Forced

That is the theme as of late for me, force myself to get up, force myself to go run, force myself to fall asleep, but it's very exciting nevertheless to be out in the big bad nursing world.

I received my first paycheck -- finally, after not having any income since January 26th.  It was a very welcome blessing.  I can't say how much it makes me happy to know that every two weeks I will get one of those puppies direct deposited into my account (heck yeah!!). 

I finally, started with one of my two regular preceptors this week and I felt much more comfortable and a lot less lost.  Medication administration makes me extremely nervous and it is taught to check the patient, dose, drug, route, time etc... three times before giving it to the patient.  I check about seven.  The idea of a medication error scares that crap out of me.  Last night, I worked a twelve (ended up a thirteen) and by the end of the night I was passing meds alone, no supervision or help.  I felt so insecure about giving insulin subcutaneously and pushing dilaudid into IVs I would swing by the nursing station and have another nurse confirm the right dose for me.  It's still my butt, if I give the wrong med and I can lose my license, so a million checks it is.  I ended up with about two hours of OT this week, which will only make my next check a little fatter (Woot!!)

On the running front, I am struggling with motivational issues right now.  I have had to force myself to go running as soon as I get home when I work an eight or I will just go into couch potato mode.  Thursday, I got home a little after 4:30p, changed and head out for an hour and a half only to come home, do laundry, eat dinner and have about 45 minutes before I had to go back to bed (very exciting life).  The days I work my twelves, I have yet to run.  It baffles me how to find the time to get a run in thus far.  I have yet to make it home on time and by the time I get home, I am freakin' exhausted.  I've gotten up at 4:30am a few times in an attempt to go out before I leave, but I just end up seeing the low temps and saying to hell with that and doing some yoga and stretching or going back to bed for another 30 minutes.  I had a good 11 mile run the other day with 5 miles at tempo pace, but I was really flat and felt horrible at the track Tuesday night.  The 'guestimated' paces for me were just too much and after only 1800 meters, I was suffering, by  2400, it was over and I ended up just jogging around the track for the remainder of the workout.  It was a little disheartening, but not the end of the world.  I haven't ran farther than 13.1 miles since the 1/2 marathon earlier in the month and with Boston only 3 weeks away, I really need to get in at least one more 18+ miler. 

I am hoping I can force myself to go here in a little bit.