Friday afternoon a classmate who was re-entering the running field talked me into coming down to a 4 miler in Hudson. I figured it would be fun to run with him and get in some more miles. I fell asleep around 4:00am after studying for my finals most of the night before getting back up at 7:30am for the race. The weather was nice and cool, just like I like it. I have been miserable in the last few weeks between the heat and my hamstring, running has sucked and been kind of a downer, but maybe there was hope yet. It was however kinda windy, but still better than warm.
It was a really small race, maybe 100 people. He told me not to run with him. I think he didn't want to hold me back. I told him I didn't care, but he said to just run my race. The good news: I could run hard and test my hamstring. The bad news: I was going to race the week before I attempted a marathon? Eh, what the hell, my training has sucked, my leg has been f*cked, why not, no guts, no glory. If it flared up I would just backoff and if I couldn't run 4 hard miles 8 days out from a marathon did I really have any business running one?
The wind was coming from the west so the first mile going east was easy as pie. I felt like I was floating. The timer called 7:05. That was faster than I had wanted to start out, so I kept telling myself I needed to rain it in and slow down.
The second mile was uphill and west. Now, I know I slowed down and it was in the wind and uphill, but when I looked back at my mile 2 split and saw 7:55 I dropped a few bad words and thought maybe that mile had been a bit long? Could I really have slowed down THAT much in mile 2?
Anyway, I just kept on running at the time. I didn't feel great and I could tell I wasn't running well. I began wodering if I was burned out physcially and mentally. Between school, my hamstring, studying and a 6 week unintentional taper I wondered if maybe my days of running well were temporarily numbered. I just held my effort and moved through mile 3 at 7:34. I was struggling to focus and stay motivated. I did note however, my hamstring felt tight, but it didn't hurt, nor were there any twinges of pain. Something was going my way.
The final turn is about a tenth from the finish and I did pick up the pace a bit then and I watched the clock creep up on my PR time of 30:08 and keep going before finally stopping at 30:13 for me. Mile 4 was 7:34. I wasn't even disappointed. Just drained all the way around. I had not run a race mentally or physically deserving of a PR. The funny thing is I ended up 3rd female overall and I received a nice medal. The announcer then handed me what I thought was a piece of paper. It was a check for $50. I was a little embarassed that such a slow time had been 3rd overall. I wouldn't have even placed in my age group if some of my girlfriends had come down, but hey I am broke and money is money.
I grabbed some brunch with my classmate and did a little reviewing for OB before heading home to study for 3 hours and take a genetics test. I finished with about 20 minutes to spare before I had to head to work. I laid in my bed and turned off the lights trying to rest my mind and my body, neither of which happened. My alarm went off way too soon and I changed to head to work. It was mother's day weekend and we were slammed. I finally managed to leave at midnight.
Today, I have been studying for my OB final on Tuesday, but my mind has been plagued with thoughts of ...
Am I seriously going to run a marathon next weekend? What if the hamstring goes -- it's a long fucking walk!
What if I am overtrained? Not sure how that is possible since training has been terrible the last 6 weeks.
Why am I running so slow for all my runs? I have no spring, no bounce, no motivation.
Why am I such a whiney bitch? Jury is still out. Probably just afraid of failing. But what do I mean by that? I mean really what would be failing for me?
Wow do they have medicine for this much neuroticism?
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