Two weeks ago my classmate told me how she had to take it and another girl in the traditional program sitting next to her had failed for the second time. She just broke down crying in class, knowing she had just failed the class and would have to take it all over again because of 15 math questions. An example question looks like this...

Your patient is in CHF (congestive heart failure) and is place on a nesiritide (Natrecor) drip. Nesiritude 1.5 mg is mixed in 250 ml of normal saline. A continuous infusion is ordered to run at 0.01 mcg/kg/min. The patient weighs 185 lbs. At what infusion rate should you set the IV pump? Answer will be in ml/hr.

Now, these are really just means extremes problems once you get everything into kg. or mcg. or mg. what ever you are using, but all the stress of failing builds up on you. I never did the math to figure out how many I needed right to maintain a passing grade in a class until nursing school. Needless to say, I passed and by 1:00 pm me and 10 of my classmates trekked to the bar to celebrate living through hell week. I have no more exams until finals now, one big paper and about 8 small ones and then it's done. It's really done. I will be through the hardest academic challenge of my life. I don't really believe graduation is only 5 weeks away, but it is. It was way harder than any marathon I ever had to do and at times felt quite comparable to a some distorted version of hell, but my classmates and I (most of us anyway) survived it.

We did as Winston Churchill had advised..."When you are going through hell, keep going!!!"

Exit Externship :(

2010-10-19T20:28:00.000-07:00

Well, it's over and it hasn't even been a week and I miss it already. I feel like I learned more in 120 hours of my externship than I did in all of nursing school. I am sure the truth is it just all finally started to come together for me.

I feel my preceptors were wonderful. They always provided feedback good and bad, but never in a condescending way and kept pushing me to take on more patients and nursing skills, even though at times I felt unprepared. I enjoyed the one on one experience much more with my nurse as she was there initially to guide me and help me get into good habits.

This rotation finally removed some of the doubts I had about my abilities as a competent nurse and replaced it with some confidence. I learned even if I don't know something, I have become independent enough to find the solution. My last 40 hours I was pretty much on my own, unless I needed medications out of the pixis or chemotherapy or blood were needed. My preceptor had thought I was proficient enough at pushing Zofran in an IV and I felt confident too. My last day I went to push some in a patient's IV and noticed it was D5 and not normal saline. I was quite unsure of the compatibility and did as I was instructed since day one. I was honest. I told the patient I was unsure of the compatibility and I wanted to check before I killed him. He laughed and thanked me for thinking of him. I left and checked -- they were not compatible. I was so glad I had trusted myself and admitted I didn't know! I went back stopped the pump, clamped the line flushed it with normal saline, pushed the Zofran and flushed it again with normal saline before starting the pump back up. I was so elated, I had not hurt my patient, maybe I could do this.

My second to last day had been very hectic. I got behind on my medications and my documenting, even one of my assessments wasn't done until 11:00am because the patient had been off the unit for a few hours. I tried to manage my time wisely, but every time I went to document, someone needed a medication or an IV was beeping or people wanted discharge. I didn't get frazzled, just realized I couldn't keep up. My two main priorities became getting a patient discharged and getting a sent tray for a patient that had one meal in two days due to NPO status that had been waiting for it for 4 hours! Needless to say the secretary had put in the tray for dinner and although we had ordered it at 2:30 pm and called four times it didn't arrive until I finally went upstairs to the pantry to personally pick it up. I left wondering why I had such a hard time taking care of my three patients. My only plan was, if I was waiting for chemo to be checked or hung or something else I couldn't participate in, I would be documenting, instead of standing and watching.

Friday, my last day, I went in and had two of the same patients and one new admit. It was by far, undoubtedly my best day of time management ever. I had everything done and nearly all my documenting with the exception of one patient note before noon. I couldn't believe it! I stayed past my 120th hour. I wanted to discharge a 57 year old woman with brain cancer and metastasis to the liver that had just signed a DNR the night before and was going home to brother-in-laws and sister's house with hospice care. The doctors explained to her that because her radiation was so recent another dose. It would undoubtedly cause necrosis of her brain tissue and the treatment would be as disabling as the disease. She and her sister gave me and my preceptor so many hugs as they left. They thanked us for all the wonderful care and support and all I could think was "that's it, that's all I can do and it's not enough." It was very hard to watch her get on the elevator and leave knowing that she was not going to beat her cancer.

My drive home was full of reflection about how much I had enjoyed the patient's, the nurses, everything about G-70, about how much I had learned and how much better I felt about maybe calling myself a nurse soon. I had had an awesome experience and could only hope to be lucky enough to go back as an employee after graduation.

Bowman Cup 5k - A Race Report???

2010-10-10T08:16:00.000-07:00

Running had been a little bit better than non-existant for me the last few weeks, which was definitely helping me manage my anxiety over school. I felt pretty slow and not at all light on my feet, course I am carrying around an extra 10lbs. right now.

A few of my classmates were planning to run the Bowman Cup 5k this year and although I wanted to run it I was hesitant because I have absolutely no money and my leg and foot are so sketchy. I was surpised when I received a confirmation email that said I was running a few days earlier. One of my friends had secretly tried to sign me up -- he is too nice! So a racin' I would go!!

The race had record numbers and it started later than scheduled. I had to stand in line for about 10 minutes and ended up getting in absolutely no warm-up.

My classmates and I all stood together at the start, but when the gun went off KS shot out so fast I lost her right away and MV was somewhere behind me. I made it about a quarter mile out and realized I was way too fast. I pulled up and did my best to stop pushing. I regained my breathing and watched a lot of people run ahead of me. I knew I wouldn't run anywhere close to my time last year. I looked over to see MV had actually caught and passed me just a tad at the .5 mile mark. Wow, had I slowed down that much? I caught him and we ran together to the first mile marker. The timer shouted 7:26, 7:27, :28, I sighed because I was about where I thought I would be and also because last year I ran that first mile in 6:45.

MV continued to stay with me to the 1.5 mile marker and I couldn't help but be so impressed by his performance. He usually runs in the 8:20 range or higher, but then it happened, he started to fade. I made a decision right then to stop running my race. I wasn't gonna PR, but MV had a great shot at it! I also felt flat and was nervous about my leg. I started talking to him about relaxing his form and joking that KS was only a little ahead of us and she was hurting and we could keep the gap to a minimum. Initially, he tried to wave me off to go on without him, but my mind was made up. I wasn't going without him. We hit mile 2 at 8:06.

The next mile wound up the bike and hike path back onto campus. I remembered last year that I had been so shocked at how much harder the course had gotten for me at that point. MV definitely, felt the inclines. I told him to run the tangents and started swearing at him that for 8:00 measly minutes of his life all he had to do was run and then it would be over. He was pushing himself so hard to get that PR. We made back onto the road and I kept trying to pull him along, saying "4:00 minutes MV, 4:00 more f*ckin' minutes! Come on!!!" We made the last climb and he hit his next gear. I was yelling at him "Yeah, hell yeah, you got this, just get to the intersection." The intersection was about 150 meters from the finish. I kept thinking if he can just get to tthe intersection he'll be golden.

We crossed the intersection and could see the finish balloons. There was a young girl just ahead of us coming up on the finish. I yelled at MV "come on you can get her!!" He found his next gear, the girl ahead heard me and turned to look back at us. We caught her, but she wasn't giving up, she hit her next gear too. She pushed forward and I yelled "yeah, come with us, don't let him have it!!" It was a great battle to the finish. I was so pumped to see two people pushing themselves to the finish. The girl ended up getting MV by one step. His last 1.1 was 9:37. He had fought so hard and he was rewarded with a new PR!! I was so proud of him. He finished in 25:17. I crossed right behind him in 25:18.

KS had won her age group with a 22:08 averaging 6 miles a week and also being 5lbs heavier -- the girl has so much potential!

I finished feeling really good. I didn't get a great gauge of my fitness, but the 8:09 pace definitely, didn't hurt me. I never felt anywhere near tempo effort, so that was a good sign. I went home and ran another 4 miles just to stretch out my legs after breakfast, since my feet and my hamstring were naggingly tight. I am limping today thought (Maybe, it's time I go to the doctor).

I know I was supposed to race, but sometimes being a member of a race team isn't always about racing for me. Sometimes I feel it's about inspiring and swearing at someone, witnessing a new runner's PR and that is worth so much more than an age group/overall win or my own PR.

Electrified Mania

2010-10-03T14:29:00.000-07:00

My favorite time of year has come, fall, when the leaves are so colorful, the temperature is perfect and I can eat lots of candy leading up to and after Halloween. The only problem is the pain in my left heel, just wont heal and the nagging pain that gets very sharp and painful if I overdue it in my hamstring, still lingers. Not being able to run anymore would probably cause me to commit a felony of some kind, so the last 3 weeks I have been gingerly trudging around my neighborhood for a half hour most days of the week with my favorite 7.5 mile jaunt on Sunday. I am completely avoiding hills since it aggravates the heel, but a few false flats here and there seem to be doable.

Today I started out extremely tentative and careful on what I hoped would be my longest run since Muncie. I made it out about 3 miles before that electrified feeling hit me. I was overjoyed as I had missed that second wind, tingling, ready to go get 'em sensation, I so often felt on my runs last year. I opened it up a little and felt awesome, a big smile on my face as I pressed on down Pettibone Road. I started thinking about psych class and how people with bipolar disorder loved their manic states because it was such a high and they felt so strong, even at times invincible -- that was how I felt in those next 5 miles today. My runner's high was my manic state and I loved every second of it. I made it home rolling though 9 gloriously kick ass mile, feeling great with only minor and completely manageable pain in my feet and no biting pain in the hamstring.

The Blog Is NOT Dead

2010-09-26T18:21:00.000-07:00

Good grief where have the last few weeks of my life gone? Every semester, I had hoped it would get easier and every semester it gets crazier. The tests are the same, but now we have so many self-reflection projects to incorporate into our analysis of the nursing process and research articles utilizing evidence based practice, not to mention trying to remember how long I can leave a peripheral line in a patients arm, all the while hoping for an order to extend and STOP!! JUST STOP, I keep telling myself, but I can't. Every time I turn around it is another new assignment.

School has now incorporated mandatory attendance for classes that talk about the most exciting things like malpractice and managment theories. It is like being at the superbowl. Very exciting!! NOT!!

My psych rotation completely blows ass! I feel most of the patient's are a bunch of sissy bitches that just want to utilize the fact that they drink or beat their families because they can't HTFU and make the necessary choices not to be an asshole. We have a ton of patients who are "suicidal," but yet they are full codes. Really? Do you wanna die or not? I had one patient who has tried to kill himself more than ten times, yet he refuses to take depacot because his lab results have shown liver toxicity in the past. Again really? You can't live without a liver, you wanna die, so why do you care? In my non-psychiatric opinion, I feel he just wants attention. I bet if someone were to stick him in the electric chair and threaten to throw the switch he would change his mind about dying. Needless to say I have little tolerance for this rotation as we don't actually cure or fix these patients. We take care of them for a few days and try to get them to at least pretend they are sane and then send them back out there until they come back again in a few months. We also had a disgruntled HIV black male patient who was racist and they wanted one of us to take him. Hell No!! All that guy has to do is get pissed off and bite me and then I have HIV too. As a lowly nursing student, I definitely have the right to refuse to provide care to some people -- him being one of them!

On the flip side oncology is just beyond rockin' right now for me. I don't care for the 4:50 am wake up calls 2-3 days a week, but the work itself is very rewarding. My preceptor is awesome. At first she gave me the most difficult patient (the one with the most problems or needed the most care), but now I am up to two paitents, so she lets me pick which cases I want to deal with. I usually take the hardest patient and an easy one. I have definitely had to learn to manage my care on the floor or I would never be able to care for more than one patient at a time. I felt strange being only a nursing student and delegating to a paid patient care nursing assistant things such as vital signs, intakes and outputs, mobility and feeding instructions, but that is supposedly one of the pitfalls of a new grad -- trying to do everything themselves and not knowing how to delegate, thus resulting in less quality care for the patient, so bossy it is :) While I feel it is not my job to do those things, it is my responsibility to make sure they are done. I had a hard time trying to figure out how to tie in all this leadership and management with my patients at first because I was so busy worrying about tasks, such as a head-to-toe assessment and what to look for (e.g. edematous patient, check for crackles in lungs, JVD, capillary refill, tingling or numbness in extremities or immobile, does he have DVT's, is he on heparin, does he use incentive spirometry is he using the deep breath and cough method...oh the list goes on and yet there are probably tons of things I am missing), grabbing a refill of water for a patient, or just plain old utilizing my therapeutic communication skills to listen to the patient's concerns, I had no time to reflect of even sit down to eat lunch on the first two shifts.

The chemotherapy regiments are about 4-5 days with bags being hung consecutively every 12 hours. Some require two IV lines such as, Fluoracil and CISplatin because they are incompatible while others need administration of a rescue after, such as Leucovoren, which acts as a toxicity prophylaxis for those given methotrexate. Cancer is not just cancer on this floor. It is accompanied by complications such as neutropenic fever, imbalanced nutrition, especially if the cancer is esophageal. Some of the patients have a corpak because they have dyspahgia and are at a high risk for aspiration. One patient had radiation on his throat and had very visible blue radiation marks along with what looked like the worst sun burn ever. He was prescribed aquaphor for his neck and a warm soak to maintain the skin integrity and minimize discomfort.

My second week we moved from one unit to another. The nurse manager on our floor is no doubt a leader in a management position. I was able to observe her interactions with directors, nurses and construction workers as to what the most effective and time saving way to safely move patients who could walk, needed a wheelchair or were completely bedridden. The nursing managner and the assistant nurse manager spent about thirty minutes developing a floor plan on which patients to move first and which room to assign them to. They split the nursing staff up into teams of those who would be sending the patients and those who would be receiving patients. I was on the receiving end. I escorted patients to their new room and plugged in their IVs, put the bed in lowest position and made sure some, but not all the side rails were up, as that is a restraint, unless they do it. As time wore on our nurse manager felt it wise to take a "time out" and confirm all patients were safe and in their assigned rooms and continuity of care was being maintained. It was very organized.

Unfortunately, with all this nursing there is just not enough time to jump on the "train" wagon. Hopefully, once I get some of these crazy projects off my plate and meetings out of the way I will be able to do a few things in the upcoming weeks. Either way this is all gonna end in 12 weeks. I can't believe it. It seemed just yesterday I started this and to think it's almost over, at least the school part will be. It looks like I wont be able to take my boards until late January or early February and then I can get a big person job!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy cow, I am so close I can taste it....mmmmmmmmmm, mmmmmmm, mmmmmmmm :)

The Heroic Comeback of a Lame Duck!!

2010-09-13T17:48:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been 5 months since my feet and my left hamstring started bugging me and they STILL do. I am just beside myself with this one. I stopped running, did nothing, switched to cycling for exercise and added more strength training than ever in the last 4 weeks and no changes.

I dread going to the doctor and having them say I need physical therapy that will probably cost me $50 a visit out of pocket even with my insurance. Not to mention I don't even have time for it with my schedule or even worse they will tell me my hamstring has just been beaten up so badly I am looking at a walker in a few years (LOL).

Anyway, after studying pretty much all day yesterday and following some stellar performances at Rev3 I feel renewed with hope. Hope that by next spring I can either run the Boston Marathon or team up with Daisy for what promises to be the most painful experience yet!! What to do...What to do.....???

Either way this lame duck has gotta try and fly again soon.

Riding Dirty soon to be White and Nerdy

2010-08-27T09:27:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe my 3 weeks hiatus from hell, errr I mean KSU is nearly at an end. It went by so much faster than I would have imagined (DRAT!!).

After the last race I ran, I had resolved to taking some time off in hopes my hamstring and foot would heal up and feel better. It's definitely improved, but it's only been 2 weeks so I am still anti-running at least through September. However, I committed myself to at least cycle as much as my butt would tolerate.

Last week I spent 4 days riding 88 hot, sweaty, spandexy miles mostly through Aurora and Shalersville. AH even came out one night and dragged me through a hard 24.5 miles. I normally ride this route between 17.5-19.5 mph, but his easy cadence of 80ish made me feel slow and I desperately tried to hang on his wheel saying to myself "No chain motherf*cker, No chain" just like Lance Armstrong does. I was rewarded with my fastest time ever 20.5 mph...WOOT!!!

I was hoping to break 100 miles for the week but really who makes plans and sticks to them when you are on vacation??? Instead of a nice 2 hour ride on Sunday AH and I ate wings and cheese fries, watched Avatar and Terminator Salvation and pretty much spent the day laying around. It helped that my "brittany" as some call it was super sore and chafed from all the miles of riding.

This week I managed to get out for my loop on Monday at a hard effort and rolled through at 19.4 mph all by myself. My butt was still sore, so I started applying Neosporin to the area as the chafing resulted in some unspeakable nastiness. The good news is the lymph nodes down there that usually swell were NOT swollen. Yes, I know perhaps this is a gross and dirty conversation, but I can't be the only girl that this has ever happened to!

Tuesday, I chose a nice hilly route that had some nice climbs in Bentlyville and I switch backed a couple roads up and out of Chagrin River Road. I only managed 17.8 mph, but I just wanted to make all the climbs, while preventing my heart from exploding out of my chest. The Neosporin had definitely helped, but the bumps on the way home up Liberty were certainly a bitch!!

Wednesday I rested and yesterday, while I was hoping AH wanted to come over and ride again, he texted me saying he was feeling fluish. Great! I was on my own until I remember BH led a ride out of LifeTime. They were planning to ride 25 miles, so I told him I would pick them up at Hawthorne and Sulpher Springs. I got there in about 28 minutes and kind of rode around in a small loop waiting for them. It was less than 10 minutes before him DM and 3 other guys came flying by! I told him I could ride almost 18 mph through the hills and he said I would be fine, but as they flew by I hammered to try and catch them. There was no pace line and it seemed every man for himself. I guess some etiquette rules were being broken and some "man" stuff was going on as we raced up Chagrin River Road. It was okay BH helped me out by letting me act like a leach and stick to his wheel. I had picked them up at about 8.5 miles into the ride around 7pm, so I knew I would have to ride HARD to beat the darkness home. We rode up to Berkshire where the ride was meant to go but DM basically called BH out to ride up Old Mill and since I was the only girl, well I wasn't taking the easy way out and hung on BH's wheel until the climb started. DM is way too fast for me and he suggested we take it in our easiest gear and ride it like a hill should be ridden. That sounded like a great plan. I got dropped by the 3 guys, but that was by far the best I had ever climbed Old Mill. I wasn't hurting or out of breathe. It was about 7:40pm. We were running out of time. I figured I had until 8:30pm to make it home. We rode down Gates Mills to Brainard and then to Harvard where they split off. DM and BH were worried offering me a ride home in a car, but come on!! I knew what I was getting into. I checked my computer. I was at 25 miles in 1:29:xx. It was time to GO!! I turned my ipod back on and just started jamming on the bike. It is completely flat or downhill with the exception of one climb up Miles Road. I just kept pushing and thinking "Go you p*ssy!!, Go!!" It was nearly dark I had to take off my sunglasses, not to mention I could feel the air temperature dropping. I hammered away until I pulled in the drive in less than 35 minutes. I checked my computer...38.1 miles total. Holy cow!! That was a race pace for me (and yes it felt like it too).

Hopefully, I will be able to get in a few more rides this weekend, along with working Friday, Saturday and Sunday (LAME!!).

And then Monday, it starts again. I can't believe it's been a year already and I am in my last semester. I miss my classmates and without them I would not have made it this far, but the amount of studying and research, not too mention test after test after test...yuck!! It will certainly be the hardest semester thus far, but this time off has really de-stressed me and I know I can hang in there for 16 weeks...or there is always the alternative

Either way I am gonna have to HTFU!!!

Twilight Trail Run by Team HTFU!

2010-08-20T11:55:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I do this race. It is always very humid and hot and I always struggle to the point wear I have puked during the race and after through the years. It always seems like most of my girlfriends do it and it's a nice chance to see them (especially after being so off the radar with school for a year) so I just get sucked in.

I really wanted to do this race with JP and the girls. Although, not being the fastest team out there the bandanas, sunglasses and pink HTFU t-shirts would undoubtedly get a few questions and some laughs. It had been about 2-3 weeks since I had done anything. I hadn't swam or biked since Muncie and after one good week of 38 miles my left hamstring and heel were just destroyed. However,I had made my decision, I would run the race with JP and then call it quits until October or November on the running front.

I got to the race super early and although I didn't need a warm-up I was talked into 2 super hot and sweaty miles. My HTFU t-shirt was soaked with sweat by the time I was done and the bugs were already coming after me. Two of my classmates running under the team name "Kenny Rogers Chickeneers" had come out, so I was excited to see them and thankful they had bug spray.

Our wave started at 9:00 minutes in and I had every intention of taking it out slow until about 1.5 miles and just running smoothly from that point on. My effort felt okay all the way to the hill and then I ran as much as I could before power walking the second half to the top. When I reached the top I walked a bit longer as it is a false flat before re-grouping and picking it back up. Mile 1 was so incredibly long, I thought for sure it hadn't been marked, but then at 10:24 I saw it. OUCH!!

My achilles and my hamstring were just screaming at me from all the uphill and I felt hot and nauseated. Wow, was I paying for it. I started smiling though, thinking this half of Team HTFU needs to harden up a little for sure. I had lost sight of all my friends and just kept plodding along thinking I really should not have run those 2 miles for a warm-up.

Each mile took forever and I never got that feeling of am I gonna vomit or not to go away. I just kept thinking 49 minutes max it would be over...keep going. It seemed after the first mile I ran between 9:00-10:00 pace. As I was running down the big down hill I passed a woman who was walking and she slipped and scared the crap out of me. I asked her if she was okay and she responded with "yep, that's why I walk this down hill."

I was almost done and when I saw mile 4 just passed the castle I was relieved, less than a mile to go. I had nothing in my tank, but I had nothing from the start, so what did it matter? SL ran me down and we exchanged words of encouragement with each other before he broke away. I couldn't wait to stop and catch my breath and have this feeling of puking everywhere pass! When we popped out of the woods I forgot we had to run a zig-zag back to the finish and I was definitely thinking "F*CK!!" But I did it of course, and as I ran across the field to the finish I heard my friends cheering for me. I crossed the finish in 48:41 and walked right over to the woods where I dry heaved for a few minutes before heading back down to join my friends. The feeling of puking subsided as I recovered, but it never totally went away that night. My leg was completely trashed though and it hurt like a mother.

It seemed most of my friends had done really well. E-speed and NC winning 1st in the female team division with Daisy and ET 2nd, BS had of course won the 1st place male. My teammate, who was running a good hard pace still finished really well (not a shocker - GO JP!!!) and although "2 Slow 4 Elizabeth" didn't place as a team I think they might have quite possibly come up with the BEST team name EVER....hahahaha!

Therapy in Mamby Pamby Land

2010-08-03T09:43:00.000-07:00

Anybody need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on? This guy reminds me of my mom.

Blood Work

2010-07-29T21:32:00.000-07:00

I had quite a headache all day at clinicals, but managed to not let it distract me from one of the most hands-on clinicals I have had thus far. It started off rough with my grandma dying in the first week and having 3 case studies, a nursing profile for a client having a pulmonary embolism and a concept map on a patient with lymphangitis cellulitis and 2 quizzes to make-up, but it all worked out.

Our rotation was only 6 weeks. I missed week one, but week two had my first patient refuse medication and got to pull out a central line. The central line is just insane. Its basically an IV that runs directly into your subclavian vein, which feeds directly into the vena cave, which feeds into the right atrium of the heart! Crazy to be that clos to it! The patient had been unable to eat due to stomach cancer and we were running total parenteral nutrition (TPN) right into his blood vessels. Removing it is quite simple, the patient turns his ahead away from the line, he holds his breath and you just pull it out -- it's a rush for a nursing student.

**This is not my patient, just a pic I found**

Week 2, they sent me off to "convenient care" which is like outpatient oncology, but that day all my patients were anything but. My first two patients had kidney failure and needed bi-weekly injections of procrit or aricept, which is just two different brands of erythropoetin. The kidney also have the responsibility of making RBCs and obviously when they quit working RBC production becomes inhibited. I was able to give both shots in the deltoid -- thankfully, most IM's are given in the deltoid or the vastus lateralis. The butt is usually a last resort (whewww!). Then I had 2 patients with peripherally inserted central lines (PICC), which start somewhere in the upper arm and are threaded up and through to the subclavian again and into the heart.

These people had IV antibiotics for a few months, so they needed to be cleaned and have a dressing change. A peripheral IV is only good for 72 hours and having to be re-stuck every couple days would just suck. These were much more realistic. A patient with an insanely low blood count came in for 2 units of PRBC and so I watched a blood draw (or 3 for that matter as this patient's veins just ran away from the needle every time it seemed). We finally got it and it was cross-typed and matched and for the next couple hours I monitored her VS (specifically for hypertension) as that is a common side effect of the transfusions, not to mention she was hypertensive anyway. After that, a patient managed to rip a saline locked IV out of his upper arm while eating and got blood everywhere before we finally managed to re-dressed and cleaned it up.

Week 3, was dealing with all the other bodily fluids as my patient was end-stage alzheimer's and had lost the ability to swallow. Eating had become impossible and with a hiatal hernia, successful placement of a g-tube or peg tube was impossible, so she ended up with a j-tube, which I found out you do NOT check the residual on. I was worried about running too much isosource as the pump was 35ml/hour continuous, but was told I would know if it wasn't being tolerated because, well everyone knows what happens when you eat too many oreos or corn right?

Needless to say, I will never be a GI nurse of any kind. I spend half my time trying not to vomit and the other half of the time holding my breath when dealing with patients who are inconinent, but I know I am a super hero because I willingly do that stuff!! I had also willingly volunteered to take on a second patient that was MRDD and had to take about 8 oral meds. I ended up doing one at a time hidden in small bites of his breakfast tray, starting with the smallest and working my way up to the horse pill sized ones. My instructor actually gave me 4's for the day, which is above satisfactory, so YEAH!!! She even stated she only gives \3's (satisfactory) unless something very exceptional occurs, so BOOOOYAAAHHHH for me!!

Today, was my last day there on the floor and we were told it was exceptionally, slow and there weren't enough patients for all of us. I volunteered to go back to convenient care and work and as a result she told me since I worked with two patients last week to go on down to the heart failure clinic. SWEET!!! I hate standing around at clinicals, even if there is absolutely nothing to do, I still feel guilty. Heart failure was definitely different. My first patient needed Lasix IV push (4ml over 2 minutes) and then 2ml and hour for 4 hours on an IV pump. It was nothing knew, but each pump is different and it's always nice to brush up on skills to clear the lines and access the ports correctly. They were having a slow day too, but it was still more action packed than upstairs as I had 4 patients coming in needing blood draws for BMPs, PTs, BNPs you name it. I had only started an IV and accessed a med-port one time, so using a butterfly needle and finding veins, followed by doing a blood draw was exciting and new! It may not seem like it, but sticking a needle in a teeny-tiny vein, without missing and miniminzing the discomfort of the patient is very nerve racking for me. Not to mention when every patient you have says "I have really hard veins to get blood out of" it definitely makes me a little doubtful of my skills. My first patient I was told to go for a little vein on the dorsal side of the hand. I know I hit the damn thing, but it ran away from me and I got no flash. I was disappointed, but my instructor told me not to worry that patient was indeed a hard stick. None of my patients had pretty veins just popping up in there antecubes for me, but I successfully nailed the rest on the first try. My confidence with blood and needles was definitely boosted after today's handy work.

Now, I have 4 more days of school and the "Dog Days" of summer finally begin for me after 7 long, intense months of school. I only need a 59 on my final exam to pass, so you can only imagine how confident I am. I feel like a senior in high school again, just itching for the end of school. Although, it's only 3 weeks off. I plan on enjoying every minute before I start my last semester of school. It's so crazy I am almost 3/4 done. It seemed like just yesterday, I was sitting in orientation wondering what I was getting myself into. I know the hardest is yet to come, but hopefully, these few weeks off will allow me to re-charge and hang in there until December 17th.

Johnny Cake 5 mile

2010-07-25T20:21:00.000-07:00

This is the 4th time I have run this race (I think). I ran my 2nd fastest time unintentionally on the course, which sounds good but the truth is the other times were when my anemia was in full effect.

It had only been one week since the half ironman and my workouts consisted of 6 miles of running in 2 days. I was super excited and stoked I would undoubtedly PR (NOT!). I had worked late like usual Friday and Saturday night, so draggin my ass out of bed at 6:30am to drive to Mentor/Painesville was almost as hard as the 5th mile of the race that day, but this was a big race for my team and I felt obligated to participate. I love Achilles, the owners are personal friends and wonderful runners themselves.

I arrived at 8:00am with only 30 minutes to grab my packet and go to the bathroom (OF COURSE!), but the line was huge. I was out and on my way to the start line by about 8:25. The weather was way too hot for me. I had no intention of doing a warm-up. Five miles would be plenty for me. I felt run down and knew I had a fun, fun day of studying ahead of me. I did see BD and E-speed right before the start and got to wish them both luck. It seemed we all new the weather was going to make this race a little more miserable than usual.

When the race started, everyone took off...FAST! I got passed and passed. My main goal was to negative split every mile (except for 2, which has the hill). I figured starting off at a slower than normal effort would ensure my plan.

Mile 1 was tight with all the construction barrels and I heard the timer yell out "8:12!!" Eeeeekkkk!!! I could only laugh at my suckiness. Between the heat, my lack of training and my poopedness -- I was literally a "hot mess."

Mile 2 has the only climb in the race and I took it nice and easy. Some people around me charged up the hill like angry bulls and others were breathing like they were in labor. I wasn't doing either so I took that as a sign that I was right where I needed to be. The timer called out "16:30" Sweet 8:18 for that mile. I was only 6 seconds slower with the hill, but wait no, no, no that split sucks too.

I kept thinking I did 20 milers at these paces in the spring (course it was in the 30s and 40s and I was 8 lbs lighter and I was running 50 mpw -- excuses, excuses, excuses).

Mile 3 was flat and slightly downhill with some shade (two of my favorite things). I saw some of the Mentor cross country girls and one of the parents and I waved and yelled "You guys should be running and suffering too!!" They replied with lots of cheers and smiles for me. Mile 3 I think was 24:35, so my split was 8:05, the time was coming down just as planned.

Mile 4 was forgetable and in the sun and where you begin the long deadly, hot run down Mentor Avenue to the finish and can only think "one more to go after this." Timer number 4 shouts "32:33", doing the math in my head I realized that was a 7:58. Finally a sub-8:00. I was wondering if there were any in my legs today.

The last mile was the least painful 5th mile I have ever run on this course. I was running people down one at a time and using that to help stay focused. I forgot to mention how I had poured water on myself twice during the race to keep cool. My mom was out of town and not home to remind me that morning to put body glide along my chest where my sports bra rubs and I could feel a burning pain where I had already chafed that morning. I could see the banner in the distance and passed the 880 marker and then the 440 marker. I was almost done when a kid next to me started dry heaving. It was absolutely repulsive and after dealing with vomit, urine and feces at clinicals I wasn't up for it today, so I picked up the pace and purposefully pulled away from the pukemeister. I saw the clock going just passed 40 minutes as I was closing in and I saw 40:20 when I crossed but official time showed 40:24, so that makes my last mile 7:51. Not to mention, if you look back up at the picture at the top I am CLEARLY way past the finish clock and it only reads 40:22, so how I got moved to 40:24 I don't have a clue, but a crappy time is a crappy time right?

I hung out for about 40 minutes catching up with lots of running buddies and was really happy to hear most of my girlfriends JO, Campy, E-speed and BB had all but cleaned up. Congrats to all my Female Fasties. That took a lot of pressure off me to have to win the race that day knowing they had been there ;-) HA! I managed to snag some pizza and was on my way back home for a fun filled day of renal diseases.

Mucnie Endurathon

2010-07-24T10:54:00.000-07:00

JP and I woke up at 4:00am on race morning and were loaded up and on the way to the race site by 5:15am. This would be my first HIM, but I wasn't nervous and I really wasn't too excited. I knew I would more than likely finish, but my time wasn't going to put me in a good overall position at the finish.

I went to the bathroom about 5 times before the race, like usual and thought I was in the clear and might only have to go once after the swim, maybe twice at most.

JP and I lined up for the wave 6 start. BH had gone off in the wave before us and EG, AH and BS would be coming right behind us in wave 7. My goal was to not drown. The water temperature was over 78 degrees and going sans wetsuit was not the option I had hoped for. This was only my 5th swim this year and I had only swam one time with my wetsuit off all year for 25 minutes. JP and I wished each other luck and the horn sounded. I walked deeper into the water and just started stroking away, like I was out for a nice easy swim. Swimming is so intense. You always have to check to make sure your hips are up, your feet aren't dragging, your entering the water with your hand straight and not crossing over, your not dropping your shoulder, your head is in a neutral position and then you have to make sure you swim in a straight line and avoid as much body contact with other swimmers as possible. It is always something, much more technical than running. I tried to get into a rhythm and relax. I used the swimmers around me to sight and after finally checking my position to the far buoy discovered I had swam far on the inside. Damn!! It seemed so had a bunch of other people. Perhaps the buoy's initial position was an optical illusion. I wanted to get out of the water in under 45 minutes and I didn't want to put myself in oxygen debt, however, when I made it to the far buoy to swim the backside my watch said about 18:xx minutes (UGLY). It was going to be close. The backside was easy and I was on my way back a lot quicker than I had thought. I finally settled in, but my hip flexors and my back started aching from holding my legs and body up in the water. I was fatiguing already and I still had over 69 miles to go today. When I was almost out of the water, I stopped kicking to allow myself to pee one more time. I was happy to have gotten it out of the way so I wouldn't have to pee in T1 and could just go straight out on the bike course.

I hit the shore in 43:xx and hit T1 at 44:43. No wetsuit and no drowning, I'll take it.

T1 was slow for me, but uneventful in 2:10.

The bike started off on the greenway, which was sick fast. I could coast at 20mph easily. I spent the first 15-20 minutes spinning easy to get my heart rate down and figure out where the heck my body was at with all this. My lower back and my hip flexors were pretty tight from the swim and my neck and shoulders were a little achy. A little over 10 miles in I felt the urge to pee and by mile 15 it was unbearable. I debated trying to pee while cycling because there wasn't a porta-john anywhere. I couldn't do it, to uptight I guess. Indiana is all fields and no forests, so when I finally found a wooded spot I jumped off my bike and ran into the woods. I tried to hurry, but my bladder was full and I wanted to get it all out, so I wouldn't have to pee again, or so I thought. I jumped back onto my bike feeling so much better and started making up ground, but another 15 miles later and it happened again! Again, I jumped off and ran for cover. I wasn't too frustrated, just a little annoyed. I was trying to stay focused catching people that had passed me while I was peeing. I would check behind me pull out to the left and pass then check again to make sure I was a few bike lengths in front of the biker before pulling back to the right side. I was following my routine and as I pulled left and checked behind me I saw a guy coming so I made sure to pull back right as soon as possible to get out of his way. Now, when I pulled right, I pulled far right, just to give him extra clearance, but this asshole and I mean asshole pulled far right, right behind me. I veered back left thinking he was going to pass me on the right, but when I checked he had pulled back left on my wheel. I completely lost my cool and yelled "get the fuck off my wheel!!" The guy gave me a nasty look and yelled "I was just using your slipstream for a minute!" To which I replied "That's illegal!!" He mumbled something I couldn't quite hear and pulled away. I was so pissed. I hate cheaters. I tried to focus on my pedal stroke, but I had to pee again...damn!! I pulled over for the 3rd time and jumped off, but this time my foot slipped on the gravel and I went down on my right knee. I managed to rip the skin off and blood started trickling down my shin. I just kept running for the woods. As I was peeing I noticed some plants that perhaps could have been poison ivy and as I tried to move away I almost fell back in it. Thankfully, I grapped a tree and kept my balance. Jumped back on my bike and with about 12 miles to go, but one more mishap awaited me. I was less than 7 miles away and I heard a soft humming. People were flying by me. I looked down and my speed had gone from 20+mph to 14mph and I was working HARD. Great! My front brake was rubbing. I reached down and tried to pull on the calipers, but that didn't work. I began pumping the brakes trying to get them to open up a little bit. Finally, after about 2 miles I got my bike working again. I had had enough I wanted to get off the bike before I flatted or wrecked. My luck was running out. All the mishaps put me at 2:56:43 for the bike.

T2 was a blessing. I was so glad to be off the bike, but as I ran into the fenced area I felt the urge to pee again. Uuuuugggghhhh!!! I transitioned like the flash and ran to the porta-john, let loose like the Hoover Dam and got out in 2:01. Had I not had to pee, I would have been out in under a minute darn it!!!

The run started off fine for the first 2 miles. My legs felt really good, which surprised me because my longest work out had been just shy of 3.5 hours and I was beyond that by this point. I was not running hard and I was passing person after person from the get-go. They had aid stations every mile, which I thought was a bit much, but as I got to the first one I greatfully accepted ice and gatorade. The temperature had been fine for the bike but by mile 2 I was warmer than I would have like and there was no shade. I took more gatorade and water at mile 2 and by mile 3 I realized I was not going to make it the 13.1 miles unless, I could cool myself off. I was overheating so fast. I started to see more and more of the leaders coming back and some were running, some were hobbling and some were walking. This was a bad sign. I had to cool my core. I grabbed to cups of ice and jammed them down in my sports bra. Almost immediately, I felt a little better. I continued to stuff ice down my top, grab fluid and then added an ice water soaked towel to my neck. Every aid station became like a buffet table. Ice for the sports bra, get a new cold towel, or re-soak the one I had, grab some flat coke. I couldn't do all that on the run so I had to stop at the table for a few seconds. I hated to lose the time, but it was the smartest move I could make. After mile 4, runners were everywhere walking and hobbling. I was still passing a lot of people. I don't think one person passed me the entire race and I knew I was running the worst half marathon time I had run in 3 years! I made it to mile 10 and my body finally gave out on me. My legs became extremely heavy and it felt like my throat was the size of a straw. I was really glad my body had held up this long, but I knew with an average of 40 miles a week biking and 15 miles of week running I'd be lucky to finish. I started thinking about my grandma a lot at that moment and how she was the one who had died and I was the one who was still alive, about how this past year has been about doing a lot of things that I didn't think I could do. I started to get a little emotional and I did what I ALWAYS do... I just kept going.... one foot in front of the other, thinking about her and how I was doing this for her. About how even if this is my only half ironman ever, at least I did one.

I made the final turn at the church knowing I had a little less than 2.5 miles to go and I started to cry a little because I knew I wouldn't give up. I knew I was gonna finish and I was gonna finish in plenty of time to break 6 hours. The last 2 miles were all uphill and a few people were just too beaten to run, but I kept going. I could see the finish tents at the top of the last hill and people were on both sides of the streets clapping and cheering. I was almost done. I was smiling and tearing up at the same time as I ran up the last hill and as I crossed the finish line I threw up my fists in victory. I had done it. I had gotten in enough training to do swim 1.2 miles, bike 56 and run 10. My determination and my grandma had brought me the last 3.1 miles in 5:47:37.

It was a great day and I loved the race, the course, the volunteers, everything. If things work out I definitely want to go back next year and crush my time.

Still Standing

2010-07-05T13:49:00.000-07:00

I am still here. Spending a lot of time trying to gather my thoughts and keep my head above water. I can't bring myself to talk/blog about things yet. It is just too much for me right now. I know I have a lot on my mind, but I have put myself on autopilot for the next 5 weeks. The idea of throwing in the towel and giving up has been coming at me full force this past week, but I just keep thinking "hang in there" and "don't be a pussy" but sometimes it just fucking sucks right now and I can't help but hang my head and let a few tears go....

but as of right now... I am still standing...

Baby Steps and Strokes

2010-06-21T13:21:00.000-07:00

So, I took my final today in Gerontology and had to get 55/90 to pass, as always I am worried I will fail and am out of the program. I have another final tomorrow I have yet started studying for in Community Health and a 20 page research paper due by midnight on Wednesday of which I have 2 pages done. I didn't procrastinate. I literally ran out of time and after 40+ hours of nursing, nursing, nursing it is useless anyway to try and do anything.

I tried to study all day yesterday, but after 4 hours I needed a break so I got in a little run(2 miles)- ride(16 miles) - run(2 miles). It helped refresh me and I managed another 5 hours before falling asleep listening to my teacher drone on and on about gastritis, cirrohsis, Crohns, yadda, yadda...zzzzzzzzzzz...

I swam for the first time since January or December. I managed a little over 20 minutes in the lake and avoided any snapper attacks. I was really pumped I was able to maintain my breathing the entire time. I was expecting to be out of breath about 5 minutes in, but pacing was right on, course I don't know what the distance was. My arms paid the price though as they are still sore today. Reminds me of a workout I did with Daisy once where my arms hurt for almost a week! I think I doubled the size of my traps with one swim. My core was tight too from trying to hold my body in good alignment (like I am a car or something). Hopefully, I am not way far off from my swim times last year and it will come back to me quickly with more open water time.

The volume and the intensity are lacking in my workouts, but they are "workouts" and I am not completely sedentary yet!

Last week I was so swamped with school and work while doing an intervention on childhood obesity at Ravenna City Park I took it upon myself to play a pick-up game of full court basketball with 3 boys about 10-12 years of age, just to get in some exercise that week. I got the chubby kid, but we crushed the other two! HA!!! This old lady has still got some skillz and I even made it a point to pass on shots, so the chubby kid could shoot. I did need an "old persons" time-out though. I was sucking air like a MO-FO' sprinting up and down the court, so different than endurance sports.

A few more days and the workouts should pick back up as I only have to go to campus and clinicals 3 days a week!!!

I really hope this is the worst week (last week) of training I have for the rest of the summer.

Swim - 20 mins (1 swim hopefully 1000 yds???)
Bike - 16 miles (only 1 bike)
Run - 10 miles

Itis so PATHETIC!!! It makes me wanna do something gung-ho and bold, errr, I mean stupid.

My Sunday "Fringe" Ride

2010-06-17T18:29:00.000-07:00

It is admittedly true that I have been living for my Sundays and sunny skies, just so I can get out for my weekly bike ride (I usually run too, so I guess it's really a brick). Either way the amount of exhaustion or pain I feel during the workout is a far cry from that of the pain my school work brings me. I am elated too that I can endure a 3-4 hour workout still. This week the ride was just a tad shy of 2 hours with about an hour running.

I headed out east on Pettibone Road and ended up in some podunky area and came upon this!!!

What in the heck was it? Had someone genetically crossed a zebra and a bull?

Then right after I saw that,I saw this ...

I felt like it had turned it's head to look right at me. I gulped and pedaled on hoping I was not going to be unknowingly completing the trilogy series for the "Wrong Turn" movies. What was wrong with a normal scarecrow's head?

As I quickly pedaled away I could only wonder, did Northeast Ohio have it's own Walter Bishop?

Bleeding Hearts

2010-06-15T19:22:00.000-07:00

Boy did I hit a nerve today at clinicals.

It is inevitable that working in the healthcare field is going to bring up the problem of healthcare reform. While I usually try to play devil's advocate or take an opposing side just for the sake of argument, today it happened because I can't stand the sympathetic, pity party for sooooooo many who don't deserve it.

It seems the majority of my classmates believe that ALL people in the United States should get equal healthcare. I don't quite feel that way. I believe that since healthcare is tied to income, those who have jobs and pay for it should be allotted healthcare and those who are unemployed, having unprotected sex and having unplanned pregnancies are shit out of luck. I am a firm believer in Darwinism. If it comes down to providing food clothing and money for my kid or giving it to someone else's kid because they can't too freakin' bad. If all these bleeding hearts want to adopt a person without healthcare or a family fine, but don't force me to follow the rules, pay for my healthcare and then charge me money for those who don't.

I would be all for healthcare for all people if it wasn't a "throw money at the problem" solution. I believe education, health promotion and disease prevention are key, but not an allowance. (hence my decision to work in the field of nursing -- perhaps I will move to Oregon and do assisted suicide --LOL)

I see healthcare as a priviledge, not a right. Why should a smoker or a person that goes to McDonald's everyday and makes poor food choices be given the same healthcare as me? Both are risk factors for higher inicidences of many diseases. Why should some homeless bum who spends her life doing drugs and drinking receive healthcare when she gets pregnant? It is her mistake hence, her problem! Abortion is a couple hundred bucks. I would much rather give her the money for the abortion, than pay for her and her kid. Lets face it, the kid will probably not be that special one that does anything with his or her life anyway (Birds of a Feather...). And don't give me that "the Lord wanted me to have a baby" garbage, because I didn't get the message from Him that said I had to pay for it!! Survival of the fittest, if you can't protect yourself and your young...SEE YOU!

If two kids were dying and both needed a heart transplant, but there was only one heart and you paid into the healthcare system for you and your child all your life and some ghetto-ass, drug addicted mom brought in her baby for the same heart, do you really think that is fair? I know it's not the child's fault but I refuse to allow the government to make me responsible for a mistake (having unprotected sex), that was followed by another mistake (having the baby) because these people don't believe in birth control or abortion.

Our society is irresponsible and indulgent. Americans, can't control money, can't control their diet and they can't control their sexual urges it seems. We need to teach people discipline, refrain and control while educating them and empowering them to take responsibility for their lives and the lives of their children, not say "oh, it's okay, somebody out there worked really hard and can throw money at the problem for you! Don't worry, you can continue to be a total fucking loser and never be held accountable. It's not your fault."
(I know there are a exceptions to the rule and some people who lose their jobs and are trying. A system that helps them would be awesome to be in place, but these other people = Be Gone!

Cardiac rehab showed me the unwillingness of so many to change their diet (high fat, high salt, obesity) and lifestyle habits (stress, smoking, inactivity). I work with a bunch of single moms who worry more about where they are going out after work ends then getting home to their kids. They all know better, but they don't care and I am suppose to care?

Give me a fucking break!! Take some responsibility!! Grow up!!

Our healthcare system is the Titanic. We are sinking and we do not have enough life boats. We are not all gonna make it.