Monday, February 8, 2010

Voices In My Head

They plague my life with self-doubt and "I can't". The self-doubt I feel about so many things in my life is as much a part of me as my brown hair. I have tried for years to rid myself of it, searching for a cure, but only being able to temporarily escape from it before it finds me once again.

Maybe it is because I am like my father and worry too much. Always trying to prepare for the worst, so I can avoid disappointment and devastation if it goes bad (the scenario I imagine is always much worse than the reality).

The thing is "I CAN." I don't need to doubt myself and my abilities. I need to step it up and at least pretend I am a rockstar in my own mind. I need to vaccinate myself from these doubts and kick this habit.

I read the following today and although I have heard it before, it's always nice to be reminded of our strengths, especially when our weaknesses seem to be in full bloom.

If someone says to you, "You can't run a marathon under three hours," make that your goal.

Or if someone says, "You'll never be able to finish a marathon, EVER," resolve to yourself, right then and there, that that is what you MUST DO.

Or if someone laughs and says, "You'll never finish in the top 100 in the Cherry Blossom 5K. You're not fast enough," set your sights on doing just that.

Draw your inspiration from "can't." No matter who says it, do just the opposite.

Now, it's a much trickier situation if the person who is telling you "can't" is located inside your head. Examine the voice. Who does it belong to? Your mother or father? Sister or brother? A former spouse or an old high-school teacher or coach?

Whoever it is, tell that person what you would any other. Tell him or her, "Yes, I can. You're not going to stop me, not this time. This is too important. I want to do this thing. I want to set a clear goal for myself and achieve it. I know I can, and I will. With your help or without it. Now, if you'll just shut your trap, I'm going to go for a run."

The voice in my head is definitely my own and it never shuts-up! But I am growing so accustomed to proving it wrong, to finishing what I start. When it says "slow down" or "quit" that is when I am learning to hunker down, start dropping "F" bombs and gettin it done.

One day those voices will shut the f*ck up! I will be the confident, positive person I strive to be.


KimZepp said...

LOVE the Tshirt!
I'm stuck on a comment my overweight totally out of shape parent said to me last week, "I don't know why you PAY MONEY to run???" (of course refering to races) UGH.

Julia said...

Ha, funny how we see things in ourselves that other cannot. I think you have an amazing attitude and focus that I do not see in most people. You are 'hard-core' as we like to call it.

Of course we all have a little doubt at times, but I know that you do not dwell too long there, that is why I am always inspired by you. You take a small loss and make it a big win!

BTW, you can!!!