This semester, I have 6 weeks of community nursing and gerontology for rehab and it is intense. I finally broke down and bought some Unisom to help me sleep and it's working, but the problem now is it is lingering and I am exhausted 24/7. I fell asleep at the my gerontology clincial watching a video on dementia and alzheimers the first day and have been napping in my car on my lunch breaks. I am so over the top intense and stressed all the time through nursing school I don't know what to do, except keep going until December when it's over. If I take the pills I am tired. If I don't take them I am tired. If I quit the program, well that is not an option. It is worse than it's ever been. I have 35.5 hours of clinical and class time, combined with 12-15 hours of work and 14 hours of drive time, putting me at 60+ hours not counting all the time I need for projects and studying for tests.
I feel tightness in my chest and my throat all the time. I don't feel like I am learning the material because it is so fast and I am just guessing at everything I do in class. I am not doing anything I don't already know how to do at clinicals. I am just killing time. I am completing my degree to be an RN, not an LPN or an aide, yet at my gero clinical I spend my time bathing my patient, teaching her how to wipe herself correctly and washing her hair, because that is what my patient needs the most.
I can't stand the smell of old people, but the thing is old people only smell because the people that are supposed to be taking care of them are doing a half ass job!! Old people get fucked up feet to if you don't apply lotion and wash them appropriately they smell! I don't want to change bedpans or wipe asses, but I absolutely refuse to have a stinky patient. Needless to say, it seems healthcare professionals get lazy or burnt out and become a little calloused to caring for patients and when I gave my patient a foot bath and massage she ended up crying and telling me no one cares enough to do that for her and she was glad someone still did. I left the room and told my instructor I couldn't deal with that and needed this rotation over. She was proud of me, but I just felt sick. I vowed that day I would take time off work to care for a family member before I let some half-ass healthcare people do it. I guess what I am saying is there are shitty people working everywhere. It's not the first rotation where I saw a lazy healthcare worker.
Community is overwhelming with the amount of paperwork. I have a midterm on Tuesday and haven't studied yet, because I had to prepare for a population teaching project. ML and I were told we had to each do an hour presentation on puberty to about a hundred 4th graders. The words "oh shit!!" were flashing through my mind. I hated going through puberty. I hate my breasts. I hate menstruating. I hate having to shave. I hate not being 50 lbs and being able to do an unlimited amount of pull-ups. How am I suppose to explain to all these girls that becoming a woman isn't too bad? Oh, and not cover the topic of sex, fertilization, STDs or pregnancy? We were told the kids were too young and to tell them to defer to their parents with questions in those areas.
I am not a presenter. I get nervous and shaky. I would rather write a 50 page report. We over prepped with our outline, transparencies of female anatomy, a powerpoint with topics to cover and I re-read all the basics of puberty just to make sure I hadn't miss anything in my three degrees. It was definitely overkill, but I was armed. I started off by asking the girls if they knew what puberty was. I got some really strange answers like "red" and "hair" and "your hands and feet get bigger." All of them were in a sense right, but they were avoiding the BIG answers, so I said "Come on guys. What's the difference between you and me?" To which I got the response "you're old!" WTF!!!! Ahhh, I should have known that would happen. It did lead into breasts and growth eventually, but damn really, old?
I introduced a video called "Just Around the Corner" which covered the growth changes, menstruation, ovulation and the importance of good hygeine. I had two choices when the video was over. I could re-lecture on the topics or I could do a more interactive Q & A. I wanted to do the Q & A because the girls were nervous and had not been excited about this lecture today. My outline had my objectives for my instructor to grade me on such as know the definition of puberty, identify the changes, understand the process of menstruation, understand what things good hygeine involves etc... But I had my own underlying objects to make the girls more comfortable with what was to come so they would make the best choices or at least be able to identify a trusted adult in their lives they could go to in the future for questions. The only problem was if I did the Q & A I might lose control of the group, or miss covering an objective both which would lower my presentation grade. I ended up choosing the Q & A. I couldn't give the talk based on my grade. I want to be a nurse. I want to help people, even if my grades suck. The girls started off asking about tampons. I was told to cover pads and pass some around but to avoid tampons, because of toxic shock syndrome and that they had to discuss that with their parents. I tried but their were too many questions...
"How do you know you put it in the right hole?"
"What if it goes to far in and gets lost?"
"How do you get it out?"
"Can you feel it and does it hurt?"
I finally gave in and pulled out a transparency of the female anatomy and explained how a tampon works. They were way too curious to not cover the topic. We had a few good laughs and I got more and more questions. I would see 5 hands up and answer 1 and then 4 more would go up. It was crazy. I had won them group over and they were interested in my lecture!! I had to defer a few questions regarding sex to the parents, but for the most part I was able to explain a lot and I concluded the conversation by explaining it was okay not to be embarassed and no one should make fun of someone regarding puberty. When I was done I asked "how many of you feel much better now about puberty than you did when we started this?" Every single hand went up!!!! It was a victory. I had done it. I was super nervous and a hot mess by the end, but my instructor said I was getting no less than a 98%. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! Perhaps, I would survive this semester afterall. Four more weeks is just around the corner.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
The End of 26.2 in 2010...
As I started my 4 mile trek east on Marginal I was just a tad behind the 3:40 pace group. It was a lot smaller than I had thought it would be! I had not wanted to be stuck behind a huge group in the first half, but now with Marginal and a east-northeasterly wind (I can never win with this marathon!) I was hoping for a swarm of people to hide behind. I felt the wind immediately, which was quite refreshing from the baking I had done in the first half of the race. I don't know why I handle temps above 50 degrees so poorly, but I just do. I was once told muscle is a furnance and fat is an insulator. Well, I am insulated!
I decided to try and close the gap completely on the 3:40 pace group and hang with them through Marginal, but the wind was making it harder to catch them and my effort felt too hard. I resolved to just run the best I could until Marginal ended alone in the open wind. The forecast had sai winds at about 7 mph, but I dropped a few F-bombs, because of course it sure felt worse than that. I assume I ran high 8:20's to low 8:30's because the 3:40 group did get away from me a bit. I just kept telling myself to stay in control of your race until 2:45, then run with whatever you got. My legs still felt amazingly great. I felt no fatigue or tightness as we finished Marginal and headed for the 17th mile. I took my second and only other gel of the race about this time. The inflammation in my feet was hurting me a bit, but completely manageable. East Boulevard was to my relief fairly shaded and I took to running in the shade over running the tangents. I made the short steep climb around mile 18 and lost the pacer a little more, but that was okay. I wasn't dead set on 3:40, just finishing the best I could. I remember checking the mile clocks around this time to make sure I wasn't slowing as I ran through each mile. It seemed I was still clipping off an even pace. The turn down Martin Luther King brought some excitement because I knew mile marker 20 was just up ahead. I think I crossed somewhere around 2:48:00. I was definietely dissappointed with the time because of the three 20-milers I had run in March, none, not one was over 2:45:00. I ran down to St. Clair and made the sharp left turn to make the last short, but steep climb on the course. I was really hot and not wanting to stress too much to climb it I took it nice and easy, almost at a walk. I look back and think maybe I was too lazy about some of my miles, but at the time it felt like the any harder effort would have been out of my comfort zone.
Now, if I thought I was hot in the first half of the race, this part became down right miserable for me. I was so hot I started dumping as much water on myself as I could at every aid station. My shorts were soaked my bra was soaked, but I was still hot. As I trotted through the ghetto, my feet felt on fire. I would have been miserable except my legs were still moving me without any pain. My hamstring had run 21 miles for me and was still going strong, no twinges of pain, no tightness, nada. I so wanted to pick up the pace, but I was so hot and miserable I figured that would last for a half mile and then I would be running back at the current pace or slower, so I just kept putting one foot in front of the other (left/right/left/right: ouch-ouch-ouch-ouch).
I think right after I passed the 23 mile marker I reached the lowest point in my race, but E-speed was just ahead screaming and hollering tyring to lift up every marathoner in sight. I know I smiled on the inside, but not sure what my face was doing. She was kind enough to run with me and chat me up with lots of positive energy. I didn't believe a word she said though. When she would tell me how I was looking good or running strong, the voice in my head kept responding "you suck, you got nothing, you look like shit!" E-speed had her garmin on so I didn't even worry about my pace, she just kept dragging me along throught the last few miles like a mom drags a kid out of their favorite toy store kicking and screaming (except I was just screaming on the inside that I didn't want to go!!!) I was tired. My respiratory muscles wanted a break. I was sitting on the edge of blowing up. I kept running thinking "This is like running with AH. She is so fast and probably killing herself trying to run this slow like he does! I suck." I tried to relax my body and keep my breathing effort even. I didn't want E-speed to know how much it hurt to run that pace. I was ashamed I wasn't able to run faster.
As we came down the last mile she really put my ass to the coals pretty much insisting I needed to run faster. She all but got behind me and pushed me toward the finish line. I tried my best and heard her say we were sub-8's. I was hurting pretty bad. I wanted to let up, but my friend had come back to help me and my pride got the better of me. I couldn't give up. I got mad and swore out loud as E-speed and I made a deal. We turned onto Euclid and the finish might as well have been 26 more miles away. I couldn't even see it. She again reminded me I needed to go faster and I was going to have to "work" for the finish. I picked up the pace the best I could and ran for the invisible finish. Finally, just as E-speed pulled off she gave me one last warning to pick it up and GO!! I looked at my watch and it said 3:38:xx. I was still about .2 of a mile from the finish. Oh, God!!! I hadn't meant to cut it that close. I ran for the mats as fast as I could, faster than I had run all race. I wanted to vomit. I wanted to shit my pants. I could finally feel hints of cramps starting throughout my legs, but I kept pushing. I wasn't going to make it. I was not gonna PR and I was going to miss getting a Boston Qualifying time by less than one minute. I was panicking. Everything in me wanted to slow, but the word "F*U*C*K!!!!!" flashed through my mind. I would not let this end by me slowing down. I kept running as hard as I could. I heard my dad yell, but couldn't allow myself the fraction of a second distraction. I have run three marathons and hobbled into the finish at everyone, but not this day. My fourth marathon I finished strong and with my fastest mile of the entire race being my last. I sprinted down the line with everything I had and hit the mat in 3:40:01.
I started the day with the 4 hour pacer just hoping to finish "running." I finished "sprinting" and much sooner than I had thought.
***I just want to wrap this up by saying thanks to my aunt for talking me into this, my mom (my lucky charm) who has been at every marathon who has made this a team effort with all her support and inspiration, my dad for showing me there are some advantages to being stubborn and to E-speed for pushing me to raise the bar. ****
I decided to try and close the gap completely on the 3:40 pace group and hang with them through Marginal, but the wind was making it harder to catch them and my effort felt too hard. I resolved to just run the best I could until Marginal ended alone in the open wind. The forecast had sai winds at about 7 mph, but I dropped a few F-bombs, because of course it sure felt worse than that. I assume I ran high 8:20's to low 8:30's because the 3:40 group did get away from me a bit. I just kept telling myself to stay in control of your race until 2:45, then run with whatever you got. My legs still felt amazingly great. I felt no fatigue or tightness as we finished Marginal and headed for the 17th mile. I took my second and only other gel of the race about this time. The inflammation in my feet was hurting me a bit, but completely manageable. East Boulevard was to my relief fairly shaded and I took to running in the shade over running the tangents. I made the short steep climb around mile 18 and lost the pacer a little more, but that was okay. I wasn't dead set on 3:40, just finishing the best I could. I remember checking the mile clocks around this time to make sure I wasn't slowing as I ran through each mile. It seemed I was still clipping off an even pace. The turn down Martin Luther King brought some excitement because I knew mile marker 20 was just up ahead. I think I crossed somewhere around 2:48:00. I was definietely dissappointed with the time because of the three 20-milers I had run in March, none, not one was over 2:45:00. I ran down to St. Clair and made the sharp left turn to make the last short, but steep climb on the course. I was really hot and not wanting to stress too much to climb it I took it nice and easy, almost at a walk. I look back and think maybe I was too lazy about some of my miles, but at the time it felt like the any harder effort would have been out of my comfort zone.
Now, if I thought I was hot in the first half of the race, this part became down right miserable for me. I was so hot I started dumping as much water on myself as I could at every aid station. My shorts were soaked my bra was soaked, but I was still hot. As I trotted through the ghetto, my feet felt on fire. I would have been miserable except my legs were still moving me without any pain. My hamstring had run 21 miles for me and was still going strong, no twinges of pain, no tightness, nada. I so wanted to pick up the pace, but I was so hot and miserable I figured that would last for a half mile and then I would be running back at the current pace or slower, so I just kept putting one foot in front of the other (left/right/left/right: ouch-ouch-ouch-ouch).
I think right after I passed the 23 mile marker I reached the lowest point in my race, but E-speed was just ahead screaming and hollering tyring to lift up every marathoner in sight. I know I smiled on the inside, but not sure what my face was doing. She was kind enough to run with me and chat me up with lots of positive energy. I didn't believe a word she said though. When she would tell me how I was looking good or running strong, the voice in my head kept responding "you suck, you got nothing, you look like shit!" E-speed had her garmin on so I didn't even worry about my pace, she just kept dragging me along throught the last few miles like a mom drags a kid out of their favorite toy store kicking and screaming (except I was just screaming on the inside that I didn't want to go!!!) I was tired. My respiratory muscles wanted a break. I was sitting on the edge of blowing up. I kept running thinking "This is like running with AH. She is so fast and probably killing herself trying to run this slow like he does! I suck." I tried to relax my body and keep my breathing effort even. I didn't want E-speed to know how much it hurt to run that pace. I was ashamed I wasn't able to run faster.
As we came down the last mile she really put my ass to the coals pretty much insisting I needed to run faster. She all but got behind me and pushed me toward the finish line. I tried my best and heard her say we were sub-8's. I was hurting pretty bad. I wanted to let up, but my friend had come back to help me and my pride got the better of me. I couldn't give up. I got mad and swore out loud as E-speed and I made a deal. We turned onto Euclid and the finish might as well have been 26 more miles away. I couldn't even see it. She again reminded me I needed to go faster and I was going to have to "work" for the finish. I picked up the pace the best I could and ran for the invisible finish. Finally, just as E-speed pulled off she gave me one last warning to pick it up and GO!! I looked at my watch and it said 3:38:xx. I was still about .2 of a mile from the finish. Oh, God!!! I hadn't meant to cut it that close. I ran for the mats as fast as I could, faster than I had run all race. I wanted to vomit. I wanted to shit my pants. I could finally feel hints of cramps starting throughout my legs, but I kept pushing. I wasn't going to make it. I was not gonna PR and I was going to miss getting a Boston Qualifying time by less than one minute. I was panicking. Everything in me wanted to slow, but the word "F*U*C*K!!!!!" flashed through my mind. I would not let this end by me slowing down. I kept running as hard as I could. I heard my dad yell, but couldn't allow myself the fraction of a second distraction. I have run three marathons and hobbled into the finish at everyone, but not this day. My fourth marathon I finished strong and with my fastest mile of the entire race being my last. I sprinted down the line with everything I had and hit the mat in 3:40:01.
I started the day with the 4 hour pacer just hoping to finish "running." I finished "sprinting" and much sooner than I had thought.
***I just want to wrap this up by saying thanks to my aunt for talking me into this, my mom (my lucky charm) who has been at every marathon who has made this a team effort with all her support and inspiration, my dad for showing me there are some advantages to being stubborn and to E-speed for pushing me to raise the bar. ****
Thursday, May 20, 2010
The Beginning of 26.2 in 2010
Running over the winter had sounded so tedious and unsatisfying, but minus blizzard like conditions and weather that made my butt cheeks freeze I found it quite inspiring for the first time ever. I so looked forward to my run every day knowing it was a break from the pediatrics or obstetric critical thinking thinking skills I completely seemed to lack.
I debated signing up for Cleveland, knowing I could have a "rough spot" for training, but then after some enthusiatic positivism from my aunt and mom I forked over the money around spring break for 26.2 miles of fun on 5/16. It seemed a sub-3:30 was inevitable with my training runs, but then I got plantar fascitis in my left heel and tendonitis in the ball of my right foot, followed by a week long stomach flu. Then I aggravated my left hamstring (the same one I had hurt the year before -- idiot!!) a week later. It was all tweaked and I was a mess between finals, work and stressing about totally flubbing a marathon I had begun to regret I had signed up for.
Then I got a grip and the part of me that can't stand backing down and giving up went for a really slow 17 miler 2 weeks out from Cleveland and survived. It was at that point I decided come hell or high water I would start and finish Cleveland, no matter what. My mom kept hassling me about what time I would come through the half at and what my goal time was, but I had no clue. I figured on a really bad day with no injury I could finish under 4 hours, but on a super awesome day I could break 3:30. I know secretly my mom was thinking sub-3:40, but she didn't push me too hard, thankfully and I told her the plan was to just run under control for the first hour like I did on my training runs.
The day of the race I didn't feel the "fire" and the "fight" I normally do about a marathon. I just kept thinking "are you really this f*cking stupid to try and run a marathon today?" I did everything the same as I normally do before I run a marathon, but I couldn't get the "spark" to light the fire inside me that I knew I would need for a marathon. I switched into my racing singlet and gave my mom my backpack at the last minute. She gave me that look that said "you will do this, you will fight to the finish, I love you and you will kill yourself before you give up!" just before the start. I finally got a rush of emotions when I told her "I would see her soon." I always tell her that before I start every marathon. It's my way of telling her I wont give up and I know she is waiting for me. I swallowed and felt the lump in my throat and then the gun went off.
It took me over 3 minutes to get to the starting mat. I had originally lined up just in front of the 4 hour pacer, but when I started I think I actually ended up behind them -- drat! I knew 4:00 and 3:40 would probably the biggest two pace groups I would have to contend with and I didn't want to be stuck behind either in the beginning....oh well.
The race started really slow for me from the get-go. I wasn't too worried. I have had problems holding back in all my races as of late and I hoped the crowd would help keep me under control. My plan had been to run under control for an hour, get warmed up and go from there. I caught and dropped the 4 hour pace goup in the first mile. I should have known 9:16 would be way too slow, but as I pulled even with the 3:50 pace group up w. 3rd I stayed with them. I made no extra effort on the hill and just sat in cruise control. I never saw a mile marker until mile 6, but when I pulled up to the third water stop and assumed I was over 4 miles and had not dropped the 3:50 pace group I was a little concerned. I was running at the right effort, but was I really only dropping 8:45? Shortly after I heard a few people yell out at the pacers that they were dropping 8:20-somethings for the first 5 miles and that was way too fast. I breathed a sigh of relief. I had known something was wrong. The pacer said it was no big deal, but the group was definitely pissed off and after that point I immediately dropped them as they slowed significantly. After my first attempt at "racing" a marathon I had learned pacers are of no use to me. They are only there as time markers and people to chase down. I train alone. I train by effort. I trust myself. I know even if I don't negative split a race, I wont fall off the pace much.
Somehwere in Ohio City or Tremont I saw this amazing group of boys playing drums on garbage cans, which was unbelievably freakin' awesome. I passed through 6 miles somewhere around 50 minutes (when I finally saw my first mile marker). I think a year ago, I would have panicked not knowing every mile marker, but on this day I was so calm and relaxed. I knew I was running the correct effort. I could only hope the clock was saying something decent. I didn't smile or look around much, but if I noticed little kids with their hands out looking for high fives I made the effort to tag as many as I could. I knew I was running the best I could and that was all that mattered that day. It was way too hot for me and I was dying. From the get-go I wished I had not put my jersey on and I was taking water and gatorade at every aid station I passed. Thankfully, running up Lake was shaded and there were lots of people cheering throughout which was so uplifting.
The shoreway started off with what I felt were some fast miles and as I approached mile 10 I was stoked to see a cow, but to my surprise I saw Bert and Ernie shaking what they had in 'dem jeans. I knew it was some of my friends and it was good for a few miles of laughs, but the course did take an uphill turn and I definitely lost any time I had gained from the previous miles. I still felt pretty good and mosied my way back into the city.
**I was very content the first half running leisurely, but focused and as I went through the aid stations I made sure to take the time to get the fluid in over rushing through them and shoving it down. I also started pouring it all over me from the get-go too. I was fying like bacon!!**
I had taken in so much gatorade and water throughout the first half I don't think I took my first gel until somewhere around mile 8 or 9. I had trained to take them around the hour mark, but I hadn't ever shoved that much fluid down before so I waited for fear my stomach would go to shit on me early in the race.
The half marathoners split off to the right once back in the city and we headed back toward the Brown's stadium where I knew my mom would be impatiently standing with my dad watch in hand willing me to come through in less than 1:50. I finally saw them right before W. 6th and I ripped off my jersey threw it to my mom and yelled "I am about 3 minutes behind the clock" and then trotted away. I could tell my mom, was excited to see me because the 3:40 pace group was about a hundred feet in front of me. I tried to mentally prep myself for the hell that lay ahead. It would be a windy 3.5 miles up Marginal and then 4.5 miles of winding roads with 2 climbs and finally 5.2 miles of fire and heat to the finish.
I debated signing up for Cleveland, knowing I could have a "rough spot" for training, but then after some enthusiatic positivism from my aunt and mom I forked over the money around spring break for 26.2 miles of fun on 5/16. It seemed a sub-3:30 was inevitable with my training runs, but then I got plantar fascitis in my left heel and tendonitis in the ball of my right foot, followed by a week long stomach flu. Then I aggravated my left hamstring (the same one I had hurt the year before -- idiot!!) a week later. It was all tweaked and I was a mess between finals, work and stressing about totally flubbing a marathon I had begun to regret I had signed up for.
Then I got a grip and the part of me that can't stand backing down and giving up went for a really slow 17 miler 2 weeks out from Cleveland and survived. It was at that point I decided come hell or high water I would start and finish Cleveland, no matter what. My mom kept hassling me about what time I would come through the half at and what my goal time was, but I had no clue. I figured on a really bad day with no injury I could finish under 4 hours, but on a super awesome day I could break 3:30. I know secretly my mom was thinking sub-3:40, but she didn't push me too hard, thankfully and I told her the plan was to just run under control for the first hour like I did on my training runs.
The day of the race I didn't feel the "fire" and the "fight" I normally do about a marathon. I just kept thinking "are you really this f*cking stupid to try and run a marathon today?" I did everything the same as I normally do before I run a marathon, but I couldn't get the "spark" to light the fire inside me that I knew I would need for a marathon. I switched into my racing singlet and gave my mom my backpack at the last minute. She gave me that look that said "you will do this, you will fight to the finish, I love you and you will kill yourself before you give up!" just before the start. I finally got a rush of emotions when I told her "I would see her soon." I always tell her that before I start every marathon. It's my way of telling her I wont give up and I know she is waiting for me. I swallowed and felt the lump in my throat and then the gun went off.
It took me over 3 minutes to get to the starting mat. I had originally lined up just in front of the 4 hour pacer, but when I started I think I actually ended up behind them -- drat! I knew 4:00 and 3:40 would probably the biggest two pace groups I would have to contend with and I didn't want to be stuck behind either in the beginning....oh well.
The race started really slow for me from the get-go. I wasn't too worried. I have had problems holding back in all my races as of late and I hoped the crowd would help keep me under control. My plan had been to run under control for an hour, get warmed up and go from there. I caught and dropped the 4 hour pace goup in the first mile. I should have known 9:16 would be way too slow, but as I pulled even with the 3:50 pace group up w. 3rd I stayed with them. I made no extra effort on the hill and just sat in cruise control. I never saw a mile marker until mile 6, but when I pulled up to the third water stop and assumed I was over 4 miles and had not dropped the 3:50 pace group I was a little concerned. I was running at the right effort, but was I really only dropping 8:45? Shortly after I heard a few people yell out at the pacers that they were dropping 8:20-somethings for the first 5 miles and that was way too fast. I breathed a sigh of relief. I had known something was wrong. The pacer said it was no big deal, but the group was definitely pissed off and after that point I immediately dropped them as they slowed significantly. After my first attempt at "racing" a marathon I had learned pacers are of no use to me. They are only there as time markers and people to chase down. I train alone. I train by effort. I trust myself. I know even if I don't negative split a race, I wont fall off the pace much.
Somehwere in Ohio City or Tremont I saw this amazing group of boys playing drums on garbage cans, which was unbelievably freakin' awesome. I passed through 6 miles somewhere around 50 minutes (when I finally saw my first mile marker). I think a year ago, I would have panicked not knowing every mile marker, but on this day I was so calm and relaxed. I knew I was running the correct effort. I could only hope the clock was saying something decent. I didn't smile or look around much, but if I noticed little kids with their hands out looking for high fives I made the effort to tag as many as I could. I knew I was running the best I could and that was all that mattered that day. It was way too hot for me and I was dying. From the get-go I wished I had not put my jersey on and I was taking water and gatorade at every aid station I passed. Thankfully, running up Lake was shaded and there were lots of people cheering throughout which was so uplifting.
The shoreway started off with what I felt were some fast miles and as I approached mile 10 I was stoked to see a cow, but to my surprise I saw Bert and Ernie shaking what they had in 'dem jeans. I knew it was some of my friends and it was good for a few miles of laughs, but the course did take an uphill turn and I definitely lost any time I had gained from the previous miles. I still felt pretty good and mosied my way back into the city.
**I was very content the first half running leisurely, but focused and as I went through the aid stations I made sure to take the time to get the fluid in over rushing through them and shoving it down. I also started pouring it all over me from the get-go too. I was fying like bacon!!**
I had taken in so much gatorade and water throughout the first half I don't think I took my first gel until somewhere around mile 8 or 9. I had trained to take them around the hour mark, but I hadn't ever shoved that much fluid down before so I waited for fear my stomach would go to shit on me early in the race.
The half marathoners split off to the right once back in the city and we headed back toward the Brown's stadium where I knew my mom would be impatiently standing with my dad watch in hand willing me to come through in less than 1:50. I finally saw them right before W. 6th and I ripped off my jersey threw it to my mom and yelled "I am about 3 minutes behind the clock" and then trotted away. I could tell my mom, was excited to see me because the 3:40 pace group was about a hundred feet in front of me. I tried to mentally prep myself for the hell that lay ahead. It would be a windy 3.5 miles up Marginal and then 4.5 miles of winding roads with 2 climbs and finally 5.2 miles of fire and heat to the finish.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Cleveland Marathon - Vengeance
You know how they say vengeance is a dish best served cold? Well, today it was hot, but I finally got mine!
Going into this race I had so many things not go the way I had wanted them to go the last 6 weeks leading up to this race, but I tried to keep a positive spin on it. Stepping up to the line with aches and pains for a marathon only means one thing, more severe aches and pains, but the thing was I had run so much more than ever before and a friend had said "even on a bad day, don't you think we can still run 3:40?" Well, hell I paid for this marathon and even if it was a bad day and it could have been a hobbling, cramping walking for hours to the finish bad day, I was going to at least step up and give it a shot.
As I reflect on the morning's marathon madness, I realize this was in fact the least painful marathon I have ever run, not to say it wasn't without pain because my feet hurt (ouchie!!!) and although I started just ahead of the 4 hour pacer today, I discovered I can run a 3:40 on a not-so great day. Not to say I had a bad race, or that I didn't give it all I had because I did, I really did.
My marathon plan had no set goal time. I could have run anywhere from a PR to a PW (personal worst). I just wanted to make sure I did not fall apart the second half. The short of it is I ran a 1:49:10 first half and a 1:50:51 second half for a 3:40:01 (Philadelphia I ran a 1:48:21 and a 1:51:31). It was the most evenly split marathon I have ever run, but part of me wants to kick my own ass for cutting it so close, but most of me knows I ran the best I could, but for the love of God did I really have to make it that tight? Again.
Needless to say after running a 1:50:xx and a 1:59:xx at Cleveland in 2008 I got my revenge today!
Going into this race I had so many things not go the way I had wanted them to go the last 6 weeks leading up to this race, but I tried to keep a positive spin on it. Stepping up to the line with aches and pains for a marathon only means one thing, more severe aches and pains, but the thing was I had run so much more than ever before and a friend had said "even on a bad day, don't you think we can still run 3:40?" Well, hell I paid for this marathon and even if it was a bad day and it could have been a hobbling, cramping walking for hours to the finish bad day, I was going to at least step up and give it a shot.
As I reflect on the morning's marathon madness, I realize this was in fact the least painful marathon I have ever run, not to say it wasn't without pain because my feet hurt (ouchie!!!) and although I started just ahead of the 4 hour pacer today, I discovered I can run a 3:40 on a not-so great day. Not to say I had a bad race, or that I didn't give it all I had because I did, I really did.
My marathon plan had no set goal time. I could have run anywhere from a PR to a PW (personal worst). I just wanted to make sure I did not fall apart the second half. The short of it is I ran a 1:49:10 first half and a 1:50:51 second half for a 3:40:01 (Philadelphia I ran a 1:48:21 and a 1:51:31). It was the most evenly split marathon I have ever run, but part of me wants to kick my own ass for cutting it so close, but most of me knows I ran the best I could, but for the love of God did I really have to make it that tight? Again.
Needless to say after running a 1:50:xx and a 1:59:xx at Cleveland in 2008 I got my revenge today!
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Till my legs give out - I will not fall
'Cause sometimes you feel tired,
feel weak, and when you feel weak, you feel like you wanna just give up.
But you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength
and just pull that shit out of you and get that motivation to not give up
and not be a quitter, no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse.
Till the roof comes off, till the lights go out
Till my legs give out, can't shut my mouth.
Till the smoke clears out - am I high? Perhaps
I'ma rip this shit till my bone collapse.
Until the roof
The roof comes off
Until my legs give out from underneath me
I will not fall,
I will stand tall,
Feels like no one could beat me.
-Eminem
feel weak, and when you feel weak, you feel like you wanna just give up.
But you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength
and just pull that shit out of you and get that motivation to not give up
and not be a quitter, no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse.
Till the roof comes off, till the lights go out
Till my legs give out, can't shut my mouth.
Till the smoke clears out - am I high? Perhaps
I'ma rip this shit till my bone collapse.
Until the roof
The roof comes off
Until my legs give out from underneath me
I will not fall,
I will stand tall,
Feels like no one could beat me.
-Eminem
Thursday, May 13, 2010
What to do? What to do?
It's over. It's really over! I am half way done with this accelerated nursing program. I finished my last final at midnight last night for genetics. My grades have gone in the crapper, but I am passing.
Pediatrics - C (teachers thought maybe I had a learning disability and suggested it had to be my fault my grades along with many had severely truncated from medical-surgery in the previous semester)
OB - B (although it was really fun and I learned a lot, there were only 2 exams and only 2 got an A on the first exam and no one, I repeat no one got an A on the second exam).
Pharmacology - B (never showed up to class except for a test after the first two weeks; I got a 91/105 on the final and only studied for 3 hours because all my time went into my OB exam - plus I know my drugs, so studying was minimal)
Genetics - B (I didn't learn much as the class seemed too disorganized and answers with rationals were never posted, so I have no idea what I missed!)
My GPA has dropped to 3.15 (ewwww!). That is the lowest it's ever been (sigh). I am hoping things will turn around this summer for me, but I am extremely fearful as I have 17 credits!! It is going to be intense!
I have all but resolved myself to put running and triathlons out of my mind after this weekend. I thought I could do it, but I am so broke and the idea of trying to train and work with my schedule is impossible. I am going to get my few races in to make the quota for SBR, but that's it. I can't force myself to spend money on races I am going to suck at. I just want to train as a break from school work, not as a necessity for a race.
I need to get my GPA back up (or at least try). I applied for a tuition assistance program with a possible employer for my last semester at KSU. The employer gives you $5k each semester and then every year you work for them it forgives the $5k, plus you have a job. It may not be exactly where I want to start, but in this economy it is a job and I will take it!
I think ultimately, I am going to try and get into OB in a hospital or even a place like Plan Parenthood. Although, I thought this would be the end of my scholarly years, I think I will continue my education after a year or two of working as an RN and going to school for my master's as a nurse practitioner or a certified nurse midwife. I am certain if either of my parents read this they will be groaning and thinking "not another degree!" -- But I can't help myself! I am an addict, I guess.
Pediatrics - C (teachers thought maybe I had a learning disability and suggested it had to be my fault my grades along with many had severely truncated from medical-surgery in the previous semester)
OB - B (although it was really fun and I learned a lot, there were only 2 exams and only 2 got an A on the first exam and no one, I repeat no one got an A on the second exam).
Pharmacology - B (never showed up to class except for a test after the first two weeks; I got a 91/105 on the final and only studied for 3 hours because all my time went into my OB exam - plus I know my drugs, so studying was minimal)
Genetics - B (I didn't learn much as the class seemed too disorganized and answers with rationals were never posted, so I have no idea what I missed!)
My GPA has dropped to 3.15 (ewwww!). That is the lowest it's ever been (sigh). I am hoping things will turn around this summer for me, but I am extremely fearful as I have 17 credits!! It is going to be intense!
I have all but resolved myself to put running and triathlons out of my mind after this weekend. I thought I could do it, but I am so broke and the idea of trying to train and work with my schedule is impossible. I am going to get my few races in to make the quota for SBR, but that's it. I can't force myself to spend money on races I am going to suck at. I just want to train as a break from school work, not as a necessity for a race.
I need to get my GPA back up (or at least try). I applied for a tuition assistance program with a possible employer for my last semester at KSU. The employer gives you $5k each semester and then every year you work for them it forgives the $5k, plus you have a job. It may not be exactly where I want to start, but in this economy it is a job and I will take it!
I think ultimately, I am going to try and get into OB in a hospital or even a place like Plan Parenthood. Although, I thought this would be the end of my scholarly years, I think I will continue my education after a year or two of working as an RN and going to school for my master's as a nurse practitioner or a certified nurse midwife. I am certain if either of my parents read this they will be groaning and thinking "not another degree!" -- But I can't help myself! I am an addict, I guess.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Run For Your Life 4 Miler
Friday afternoon a classmate who was re-entering the running field talked me into coming down to a 4 miler in Hudson. I figured it would be fun to run with him and get in some more miles. I fell asleep around 4:00am after studying for my finals most of the night before getting back up at 7:30am for the race. The weather was nice and cool, just like I like it. I have been miserable in the last few weeks between the heat and my hamstring, running has sucked and been kind of a downer, but maybe there was hope yet. It was however kinda windy, but still better than warm.
It was a really small race, maybe 100 people. He told me not to run with him. I think he didn't want to hold me back. I told him I didn't care, but he said to just run my race. The good news: I could run hard and test my hamstring. The bad news: I was going to race the week before I attempted a marathon? Eh, what the hell, my training has sucked, my leg has been f*cked, why not, no guts, no glory. If it flared up I would just backoff and if I couldn't run 4 hard miles 8 days out from a marathon did I really have any business running one?
The wind was coming from the west so the first mile going east was easy as pie. I felt like I was floating. The timer called 7:05. That was faster than I had wanted to start out, so I kept telling myself I needed to rain it in and slow down.
The second mile was uphill and west. Now, I know I slowed down and it was in the wind and uphill, but when I looked back at my mile 2 split and saw 7:55 I dropped a few bad words and thought maybe that mile had been a bit long? Could I really have slowed down THAT much in mile 2?
Anyway, I just kept on running at the time. I didn't feel great and I could tell I wasn't running well. I began wodering if I was burned out physcially and mentally. Between school, my hamstring, studying and a 6 week unintentional taper I wondered if maybe my days of running well were temporarily numbered. I just held my effort and moved through mile 3 at 7:34. I was struggling to focus and stay motivated. I did note however, my hamstring felt tight, but it didn't hurt, nor were there any twinges of pain. Something was going my way.
The final turn is about a tenth from the finish and I did pick up the pace a bit then and I watched the clock creep up on my PR time of 30:08 and keep going before finally stopping at 30:13 for me. Mile 4 was 7:34. I wasn't even disappointed. Just drained all the way around. I had not run a race mentally or physically deserving of a PR. The funny thing is I ended up 3rd female overall and I received a nice medal. The announcer then handed me what I thought was a piece of paper. It was a check for $50. I was a little embarassed that such a slow time had been 3rd overall. I wouldn't have even placed in my age group if some of my girlfriends had come down, but hey I am broke and money is money.
I grabbed some brunch with my classmate and did a little reviewing for OB before heading home to study for 3 hours and take a genetics test. I finished with about 20 minutes to spare before I had to head to work. I laid in my bed and turned off the lights trying to rest my mind and my body, neither of which happened. My alarm went off way too soon and I changed to head to work. It was mother's day weekend and we were slammed. I finally managed to leave at midnight.
Today, I have been studying for my OB final on Tuesday, but my mind has been plagued with thoughts of ...
Am I seriously going to run a marathon next weekend? What if the hamstring goes -- it's a long fucking walk!
What if I am overtrained? Not sure how that is possible since training has been terrible the last 6 weeks.
Why am I running so slow for all my runs? I have no spring, no bounce, no motivation.
Why am I such a whiney bitch? Jury is still out. Probably just afraid of failing. But what do I mean by that? I mean really what would be failing for me?
Wow do they have medicine for this much neuroticism?
Back to OB and complications of postpartum period....
It was a really small race, maybe 100 people. He told me not to run with him. I think he didn't want to hold me back. I told him I didn't care, but he said to just run my race. The good news: I could run hard and test my hamstring. The bad news: I was going to race the week before I attempted a marathon? Eh, what the hell, my training has sucked, my leg has been f*cked, why not, no guts, no glory. If it flared up I would just backoff and if I couldn't run 4 hard miles 8 days out from a marathon did I really have any business running one?
The wind was coming from the west so the first mile going east was easy as pie. I felt like I was floating. The timer called 7:05. That was faster than I had wanted to start out, so I kept telling myself I needed to rain it in and slow down.
The second mile was uphill and west. Now, I know I slowed down and it was in the wind and uphill, but when I looked back at my mile 2 split and saw 7:55 I dropped a few bad words and thought maybe that mile had been a bit long? Could I really have slowed down THAT much in mile 2?
Anyway, I just kept on running at the time. I didn't feel great and I could tell I wasn't running well. I began wodering if I was burned out physcially and mentally. Between school, my hamstring, studying and a 6 week unintentional taper I wondered if maybe my days of running well were temporarily numbered. I just held my effort and moved through mile 3 at 7:34. I was struggling to focus and stay motivated. I did note however, my hamstring felt tight, but it didn't hurt, nor were there any twinges of pain. Something was going my way.
The final turn is about a tenth from the finish and I did pick up the pace a bit then and I watched the clock creep up on my PR time of 30:08 and keep going before finally stopping at 30:13 for me. Mile 4 was 7:34. I wasn't even disappointed. Just drained all the way around. I had not run a race mentally or physically deserving of a PR. The funny thing is I ended up 3rd female overall and I received a nice medal. The announcer then handed me what I thought was a piece of paper. It was a check for $50. I was a little embarassed that such a slow time had been 3rd overall. I wouldn't have even placed in my age group if some of my girlfriends had come down, but hey I am broke and money is money.
I grabbed some brunch with my classmate and did a little reviewing for OB before heading home to study for 3 hours and take a genetics test. I finished with about 20 minutes to spare before I had to head to work. I laid in my bed and turned off the lights trying to rest my mind and my body, neither of which happened. My alarm went off way too soon and I changed to head to work. It was mother's day weekend and we were slammed. I finally managed to leave at midnight.
Today, I have been studying for my OB final on Tuesday, but my mind has been plagued with thoughts of ...
Am I seriously going to run a marathon next weekend? What if the hamstring goes -- it's a long fucking walk!
What if I am overtrained? Not sure how that is possible since training has been terrible the last 6 weeks.
Why am I running so slow for all my runs? I have no spring, no bounce, no motivation.
Why am I such a whiney bitch? Jury is still out. Probably just afraid of failing. But what do I mean by that? I mean really what would be failing for me?
Wow do they have medicine for this much neuroticism?
Back to OB and complications of postpartum period....
Sunday, May 2, 2010
The Sweetest Thing!
AH use to coach cross country for Mentor H.S., but because he made the choice to finally go back to school and finish his degree he stepped down from his position, but not before I got roped into the madness.
Although I have a name most of the kids new me as "Coach Hunter's Girlfriend." I went to most of the meets throughout the season and followed the team to states twice. When the season was over the team took a trip to the Midwest Footlocker Nationals in Wisconsin. I made the drive in order to cheer for the team, but I also was going to drive a few more hours north to visit my grandparents.
While we were at Footlocker Nationals we were able to attend a conference with guest speakers that just happened to be some of my favorite runners including Suzy Favor Hamilton, Matt Tegenkamp and Chris Solinsky. It was a great seminar and they were so inspirational they almost convinced me to run in the open division, almost. They too were from Wisconsin like myself, but unlike me they were fast!
Fastforward tow plus years and everybody, even Nike is on alert to see Galen Rupp go after the men's 10,000 meter American record at the Payton Jordan Cardinal Invitational yesterday. The race starts just as planned, but then some "cheesehead" decides it's his time to shine and the sweetest thing happens!!
The American record falls...BIG TIME, but it's not by Galen Rupp.
Although I have a name most of the kids new me as "Coach Hunter's Girlfriend." I went to most of the meets throughout the season and followed the team to states twice. When the season was over the team took a trip to the Midwest Footlocker Nationals in Wisconsin. I made the drive in order to cheer for the team, but I also was going to drive a few more hours north to visit my grandparents.
While we were at Footlocker Nationals we were able to attend a conference with guest speakers that just happened to be some of my favorite runners including Suzy Favor Hamilton, Matt Tegenkamp and Chris Solinsky. It was a great seminar and they were so inspirational they almost convinced me to run in the open division, almost. They too were from Wisconsin like myself, but unlike me they were fast!
Fastforward tow plus years and everybody, even Nike is on alert to see Galen Rupp go after the men's 10,000 meter American record at the Payton Jordan Cardinal Invitational yesterday. The race starts just as planned, but then some "cheesehead" decides it's his time to shine and the sweetest thing happens!!
The American record falls...BIG TIME, but it's not by Galen Rupp.
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