The best laid plans never happen. As the weeks have passed this year, I have been frustrated that I can't train due to injury and now that I am back I feel extremely pressured, by myself of course, to get my shit together. I am trying to "catch up" but I know I am just begging for another injury.
Some time after the Blossom race last week I began thinking about why I feel so pressured and why the hell I am trying to kill myself...
1) It is racing season and all my friends are in great shape and out killin' it...well I want to kill it too!!
2) I am on a "race team" and to be part of the team you must race, but I don't feel ready!! I know I owe it to them to get out there, but it is a bad idea. I feel like I am showing up at a race to either be disappointed or have my ass handed to me by everybody or both.
Even training with people is intimidating right now. I love how everyone says get out of your comfort zone and train with faster people. HA!! Most people that say that shit are the fast people. When I am the slowest person in the group I have 2 thoughts 1)even if I kill myself to keep up I still am not fast enough, but I will most likely ruin my own workout to try hard for them and 2) they should just go ahead without me and get in a quality workout.
Last night, I went on a little training ride with Daisy, MC and the Gruesome Twosome for about 38 miles through the North Chagrin and Chester Township area, which has a few hills. It was a lot of fun, but a whole ton of work. I would hang on a wheel for dear life and then get dropped on a hill and then catch up, not because I was fast, but because they would slow. They also managed to throw in some intervals or so it seemed. I would be killing myself to ride 25-33 mph in some spots and the boys would just-a-fly-on-by!! Daisy did a good job holding her own and saved me on numerous occassions from riding solo back to the cars. All in all I felt pretty good, but I was definitely getting tired with about 5 or so miles to go. It ended up being my longest ride and my fastest ride of the year with 38 miles at about 16.4mph. Now, some may laugh at that high speed, but when you put in a few hills see how fast you ride!!! Anyway, you can see how I slowed them down from their workout. Thankfully, no one complained, nor did I get a pink slip post-ride.
All in all I am just feeling down on myself as of late, especially about my running. My left knee has been nagging me for the last week or so and I wonder if it is tendonitis...blah! I have resolved to only do LSD running, errr just SD running, until my body feels stonger. I am not sure if it because I finally cycled over 100 miles in a week or just too much hard running. Anyway, all expectations and hopes for the year are off the table. I am trying to accept the fact that this year may be mediocre for me.
Example: Next week is Flag Day. It is only a 5k, but I know it will be a very ugly 20-something minutes of my life, so I am foregoing the race and working. I do however, have a sprint triathlon this weekend and am hoping that although my running is a downer, maybe my swim and bike will give me a boost, hell I will take a PR in T1 or T2 at this point ;) I am getting so desperate for a "good" race I am 95% certain I am going to do my first HIM at the end of August. It is a PR as long a s I finish right? Anyway, I am going to give myself a hug, wipe my tears and get on with it...haha.
6/7 Clay's Park Sprint Triathlon (time to beat 1:24:22)
6/14 Sunday in June 100k (this is a tour who gives a care about time)
6/28 The Dam Tri Olympic (only did 1 and PR is 2:55:04 swimming upstream & 6.55M run)
7/04 Aurora Fun Run 5K (parents are doing it, so me too - ewww hate 5ks)
7/19 Johnny Cake 5M (mandatory team race will be getting beat by lots of people)
7/25 Winking Lizard 4M (parents are doing it, so me too)
7/26 Lighthouse Triathlon (time to beat 1:14:30, less than 2 minutes off the 1st OA)
1st weekend - Crew for Twizzle at BR100
2nd weekend - work GCT
8/13 - Twilight Trail 8k (have to beat 46:20 - ouch)
3rd weekend - Great Buckeye Challenge HIM (what am I thinking?!?!?!)
4th weekend - IMKY ironfan!!!
9/12 Potato Stomp (really want to run well at this!!)
10/18 Columbus Half Marathon or Stomp the Grapes Half Marathon
11/22 Philadelphia Marathon (due to tight schedule I decided to go back for more)
And that's all she wrote.